Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Spring Tears

The last few days have been sort of hard.  I've felt pretty sad for a variety of reasons and most of them I couldn't even put my finger on.  I realized last night I was grieving again when a picture of lilacs made me cry.  Because we used to have a lilac bush.  Back when we lived in our house with our beautiful yard.  (Not beautiful because we took good care of it, mind you.  I wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea.  Our yard was fairly well neglected except for the requisite lawn mowing in the front yard.)  But our yard was huge.  And it was filled with all sorts of fabulous trees and bushes that fairly exploded in Spring.  

And here I go crying again.

I LOVED walking around our yard in Spring.  Never mind that Spring made me sneeze and made my eyes itch and my nose run.  It was totally worth it.  I loved watching the plants come alive again after winter.  I loved watching the bees dance around the blossoms on our fruit trees.  I loved anticipating the cherries, plums, peaches, apples and nectarines we would be eating all summer.  (Not to mention the citrus we would eat all winter!)  So I miss our old place.
There have been some other emotional things going on around me this last weekend and finally I realized this morning I needed to stop stuffing the tears and just let them out.  I think God helped me realize that in the middle of a season like this one, I don't have to feel any worse about crying from time to time than I do about sweating when it's hot or I'm exercising.  Despair and discouragement are bad.  Tears are not.  Just because I need to cry does not mean something's wrong with me.
They that sow in tears will reap with songs of joy...  Tears are sometimes seeds of joy.  And I bet it's no coincidence that tomorrow night in our Life Group we're looking at the story of the woman who anointed Jesus' feet with precious perfume and with her tears.  Maybe when I feel like crying I need to get to the feet of Jesus and just let my tears fall right there on Him.  I know that at least today, it brought a lot of relief.  Thank you Jesus for that.

Day 14


  1. It is likely good to acknowledge our emotions and crying real tears is part of that acknowledgement. I am no expert and I do know that once I cry through a sad time I feel better.

    The hard part is when your spouse asks "what is wrong" you may not be able to answer the question. Us guys what an answer so that we can fix it.

    So maybe together you can learn that there is no fix, there is just a time of holding and maybe some tears for him.

    I don't know if that makes sense.

  2. Melissa...

    I so understand. I mean, I don´t EXACTLY understand what it looks like for you right now, but I do know God gave me an entire year to think about moving and adjusting to the idea and grieving. I was kind of grieving for different sections of that year. So yeah... give yourself permission to cry... when we cry, we can be comforted. sometimes I get anxious or weird thoughts go through my mind only to find out all I needed to do was acknowledge how I really felt all the while. Don´t be afraid of. that. And if it helps, keep in mind we have a compassionate Savior... made in every way like us, including sorrow!!! "grief is the way God helps us transition" and in some ways let go. Of course mostly we don´t WANT to let go, but God has a way of putting everything in its place eventually. may you feel Him close to you as you live and breathe and grieve and smile and cry again... He´ll be with you the whole way through.

  3. hope it doesn´t sound trite... man I HATE going through stuff like that. But I guess when I feel that God KNOWS how precious what I´m leaving is to me, it helps a lot. Kind of like the sacrifice thing you had mentioned before. It´s like He validates my feelings of sadness, bc He knows just how precious it all is to me... and then He can bring comfort.... he knows.

  4. Dear Melissa,

    Your tears are because you are such a caring sensitive woman with empathy for others! You have gone through so much in the past few months and are going on a journey of a lifetime! So many emotions must be welling up in you. I so enjoy reading your Lenten Blog.

    Linda Karber

  5. Wow Melissa, this a beautiful post! I love the visual of crying at Jesus' feet. Thank you for sharing your heart through this blog. God is doing amazing things to you so He can go even more amazing things through you. Keep blogging about it!
    Love you.



Thanks for sharing your thoughts and heart with me.