Ouch

Well, God got out his pruning shears again and revealed some pretty ugly stuff in my heart last night.  As I was writing yesterday, I was thinking about the other things that can kill trees, like pests and diseases.  Apparently, God was too, and He determined it was time to remove a diseased part of my heart.  

 

For a while now off and on I have asked God to help me deal with my pride.  He heard me and answered loud and clear.  I'm won't go into all the details, but will say that I spent a good amount of time this morning grieving and repenting and trying to remember how to move on after I've blown it.  My pride got me into this mess and it is trying to keep me from getting out, too.  I feel so embarrassed and ashamed and disqualified and like I should have known better than to fall into this—not because I'm better than anybody else, but because I've been a Christian so long it just seems I should know better.  But that is my pride talking again.  It's so sneaky!  Telling me others are wrong one minute and telling me I shouldn't have messed up the next. 

 

I'm grateful for God's discipline and for his forgiveness and mercy and grace that I can absolutely count on.  He's dealing with this in me because He wants it out of the way so I can walk humbly with Him and be used by Him.  How incredible and undeserved is that.  

 

For years the following verse has been a challenge and encouragement to me.  It seems extra fitting today:  "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a HARVEST of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11

 

Amen & amen!  Thank you, Jesus, for your unending mercy and grace to me...