Life in General

Well, my dad is the only one who asked me to get him a copy of what I shared at the retreat, but I'm going to post it here (below) anyway... because I just never know who might stumble upon it "accidentally." And since my hubby hasn't uploaded the video he took of Toby at the Monster Jam Monster Truck Rally a couple days ago, I don't have anything else to post. Actually, maybe I do... Here are some random thoughts I've been meaning to share with you. 1. I am allergic to Spring. But I love it anyway because the weather is beautiful, the trees are blooming like crazy (hence the allergies!) and the world seems like it's alive again. If only spending more time outdoors didn't make my nose run and my eyes itch! Well, I'm praising God (honestly, I am) that Zyrtec is now available OTC b/c it works so much better for me when my allergies are bad. And no, they don't pay me to advertise for them because they aren't impressed with the number of people who read my blog. Go figure! 2. No, we haven't heard anything more yet about our adoption. We're still expecting to hear something (even if it's that we've moved up on the waiting list) later this month. And praise God, I'm not pacing or obsessing about it. 3. Life is FULL! While it is Spring Break for Mikaela this week, the rest of life is not on vacation! Lowell and I are planning our church's Easter sunrise service (want to come???) and are attending ALPHA on Tuesday nights on top of me still attending Celebrate Recovery (where I lead worship and learn a lot) on Thursday nights and I'm also starting (in April) a new prayer class for families at church and we have a condo empty that I need to clean or find someone to clean and the MCC Sale (and Party!!) is coming up April 4/5 which means we have a LOT of house/patio/yard cleaning to do between now and then (not to mention planning the party!) All of this means I've been feeling a bit scatterbrained and frazzled b/c it was somehow a lot easier to hyperfocus on planning for the retreat than it is to think about so many different things at once. It also explains why I haven't been thinking about my blog as much lately. I don't have as much free brain time as I did last year! OK... That's the Melissa update for the weekend. I hope you are all well! : )

What to say???

Well, this is the perfect time to write something (Lowell is at a meeting and the kids are in bed) but I have too much to say and don't know where to start. I could tell you about the appointments I had last week with the psychologist and the conclusions he had about my alleged ADD. I could write about the book I finished reading last weekend about the life of Oswald Chambers. I could tell you about what it's been like babysitting my niece Bailey this and last week and what it makes me think about bringing home a toddler from Thailand. I could tell you about the 2 chances I'm going to have to sing (songs I've written!) at church on Sunday and at our Women's breakfast the next Saturday. I could put Stacy's mind at ease by explaining what money-making ventures I've started or I could tell you all about her new puppy. Or I could tell you about all the things God has been teaching me lately about being still and not thinking (i.e. worrying) so much about stuff. So do you see my problem? Well, I guess I'm going to start with the psychologist's conclusions about my brain, because I can see in my decision making process here some of what he was talking about, so why not? To try to make it short, he did a bunch of tests with me and concluded that according to some of the tests I seem to be fine and according to others it seems that I have some attention issues. He also observed from the 567 (yes, 567!) questions that I answered on the MMPI-2 test (google that if you want to know more) that (among many other things!) I seem to think/worry about things a lot and that while I'm not complusive in the OCD sense, I can be a bit obsessive. Hmmm..... Yeah, he was right about that! You can see this in how hard it was for me to decide something as simple as what to write a blog post about. Not really a big deal, and yet I'll go in circles trying to decide. No wonder I'm so exhausted at the end of the day! I probably do more overanalyzing in a day than I need to do in a week. (or half a week. or maybe I'll think about that some more and get back to you.) Dr. G also encouraged me to find a place to work that is free from distractions if I really need to concentrate. That will be a challenge, but since he also determined from all the tests that I was pretty smart, I'm hoping I'll figure something out. (If only smartness was the same thing as common sense I'd be home free.) (And no big decisions have been made about treatment, in case you're wondering.) I was pretty nervous going into the last part of the testing and Jesus really met me on the way there asking if He could just come with me? It was such an obvious thing (He is everywhere and inside me, right?) yet it spoke straight to my heart. He was with me and had been leading me up to that point, so I didn't need to WORRY about what was going to come out of it. I just needed to trust Him and remember He was with me and let Him take care of me. And that's just what He did. : ) So maybe soon you'll get to hear about the other stuff I mentioned at the start of this post. But for now, I'm glad I'm learning to relax and be still more and obsess and think a little less. So far it's been a good thing.

Holding Our Breath

Well, our completed dossier is now in the hands of our adoption agency personnel in Oregon.  If everything looks good, it will be on its way to Thailand on Friday!  I can hardly believe after all the effort of gathering document after document that it's finally done.  There are still a couple of things left for us to do (immigration stuff mostly) but we should now be on the official waiting list to be matched with our child! 

 

BUT (hence the title above) I'm still holding my breath a bit to get word that everything is in order and that it's really real.  The mind-boggling thing is that we still have (probably) a year or more to wait before we get to go meet and bring home our Little One. (They say 6-12 months from now for a match.)  I also know, however, that time seems to be flying faster than ever these days and it will go by quickly even if sometimes it feels slow. 

 

In other news...  I think I've finally figured out a new routine!  (Aren't you excited for me???J) Things are starting to feel normal and I'm feeling less LOST in my own house.  (For this week at least.) I have sort of divided my day into 4 time-blocks and when I make my list of things to do for the day (which I have to do if I don't want to forget everything or waste my day completely) I divide the page into 4 sections.  I also have a list of things to try to do during each time-block so that I don't get to the end of the day without remembering to fold the laundry or decide what to make for dinner.  We'll see how long it lasts!!!  (And for the curious out there, I am scheduled for the ADD testing at the end of this month with my psychologist.)

 

Have a great day everyone!!!

 

J  Melissa

 

Happy Birthday Toby! and some other ramblings

This is partly an experiment to see if I can post something via email WITH a picture!  (Did you know I can send an email to my blog and it will automatically be posted?  Hmmm....  I wonder if other people could do that too.  I'd better keep the email address a secret so you all don't start posting unauthorized stuff on my blog.  Cuz you just might do that...)  Ummm...  where was I?

 

Today is Toby's birthday and he's 4 and we're partly celebrating tonight with the local grandparents and tomorrow with the pinata and coolest cake I've ever made (you'll have to wait to see pictures of it when we get home) (because I know you really want to!) at the campground with all our friends.  It will be memorable I hope and fun even if tricky to get the (really cool!) cake there. 

 

Which reminds me that I left the family room a few minutes ago saying I needed to go pack.  And I ended up here, of course.  This will probably be the last post until after we get home Sunday.  (Unless I'm all packed up early and have time in the morning with nothing to do.  HA!)  And for those who are wondering, my appt. this morning with my new Dr. went well.  He said I do seem to have many indicators for ADD and he wasn't suprised I was there (looking for help.)  I go back a couple more times for some testing and then we'll see what happens after that.

 

Have a great week everyone!  While we're in Morro Bay camping I'll be thinking about stories to tell you.  Now I really do need to go pack so I don't repeat the packing disaster before our Hume trip.  Because we're leaving in 18 hours and have a birthday to celebrate tonight yet and I really need to stop procrastinating.  NOW.

 

OK.  Bye.  : )

Time Warp

I have this wierd feeling again...  like I used to get around the end of each semester in college when I knew that finals week was coming and I wasn't ready with all of my papers or hadn't read the text books yet for the tests.  One of my nicknames back then was The Pro-Krause-tinator.  (My last name was Krause back then) and unfortunately I haven't completely kicked the habit.

 

When we went camping a couple weeks ago I was panicking at the last hours before leaving because I wasn't packed yet, even though I had been sure I wasn't running behind.  This is part of what's feeding my current state of pre-panic syndrome.  We're going camping again on August 2.  And I have a magazine article to finish editing, adoption immigration paperwork to file, a day-trip to Bakersfield, Toby's birthday and a psychologist appointment all between now and Aug. 2.  That's not to mention all the normal things like cleaning the house, church stuff, paying bills and feeding and clothing my family (with CLEAN clothes being the issue here) that are for me a challenge anyway.  And I REALLY don't want a repeat performance of my last camping packing job because it left me with ONE pair of tennis shoes for the whole trip, no toothbrush for Toby and not quite enough food (we bought a toothbrush and more food at the general store at the lake) and barely enough blankets--not to mention the frazzledness!

 

So I'm determined to do a better job this time, even though I have all these other things distracting me.  By the way, one of the reasons this is all so hard for me, I believe, is the ADD issue.  Dr. Amen has done some amazing brain studies that show people with ADD.  What happens is when they try to concentrate, the bloodflow to their pre-frontal cortex decreases dramatically.  That's the part of your brain you NEED when you're trying to think and prioritize and concentrate and figure stuff out!  It feels very often like I can think great when I'm relaxed, but as pressure starts to build, I stop being able to think clearly.  I feel like my brain is wandering around not quite sure where to start b/c everything looks sort of overwhelming and like it all needs to be done at once.  Then as the deadline gets really close, the last minute panic sets in.  THIS finally is what releases stuff like adrenalin that STIMULATES the pre-frontal cortex so I and others like me can finally think again!  : )  Do you understand now why I procrastinate???  There's more to it, but that's one piece of the story anyway.

 

I know, it's sort of hard to believe and understand if you don't suffer from it, but it's how I seem to work.  Another thing I've learned that makes it hard for me is my "job".  There isn't a whole lot of structure to my day and that makes it even harder to know where to start.  I'm not very good at structuring myself either...  never have been.  : )  Anyway, this is why I'm going to the psychologist on Aug. 1.  I'm going to finally get assessed by a professional (he's a Christian, by the way) to see if I really officially have ADD or not and to determine what to do about it.  I figure at this point I don't really have much to lose and if it could make this part of my life easier, I'm really ready to look into it.

 

If I don't post much in the next week or so, it's because I'm either working really hard or running around in circles like a chicken without a head (which brings up another great Bakersfield memory...  but I'll spare you that one.)  : )

 

Have a great week!

Here we go again!

Well, here I am, procrastinating again. But Paula inspired me and so I just had to see if I could find my blog and since Toby is sleeping and Mikaela is back at school after a really long winter vacation (she was "off-track")... here I am. With nothing to say. (How did that ever happen?) I should warn you, by the way, that if you are going to read anything I write, you can expect lots of (parentheses). I have ADD, you know, (or maybe you don't) and that means I am often thinking in too many directions at once. But here you get the inside scoop on all the stuff I usually edit when I'm talking. (What? You didn't think I editted when I talk? I do, I promise!) But this is getting too meaningless. If I'm gonna use up my precious time (and yours) (and if I expect you to read anything else I ever write) I have to have something profound to say... or do I? Maybe not. Or maybe I'll just come back later and write more when I think of something to say that's really worth saying. :)