I have this wierd feeling again... like I used to get around the end of each semester in college when I knew that finals week was coming and I wasn't ready with all of my papers or hadn't read the text books yet for the tests. One of my nicknames back then was The Pro-Krause-tinator. (My last name was Krause back then) and unfortunately I haven't completely kicked the habit.
When we went camping a couple weeks ago I was panicking at the last hours before leaving because I wasn't packed yet, even though I had been sure I wasn't running behind. This is part of what's feeding my current state of pre-panic syndrome. We're going camping again on August 2. And I have a magazine article to finish editing, adoption immigration paperwork to file, a day-trip to Bakersfield, Toby's birthday and a psychologist appointment all between now and Aug. 2. That's not to mention all the normal things like cleaning the house, church stuff, paying bills and feeding and clothing my family (with CLEAN clothes being the issue here) that are for me a challenge anyway. And I REALLY don't want a repeat performance of my last camping packing job because it left me with ONE pair of tennis shoes for the whole trip, no toothbrush for Toby and not quite enough food (we bought a toothbrush and more food at the general store at the lake) and barely enough blankets--not to mention the frazzledness!
So I'm determined to do a better job this time, even though I have all these other things distracting me. By the way, one of the reasons this is all so hard for me, I believe, is the ADD issue. Dr. Amen has done some amazing brain studies that show people with ADD. What happens is when they try to concentrate, the bloodflow to their pre-frontal cortex decreases dramatically. That's the part of your brain you NEED when you're trying to think and prioritize and concentrate and figure stuff out! It feels very often like I can think great when I'm relaxed, but as pressure starts to build, I stop being able to think clearly. I feel like my brain is wandering around not quite sure where to start b/c everything looks sort of overwhelming and like it all needs to be done at once. Then as the deadline gets really close, the last minute panic sets in. THIS finally is what releases stuff like adrenalin that STIMULATES the pre-frontal cortex so I and others like me can finally think again! : ) Do you understand now why I procrastinate??? There's more to it, but that's one piece of the story anyway.
I know, it's sort of hard to believe and understand if you don't suffer from it, but it's how I seem to work. Another thing I've learned that makes it hard for me is my "job". There isn't a whole lot of structure to my day and that makes it even harder to know where to start. I'm not very good at structuring myself either... never have been. : ) Anyway, this is why I'm going to the psychologist on Aug. 1. I'm going to finally get assessed by a professional (he's a Christian, by the way) to see if I really officially have ADD or not and to determine what to do about it. I figure at this point I don't really have much to lose and if it could make this part of my life easier, I'm really ready to look into it.
If I don't post much in the next week or so, it's because I'm either working really hard or running around in circles like a chicken without a head (which brings up another great Bakersfield memory... but I'll spare you that one.) : )
Have a great week!