My Times are In Your Hands

Time flies when you’re having fun. Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. They grow up so fast! Sunrise, Sunset… Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow! Time is money. Time is tickin’ and time’s a wastin’! Carpe diem! We are a people obsessed and uncomfortable with TIME. It either goes by too quickly or not fast enough. We either regret or long for the past while we are worried about or impatient for the future. We’re running late and determined to stay awake as long as possible (thank you, Starbucks!) so we can squeeze every second of life out of every day. We sing about it, muse about it, waste it (thank you, Facebook!), talk and whine about it. (When did they get so big??? How is it already the end of July???) Maybe it’s not the whole human “race.” Maybe it’s just me. But a Google search for “time management” brings up 223 million results. A search on just the word “time”? 3.5 Billion! So apparently I’m not the only one. I am NOT a good time manager. I’m not good at keeping scrapbooks or remembering things and it makes my heart ache when I think of how fast my kids are growing up and how much I’ve already forgotten about their younger years. I feel like I’ve been going through the last several years with my heels digging into the ground, trying desperately to SLOW THIS WORLD DOWN! Stop the sun! Slow down the clock! Slow down the calendar! Stop already with the growing! I can’t keep up! Well… I’m done. I quit. Time, you win. I won’t fight you anymore. I can’t manage you. I can’t slow you down or speed you up. BUT I CAN, with Christ’s strength, learn to live with you as my friend instead of my foe. I will stop wasting my today’s missing the past and worrying about the future. I’m going to learn to live “for such a time as this.” I asked God to show me His truth about time and found many familiar verses. “He has made everything beautiful in its time… ” (Ecc. 3:11) “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.” (Isaiah 43:18) “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matt. 6:34) It’s pretty obvious that mourning over the past and dreading the future are not God’s plan for my day to day life. But the real surprise came when I found myself again in Genesis 1. “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth… And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light… God called the light "day," and the darkness he called "night." And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.” (Gen 1:1, 3, 5) There you have it! The first day. All in just the first 5 verses of the Bible. But He wasn’t done! On days 2 & 3, He created the seas and plants as unmistakable reminders of the passing seconds and seasons, all counting down, as it were, to the end of this world as we know it. But in case we didn’t notice, on the fourth day He also created “lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night” to “serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years.” (Gen 1:14). One of the first things God created was time. And He called it good! It isn’t evil or meant to steal my joy. With the Psalmist I will choose to say “But I trust in You, O LORD; I say ‘You are my God.’ MY TIMES ARE IN YOUR HANDS...” (Psalm 31:14-15a) God wants me to trust Him with how time passes and rejoice! It’s all counting down to His triumphant return! When I see my children growing up and I’m shocked that it’s time to turn the calendar again, I want to learn to say, “Hallelujah!” I am that much closer to seeing Him face to Face! “I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “Who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.” (Rev. 1:8) Whether we like it or not, He is the King of the ages and He is returning soon! (Rev. 22:7) As I learn to see my past and my family and my future in the light of eternity, I find a whole new contentment and purpose and perspective as I agree with what my mom always said: This too shall pass! “Amen! Come, Lord Jesus!” I trust in You, O Lord. You are my God. My times are in Your hands. And I’m glad.

Hmmmmm.....

Well, I had a lovely Mother's Day weekend and I hope the rest of you did too, (whether you are mothers or not!) But I was busy and didn't have time to write anything for the blog. So I thought I'd share this thought-provoking quote my friend Lisa gave me last week (instead of adding nothing!!!) While there are some parts of it I don't completely agree with (or would say differently), it still resonates with me.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brillant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlighted about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-Marianne Williamson

What do you think? Back next weekend... : ), Melissa

To Thine Own Self... Be NICE!!!

This was the lesson God taught me this week. To stop treating myself in a way that was mean and critical and merciless and grace-less. It's not a new concept for me, but God helped me see it from a completely new perspective. Let me explain... On Thursday night as I was heading to Celebrate Recovery I was feeling disgusted with myself for being flaky and some other things that I don't even remember now. Whatever it was, I wasn't liking myself very much and I was not encouraging myself with what I was thinking. And that's when God broke into the conversation going on in my head and He told me to STOP! Stop doing to yourself what you would never want to do to anyone else! (Wow!) For example, if I am at church and somebody comes to me and shares how discouraged they are, what do I do? I try to encourage them and remind them to ask God to reveal the truth and to listen to Him and that He loves them and that He will always help us and to resist the enemy's lies, etc, etc, etc... I would never jump in and agree that yes, they really are hopeless and never going to change and really quite a disappointment and so why do they even keep trying because, good grief, what a mess they are--it's no wonder they're discouraged! Could you imagine????? How would you feel if somebody did that to you? How would you feel if somebody did that to your child????? (I would be so angry!!!!!) What God was challenging me about was this: If I would never say it was okay for anyone else to be spoken to like that, why was it okay to speak to myself like that??? (It wasn't!) So instead of agreeing with what the enemy wants me to believe about myself (lies, lies, lies!), I am asking for God to keep showing me when I am treating myself in a way that is unacceptable for any child of His. And when I feel discouraged, I am going to remind myself of the things I would remind anybody else of: If we are believers in Jesus, we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us and we can do everything through Christ who gives us strength and we are LOVED VERY MUCH! Like I said... not new information. Just a renewed perspective. J, Melissa

Believing God loves me with Unfailing, Limitless, All-sufficient, All-Forgiving, Transforming Love

(This is what I shared at our Women's Retreat a couple weeks ago. You'll just have to imagine the hand-gestures and dramatic pauses.) Maybe next weekend or sometime I'll get the song I ended with on here too. Yes... It's very long!!! Don't feel bad if you don't want to read it all. : )

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If I were to ask you what you know about God's love, I bet you all could tell me a lot. If you were looking in the book of Psalms, you might quote Ps. 57:10 "for great is Your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness to the skies." Or Psalm 36:7 "How priceless is your unfailing love." Or Psalm 32:10 "the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him." Or maybe Psalm 136 where it repeats 26 times "His love endures forever! But what I really want to ask you right now is do you really believe it? Are you experiencing God's love to be unfailing and enduring and priceless? John 8:31 says "To the Jews who had BELIEVED HIM, Jesus said, 'If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.'" The truth will set you free—if you know it, and hold onto it and believe it! Just like a key is of no use if you don't use it, truth is of no use if you don't believe it and act on it! Will you join me in praying? Lord, we agree with the Psalmist who wrote Psalm 63 and we say "O God, you are our God! Earnestly we seek you. Our souls thirst for you, our bodies long for you in a dry and weary land where there is no water. We have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because Your love is better than life, our lips will glorify You. We will praise You as long as we live, and in Your name we will lift up our hands. Our souls WILL BE SATISFIED as with the richest of foods; with singing lips our mouths will praise You." Reveal your love to us today! We also recognize this is a battle, Lord. And in Jesus powerful name, we say that the weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish – even right now – arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God – against the knowledge of God's love – and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. We say satan, you have no power or authority in this place to keep anyone here blinded to the truth and command now that everyone here be released to believe, know and experience the love God has for them. In Jesus Name, amen! Life here on earth, walking with God, is a journey (or a series of journeys at least!) And in taking any kind of trip, it's really helpful to have a map! A map, however, isn't very helpful if you don't know where you want to go. And once you know where you want to go, you still need to know where you are to start with. Once you have those two points figured out, you can determine how to get from where you are to where you want to be. The problem for most of us is we aren't very good navigators. We often aren't sure where we're going or where we are and even if we know those 2 things, we often have no clue how to get where we want to be. Do any of you have one of those fancy cars w/a GPS system or onstar? I am so grateful that on this journey we are on, we aren't travelling alone. God is actually the one showing us on the map where He wants to take us and He can tell us exactly where we are AND He will even lead us and walk with us as we head toward where He wants us to go. So where do we want to be? Where does God want us to be? What would it look like if we really believed God loves us as much as He does? Loving someone can be nice… but knowing the one you love loves you back is a totally different thing! Think of someone you had a crush on when you were younger (maybe even a movie star or singer) and how it would have made you feel and behave if you knew that he loved you, too. I worked at McDonald's in high school and would occasionally get flirtatious boys coming through the drive-through. I was actually pretty shy about boys (I hardly dated at all) but once got a note from a guy (who was in college no less!) through the drive through saying I had pretty eyes or a pretty smile or something like that. I don't even remember exactly what it said, but I remember how it made me feel! That same year I did actually for brief period of time have a boyfriend, but I realized not long into the relationship that I wasn't in love with Joe. I was in love with the idea of having a boyfriend. I realize now I was in love with the idea of somebody loving me. Now, think about getting a love note from the King of the Universe, the real Prince Charming who IS coming back on a white horse to get His Bride someday. Imagine that it said He loved you with an eternal, undying love… that You are beautiful and priceless to Him… that He would do anything & has done everything to make you His. That should fill us with an incredible, profound confidence and peace! It should give us strength and patience and kindness and humility and joy knowing we are always protected, filled with hope. It should set us free to love other people! Sisters, WE WERE CREATED FOR LOVE. Knowing and experiencing that very real, powerful, transforming love that God does have for us is where God longs for us to be. And if we're honest with ourselves, it's where we long to be too. (Turn in your Bibles to….) Ephesians 3:16-19 says this: "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." If we look at this passage a little bit at a time, we'll see it all starts with Christ dwelling in our hearts through faith – which we receive as God (out of his glorious riches) strengthens us with power. We cannot come to Christ in our own power. But once we receive Him, we are then rooted and established in LOVE. And the Word says no one can pluck us out of His hand! Once we are established, we are established! But next, we need more of His power to help us really understand and grasp how wide and long and high and deep his love is… and then to KNOW it: to believe and EXPERIENCE it and LIVE it, so that then we can be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God! So where are we now? Let's take a look for just a minute at where we end up when we "know God loves us" but we don't really believe it. We get confused. We worry. We get anxious and afraid and feel guilty and ashamed. We compare ourselves to others and we beat ourselves up for not being good enough or trying hard enough. We end up tired and disappointed and feel like we're a disappointment to everyone else, too. We try to love others, but it's hard! We try to break free from our sin, but can't seem to figure out the right combination on the lock. We get discouraged and not sure that things can or will ever change. Am I the only one who has ever felt this way? Why does this happen? (Holy Spirit, I ask You to show us right now the truth about why it's sometimes so hard for us to receive Your love. And no power of darkness can keep the truth from being known in Jesus' Name!) The problem is SIN. But you need to understand something very, very important. Before we surrender to Jesus Christ as Lord of our lives, our sin separates us from God. If you have never given your heart to Jesus, you are still separated from Him. But once we have accepted God's gift of forgiveness, offered to us through the blood of Jesus, OUR SIN CANNOT SEPARATE US FROM GOD ANYMORE. And even when our sin separated us from God, HE STILL LOVED US. Romans 5:8 says "But God demonstrated his own love for us in this. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 8:38 says "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Nothing can separate us from His love. But sin is still a problem because it can keep us from experiencing the love of God. It can keep us from accepting His love. When we have done something wrong or failed even though we've tried so hard to do everything right, we feel guilt and shame and like we aren't worthy of God's love… so we refuse it. Other times we are hurt by others when their sin affects us and we end up wounded and angry and we refuse love because we don't want it. Love hurts too much and we aren't interested, thank you! We end up wearing masks that make it look like we're fine and we're trying really hard OR that we don't really care what God or anybody else thinks anyway, while underneath the mask we're hurting. What's the problem with not experiencing love? WE NEED IT. We need love when we are born and we never outgrow the need to be loved by God and by others. (God created another person for Adam because it wasn't good for Adam to be alone. We were not created to love God and be loved by God alone.) We were created for LOVE – to receive it and to give it. We were created to breathe love in and breathe it back out freely and effortlessly… to love God with all our hearts and souls and minds and to love our neighbors and ourselves. So what do we do? According to the authors of this book (called Truefaced that I truly wish every one of you could read b/c it is amazing) Love is the process of meeting needs. God promises to supply all of our needs and even before Adam and Eve sinned, they needed God to meet their needs. We are all created with needs and as God supplies those needs, we feel loved. We experience love. Some of the needs that God's love supplies for us are: Attention – met through God's servant love (John 13:5-20) Salvation – met through God's sacrificial love (John 3:16) Forgiveness & Acceptance – met through God's unearned love (Romans 5:5-8) Comfort – met through God's committed love (Zephaniah 3:17) Security – met through God's faithful love (Lamentations 3:32-33) Guidance – met through God's loving discipline (Hebrews 12:6) Truth – met through God's instructional love (Psalm 33:4-5) Protection – met through God's jealous love (Exodus 34:14-15, Hosea 11:1-2) Significance – met through God's affirming love (1 Timothy 1:12) Identity – met through God's adoptive love (I John 3:1) The list could go on about the ways God's love meets our needs. (And if we aren't getting these needs met by God, how can we?) The authors make these points. 1. If we can't identify our needs, we cannot know love. I wasn't so sure about this at first… thinking a baby can't identify their needs… did this mean they couldn't know love? That wouldn't make sense. Then I recalled babies DO know what they need and they try very vocally to communicate those needs to us… we just often don't know what they need! But when we figure it out, if we are able to meet the need, they feel love and that's how bonding happens. So similarly, we need to know what we need or we won't know love. 2. If we deny we have needs, we won't experience love. If we say we don't have any needs and don't let God or anyone else meet them, we won't know love. 3. If we withhold our needs, we can't receive the love others have for us. God wants to meet our needs, and often through His children, but if we won't let Him or others love us—if we hide behind the walls we have built to protect our hearts—we won't know love. (Share example of previous night when I needed food (especially b/c I had been sick)… I asked and the need was met. If I had withheld my need, who knows what would have happened.) 4. If we don't know love, our wounds won't heal. I Peter 4:8 says to love each other deeply because love covers a multitude of sins. The Greek word for "covers" means more than concealing or hiding something. The word is related to the Greek word for "steal." Love steals away and removes the effect of sin in our lives! So, how do we move from knowing about God's love but not fully accepting and trusting in it to grasping the vastness of it and experiencing it and being filled to overflowing with it? 1. Let God show us what we need. 2. Realize that having these needs met is experiencing love. 3. Admit that we desire to be loved. 4. Ask God to teach us how to receive love and how to love others – not out of guilt or obligation, but out of love and obedience. As much as I didn't want it to be true, the more I studied about love, the more I discovered that love and obedience cannot be separated. They are intertwined in the Bible (John 15, I John 4) making it clear that if we love God, we will obey Him and we will love others. As I asked God to help me understand it, I believe He showed me it is because loving others completes the process of loving – just like exhaling completes the process of breathing. We will naturally obey God if we trust Him and believe He loves us. And the more we let God love us, the more we will obey and it will be much, much easier to love others. But we have to let God love us first. 1 John 4:19 says "We love because He first loved us!" Finally, how do we take the next step on our journey into God's love? God doesn't want us to "know" He loves us. He wants us to receive and experience and LIVE in His love. He wants us to be rooted and established in love – and from there He will show us what we need. He wants us to have power to grasp how long and high and deep and wide His love is – and know that His love will supply all of our needs. He wants us to KNOW this love that surpasses knowledge – as we admit we desire to be loved and accept the love He has for us. So we can be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God – when we will experience His love transforming us and freely overflowing to everyone around us. In a minute, I'm going to play a song, but first I want to read the words to you. It's called "I Need You to Love Me." Why? Why are you still here with me? Didn't You see what I've done? In my shame I want to run and hide myself But it's here I see the truth I don't deserve You But I need You to love me And I, I won't keep my heart from You this time And I'll stop this pretending that I can Somehow deserve what I already have I need You to love me I, I have wasted so much time Pushing You away from me I just never saw how You could cherish me 'Cause You're a God who has all things And still You want me! But I need You to love me And I, I won't keep my heart from You this time And I'll stop this pretending that I can Somehow deserve what I already have Your love makes me forget what I have been Your love makes me see who I really am I need You to love me I want to give you the opportunity right now to tell God that you need to and want to experience more of His love. Ask Him to heal your wounds of shame and set you free from the bondage of trying to deserve His love. We will never be able to earn or deserve His love. Yet He freely offers it to us anyway! If you have been pushing Him away because you think you aren't good enough yet for His love, He wants you to stop! And even if you already are experiencing lots of God's love, then you know that He always has more. God's love is like an ocean and He is longing to share it with you. He might want to take some of you to snorkel in the coral reefs, or sailing on the open sea, or surfing in Hawaii or scuba diving in the ocean depths. Or He might be waiting to take you to some safe and peaceful and secluded island where you can just REST. I don't know where His love will take you – but I do know you have to be willing to TRUST HIM and get into the boat. I am just like everyone else on the planet. I need God's love to keep healing me in the places of my heart where I'm still hurting. I am really just learning how to accept God's love. So as I play this song, I want to invite you to join me up here where I'm going to be on my knees before my Father telling Him I need His love. And I know what He does when His children ask for what He longs to give them. He answers. So if you want to join me, this is just a time for you and God. Nobody is going to ask you any questions or attack you up here. But after we're done, if you want to pray with or talk to any of us up here, we would love to do that as well.

Lent

Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who prayed for me or left encouraging comments or emails or phone calls last week. I am so grateful for every one of you! (And sorry I didn't respond to you each individually...) I am feeling much better and grateful for God renewing my peace. : ) And I pray that God will do the same for you wherever you need it...

You probably know (even if you forgot already) that this last Wednesday was Ash Wednesday which marked the beginning of Lent. I won't pretend to know a lot about it, but this is the (ummm.... calculating.... ) 14th year that I have observed the Lenten season (40 days prior to Passover=Palm Sunday) by fasting from something. Last year I fasted from all sweet stuff except honey. It resulted in some neat revelations about honey, which meant a lot to me since my name means "Honeybee". In the past I have "fasted" from a wide variety of things... Dr. Pepper, Ice Cream, self-pity, prime-time TV and even listening to music in my car (that was 1995!) I usually know what God wants me to fast from b/c my reaction to the thought is "Oh no! I can't give up that!!!" But I'm always grateful for how much more self-control and freedom I have in each area when Lent is over. And it usually lasts!

This year is a little different. In connection with what God's teaching me about self-control/self-discipline, this year I am giving up both self-discipline and self-indulgence for Lent. The trouble with this is that it's a bit hard to measure (and explain!) The thing that I'm doing to help is keeping a chart of how I'm spending my time (the area where I need self-control the most) and at the end of the day I'm reviewing it with God. It's amazing already how He sees things differently than I do and I'm starting to recognize the difference between when I'm listening to Him and when I'm trying to discipline myself. As part of this process, I'm also reading I Thessalonians chapter 5 every day. And I am being blessed by it every day! Maybe I'll share more than just once a week what I'm learning with you... (or maybe not... we'll see) But today I wanted to point out verses 23 & 24.

"23May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24 The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it."

My God, our God, is THE God of PEACE. And HE is the One who sanctifies me. He has called me to follow Him, and He is the faithful One who will complete what He has begun in me. There is more in the earlier verses of this chapter that talk about self-control and about how God didn't "appoint us to suffer wrath", but to LIVE WITH HIM. I've been realizing that when I'm trying to discipline myself, I often am feeling guilty about what I'm doing and I feel less inclined to pray about it b/c I think I already know what God thinks about what I'm doing. I'm afraid of His wrath and avoiding Him! God wants me to remember He hasn't appointed me to suffer His wrath, but to learn from Him and to walk and live WITH Him as He leads me and teaches me. He doesn't want me to avoid Him. : )

And I don't really want to avoid Him either. : )

Until next time... "The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you." (1 Thess. 5:28)

Y, Melissa

When I Need Him the Most

Well, I've been avoiding writing this because I feel like my posts have been so serious lately and I was hoping to do something more fun this weekend...  (which I probably still can, but not at the moment!)  But here's what's really going on with me right now.  I'm struggling.  I'm doubting.  I'm feeling weak.  I have one of the most exciting opportunities I've ever had coming up in a few weeks...  and I'm scared.  Our church is having a women's retreat Feb 29-Mar 2 and I'm leading/coordinating the worship for it AND speaking at the first session.   (!!!!!!!!!)

 

The thing is that up until 2 days ago I was so full of excitement and energy about the whole weekend that I could hardly contain myself.  I am thrilled that I get to share the first night and amazed at how God is putting things together for the whole weekend.  (Our theme is "Believing God" and I'm sharing about Believing how much God loves us.)  But the last day and half I have started to feel uncertain and I'm quite sure the enemy is stirring up my insecurities and fears and that it IS NOT FROM GOD.  I know this because God has been speaking quite clearly to me about these fears I'm having.  He even sang me a song about it.  : )  So that's what I'm going to share with you all tonight...  in case anybody out there needs some encouragement too. 

 

Blessings...

Y, Melissa

When You Need Me the Most

 

I've given you hope every time you needed it

Why would you doubt Me now?

I've given you strength to move the mountains

Would I take it from you now?

I've held your hand and dried your tears and wrapped you in my arms

So why would I ever leave you now

When you need Me the most?

 

Can you look into My eyes and see how much I love you?

That I'll never let you go?

You might not always hear Me or see Me or feel Me, but I promise

I am with you wherever you go

So wrap your arms around Me just as tight as you can

Oh why would you not trust Me now

When you need Me the most?

 

When you pass through the waters and through the rivers

And through the fire I will be with you

I have called you by My Name and you are mine

You are precious and honored in my sight

 

You're right that you're not strong enough or wise enough or good enough

That's why you need Me!

My great power is for you; if you believe, I'll give you wisdom

My Son's blood has made you holy

Be joyful and keep praying, giving thanks all the time

And don't put out my Spirit's fire

When you need Me the most

 

Will you believe that I love you?  Will you believe I am Almighty God?

Will you hold on to Me with all your might?  Will you trust my arms to keep you safe?

 

I believe that You love me.  I believe You are Almighty God.

I will hold on to You with all my might.  I will trust Your arms to keep me safe.

 

I believe.     I believe.

Lord I believe.     Lord I believe.

 

 

Written by Melissa Ens  2.2.08

No More SELF-Discipline!!!

This morning, I was thinking about "discipline."  As I looked online and in my Strong's concordance, it confirmed what I had been thinking…  That the notion of "self-discipline" maybe isn't really Biblical!  There is LOTS in the Bible about discipline and LOTS about self-control, but only in a couple of translations in one verse (2 Tim. 1:7) will you find the term "self-discipline" and even there, the original Greek word is actually usually translated as either "discipline" or "self-control".   

 

The more I think about it, the more absurd the idea of "self-discipline" becomes.  Teaching and training are really at the heart of "discipline".  God disciplines us to teach us, parents discipline their children, teachers and coaches discipline their students.  "Discipline" also implies that the one being disciplined is (in one way or another) a disciple of the one teaching them.  Now, apply this idea to the concept of "self-discipline" andit means I am teaching myself and/because I am a disciple of myself.  It's ALL ABOUT ME.  YIKES & YUCK!!!!!  (And if I know enough to teach myself anything, why do I need to change in the first place???)

However, if I am a disciple of Jesus and my Loving Heavenly Father is disciplining me, it is HIS discipline I need to submit to AND my focus isn't on self, it's on HIM.  HIS yoke is easy and His burden is light and I am learning from HIM, following HIM, wanting to be like HIM!  (Isn't this SOOO much better?????)  The responsibility shifts from being on ME to teach myself to GOD teaching and transforming me.  What a relief!  What freedom!

OK, so what about "self-control"?  Well, here's the best part!  "Self-control" is a FRUIT of the SPIRIT (Galatians 5:22-23) and it grows in us AS WE ABIDE IN JESUS.  Jesus said, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. …  If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples." John 15:5, 7-8 (NIV)  "Self-control" grows in us as we spend time with God, receiving His love, His correction, His instruction, His wisdom, His Spirit and His power!  He is the One who changes us as we focus on Him, as we surrender to Him, as we trust Him and love Him.  I am so excited about this that I can hardly sit still.  It makes me want to dance and praise God for how much He loves me and cares for me and longs for me to be free in Him.

 

The last thing I thought of today is how my "self" is NEVER satisfied.  My "self" is a berating tyrant.  My "self" can either be starving and begging for sin, or it can be demanding for me to be better and do better and try harder because even my best is never good enough.  If I am seeking to serve and satisfy mySelf, I will never succeed no matter how hard I try.  But PRAISE GOD, when I am trusting God and following and believing Him, I don't ever have to be good enough on my own!!!!!  Like I talked about here, I will always sin and fall short of God's glory, SO God sent Jesus so I could be FREELY justified by HIS GRACE. Hallelujah!

 

Lord Jesus, Almighty Father, Holy Spirit, fill me with your power today.  Discipline me and teach me to be like You as I walk with You, trusting You and receiving Your love and being transformed and set free by Your truth. Thank You, thank You, thank You for saving and forgiving and transforming and loving me.  Your truth truly is setting me free!

 

Y, Melissa

BLOGGING IN MY HEAD - Part 2

This is the conclusion of the Bloggy Cliffhanger I left you with last time.  I know, you've been checking hourly to see if I'd finished the cabinet cleaning story yet or not.  Sorry about the suspense.  : )

As I said last time, Saturday when I was scrubbing 40 years worth of nasty grime off my kitchen cabinets, I was pondering the spiritual significance of what I was doing.  That is what I do when my hands are working and my brain isn't.  (Which, notably, constitutes a large part of my days.)  I was cleaning off some gunk that I had thought would never come off...  which is why I had never really tried.  When we moved into the house there was SO much else to do (like cleaning up after the guy who had been living here before we bought it) (which is why, I now understand, people buy NEW houses!) I scratched a bit at the cabinets and surface cleaned them, but didn't really work hard at the grimy stuff because I thought it wasn't possible to remove it w/o removing the finish coming off in the process. 

So anyway, in preparation for our party Sunday, Lowell had asked me to clean the cabinets and like usual, I got carried away and started really working on them and realized it WAS possible to get the stuff off without destroying the finish.  I had just never tried hard enough before.  So the spiritual significance here???  Well, I was wondering how many things there are in my life that I've never really thought could be changed, so I never bothered trying or letting God work on it. 

Unfortunately, I didn't come up with any good answers, but I was getting annoyed at myself for THINKING so much about it!!!  When my brain gets going like that, it's hard to stop it and sometimes it seems pointless.  I honestly get TIRED of hearing myself think and b/c much of my thinking lately takes the form of how I would write a blog post about it, I start wondering about whether or not anybody else is getting tired of hearing me think as well.  (But, thankfully, if you are...  you can just stop.  Just click the little red X up there in the corner. J) 

But here's the thing I ultimately decided/realized as I kept cleaning.  GOD MADE ME THIS WAY.  "Normal" people don't see spiritual significance in stuff like grimy kitchen cabinets.  But I do.  In this I AM study I'm doing, she was talking about Moses and how he was put where he was at just the right time and I realized that one of the reasons God had me born in 1972 was so that when I was 35 and thinking thoughts like this, I could have a blog and write about them.  And it's not (for me) about how it impacts you.  Having a place like this where I can learn to think and formulate my thoughts and not be afraid of what people think and let my family know more of the real me has been a very significant thing for me. 

And as a bonus, here are some of the spiritual conclusions I came to yesterday as I was cleaning the refrigerator.  J

The fridge and cabinets can't clean themselves!  In the same way, I am not capable of cleaning myself.  God has to do it.  Just like HE saved me by his grace, He is the One who will complete the work HE has started in me.  Yes, I have a part to play in cooperating with Him, but I am changed by His grace, not by my effort.

Once one area is cleaned up I notice other areas that need cleaning up.  All of a sudden, they look bad next to the clean areas, whereas before I had never even noticed them.  When God is at work in me, I start noticing worry and pride (or whatever) in my heart I had never noticed before, even though it's been there a long time.  I'm thankful I don't see all the work there is to be done--it would be overwhelming!--and that God is also not content to leave it, but is always working on me. 

Just like the fridge gets new smudges on it and the bookshelves gather new dust, my heart's purity needs to be maintained.  God's job is to clean me...  My job is to cooperate.  And there will always be new things to work on as long as I'm alive and God and I will just keep working on them.  And I'll probably keep on blogging about them, too.  J

Thanks for thinking with me.

Y, Mel

Sweet & Sour Grapes

Today in the grocery store I saw a girl, probably age 6 or 7, biting a bag of grapes.  I was a bit surprised as I'd never seen anyone try to eat a grape that was still in the bag before.  Then she bit a second bag, um, grape...  Now, these grapes weren't in her mom's cart.  They were on the display case with all the other bags of grapes and her mom was looking at something else, just 2 feet away, and didn't appear to see anything. 

 

But here's what really surprised me.  When I saw the girl biting the grapes, I didn't gasp in horror and wonder what in the world was wrong with that child or her irresponsible mother.  I didn't agonize over whether I should alert the Produce Security Squad or point out, (graciously of course!), to the mom that her daughter was squishing grapes with her teeth in bags some unsuspecting person might buy in 5 minutes.  You know what I did?  I chuckled.  And smiled.  (HUH?????)

 

That was when it hit me.  I have crossed some type of line.  I don't know how or when it happened, but I'm not the same person I used to be.  Instead of judging the grape girl and her mom, I knew how quickly even the best-behaved children can--without thinking--do the most illogical things.  At that moment I was grateful my kids weren't the ones chomping on somebody else's grapes.  Yes, I know it is a very sad thing for the poor consumer and I hope they thoroughly wash their grapes before they eat them (after throwing away any with teeth marks).  And at this moment I'm surprised I walked away without intervening or saying anything. 

 

I just think I've learned that I don't know what battles anybody else is fighting.  The girl's mom could be in the middle of a divorce or working 2 jobs or dealing with illnesses or grief...  or just might have been paying attention to shopping at that moment instead of her daughter.  But it doesn't really matter.  I've come to a point where I feel like all the moms of the world and I are in this battle together and I'm feeling so much more like cheering everybody else on than criticizing them for what I think they're doing wrong.  Now, I grant you, that tomorrow I may be extremely frustrated with what some mother or father is doing or not doing with/for/to their child.  But it was sweet that for that moment today I was able to walk away (with my kids following me an aisle or so behind) hoping nothing but the best for the grape muncher and her mother. 

J

Fearless

***Updated to say: Sorry for the goofy formatting!*** I'm experimenting with a new journal... my computer. It's a new idea I had the other night and one benefit is that I can copy stuff and send it to my blog. Which I might do on occasion like tonight... or whenever I think God wants me to.

(FYI... the "Bill" I'm talking about here is our neighbor who is a professional musician with a connection in Nashville. Bill wants to hear "my tunes" (as he calls them) one of these days and has told me that he'll send my stuff to his guy out there if I want--even though he hasn't heard any of them yet.) Anyway, here's what I wrote. And now I'm off to bed. Ciao!

8.13.2007 10:10pm

I'm waiting for Lowell to come home from a Ranchwood HOA Board meeting and was just enjoying a few moments of peaceful, quiet contentment when my thoughts turned to turning 35 soon. I was thinking about how You, Jesus, accomplished so much in your 33 years here. You fed thousands, You healed and taught and established a church that has stood the test of time like no other, and been tested like no other. All history and time on earth is defined by YOU and those simple 33 years. I started to think about how bold and fearless You were, but realized that You weren't completely fearless. But You didn't ever, EVER, let Your fear stop You from doing what God told/called You to do. You must have at times been afraid, because You were human, and You were tested in every way, yet every time You obeyed the countless commands to FEAR NOT. Help me, Jesus, to push past my fears every day. To obey You whatever the cost.

What am I afraid of right now? Sharing my songs with people? With Bill? Lord, open my eyes to see the truth about what my music is for. Help me to know how to be faithful with it. I don't want what You've given me taken away because I buried it in the ground. Help me to be brave and to believe in Your ability to use me even though there are thousands of songwriters in the world. You have done mighty things for me, Lord, and I DO want to tell as many people as I can about You and who You are and about Your truth and freedom. Don't let me listen to the enemy's lies telling me that my stuff isn't so great or unique or special or that Bill's company/friends don't have the right connections or whatever. Lead the way Lord. I want to follow You. Fearlessly.

The Antelopes Made Me Cry

OK.  So I'm talking about antelope onions and I wasn't exactly crying, though my eyes were definitely burning as I was dicing them tonight.  But I thought it might get your attention and perhaps make up for the lack of blogging during these last few days.  How or why, I have no idea.

 

Apparently, I'm tired and have almost completely lost my mind!  (That should make my appt. with the psychologist even more interesting Wednesday!)  I have actually been getting quite a bit done (Thank You Jesus!!!) and I am very grateful for that. Of course, that doesn't mean I'll be packed on time Thursday.  I still have much to do to accomplish that!

 

So since I have some things to do (like deal with Mikaela who says she's having bad dreams right now) I'll leave you with this question:

 

When was the last time you REALLY thought about "John 3:16"?  I saw it (just the reference) on somebody's business card today and stopped to think about it for a moment.  As I recalled the verse I got teary thinking about God the Father loving the world so much, giving His Son to save us.  Those words haven't been the same to me since my kids--especially for some reason, my son--were born.  When I think of standing by and letting anybody hurt my children, I can hardly comprehend how God allowed Jesus to be beaten and die because He loved me and you and the rest of the world. 

 

John 3:16...  May it never lose its power.

 

 

Ouch

Well, God got out his pruning shears again and revealed some pretty ugly stuff in my heart last night.  As I was writing yesterday, I was thinking about the other things that can kill trees, like pests and diseases.  Apparently, God was too, and He determined it was time to remove a diseased part of my heart.  

 

For a while now off and on I have asked God to help me deal with my pride.  He heard me and answered loud and clear.  I'm won't go into all the details, but will say that I spent a good amount of time this morning grieving and repenting and trying to remember how to move on after I've blown it.  My pride got me into this mess and it is trying to keep me from getting out, too.  I feel so embarrassed and ashamed and disqualified and like I should have known better than to fall into this—not because I'm better than anybody else, but because I've been a Christian so long it just seems I should know better.  But that is my pride talking again.  It's so sneaky!  Telling me others are wrong one minute and telling me I shouldn't have messed up the next. 

 

I'm grateful for God's discipline and for his forgiveness and mercy and grace that I can absolutely count on.  He's dealing with this in me because He wants it out of the way so I can walk humbly with Him and be used by Him.  How incredible and undeserved is that.  

 

For years the following verse has been a challenge and encouragement to me.  It seems extra fitting today:  "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a HARVEST of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11

 

Amen & amen!  Thank you, Jesus, for your unending mercy and grace to me...

Too Much Fruit

One of the things I LOVE about summertime in the good old San Joaquin valley is FRUIT! About this time of year we have fruit coming out our ears, dropping off the trees and filling the kitchen. Farming is in our family's blood. My dad, grandfather and great-grandfather are/were farmers and Lowell's grandfathers were farmers too, so it only makes sense that on our little (almost) half acre lot we have 14 different kinds of fruit growing, not counting the tomatoes, peppers, squash and other stuff in our summer veggie garden.


But my point in telling you all this is not too impress you with our green thumbs. There IS such a thing as TOO much fruit. When you can't eat or freeze it or make jam or give it away fast enough, it just goes to waste. But there's actually an even greater danger. Too much fruit can break the tree branches.

When I was out picking peaches last week I was reminded of HOW IMPORTANT it is for me to let God prune me. Thinning out the activities of my life--even ones that appear fruitful!--is essential for my survival and my ability to continue to produce even better fruit. A while ago God did just that and I'm so glad I didn't fight to keep holding on when He told me to LET GO. There is also the reality that things sometimes have to die so the seeds can be planted and new things can grow from them.

How sad would it be if we were so determined to protect a particulary beautiful peach--so we left it on the tree as long as possible, protecting it from bugs and birds, and when it was so soft (and over-ripe) that it was about to fall off we picked it and brought it into the house to keep protecting it and we just kept it and kept it. Do you know what fruit smells like when it's started rotting??? It's so much better to either eat the fruit or let it drop and let the seed grow something new.

Well, I'm rambling a bit, but I feel so strongly that so many Christians are so busy being busy that we don't realize our branches are about to break (if they haven't already) because we are too busy bearing fruit that God wants us to let go of. In John 15 Jesus makes it quite clear that any branch that bears fruit needs to be pruned so it can be even more fruitful. Pruning is painful. But it is oh so necessary if we want to live fruitful lives.

Now, go eat a peach, or come get a plum or some cherry tomatoes from my house--before they're all gone! : )
Blessings to you today!
~Melissa

This is My Story...

Do you know that hymn? Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! I love the chorus: This is my story, this is my song. Praising my Savior all the day long... Earlier this week I was thinking about how (like everyone and everything) I have strengths and weaknesses. I think one of my biggest strengths has to do with words. I love just about anything (positive) that has to do with words: singing and writing songs, journaling, blogging, talking, teaching, encouraging, word games, praying, reading God's Word, studying words, learning new languages... Words are my thing. (Keeping my house clean, cooking, being on time... not so much.) The same morning I had this realization, I had been reading Psalm 145. I went back to it and was blown away by all it had to say about what we can do with our words when they're about God. Here's Psalm 145:

I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever. Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts. They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty, and I will meditate on your wonderful works. They will tell of the power of your awesome works, and I will proclaim your great deeds. They will celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness. The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made. All you have made will praise you, O LORD; your saints will extol you. They will tell of the glory of your kingdom and speak of your might, so that all men may know of your mighty acts and the glorious splendor of your kingdom. Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The LORD upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The LORD is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The LORD watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy. My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD. Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever.

There are two things about this Psalm that I love at this moment. First of all, it tells me what to do with my words. In as many ways as David could think of, he talks about talking about or talking to God and then in the middle, almost as if he can't keep it in any longer, he stops talking about talking and starts just talking about God and how marvelous and wonderful He is. Which brings me to the second thing. Look at what this psalm tells us about God. He is glorious, righteous, slow to anger, compassionate, loving, good to all, near to us when we call, He saves us, fulfills our desires, watches over us... If this were the only thing I knew about God I would want Him. I would want a relationship with Him. I would want to be one of the ones He rescues and loves. I would want the blessed assurance of saying "Jesus is mine."

So, I think in some ways, this Psalm is my story and my song. I want to use my words to tell others about God and to worship and praise and exalt and extol Him. Because He is worthy. If I can spend my life and my words doing that, I think I will have fulfilled at least one of my purposes for existing.

My Precious Jesus, may the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart and the posts on my blog be pleasing in Your sight. May they bring glory to You because You alone are worthy.

~With All my Heart, Melissa

So much to say...

Where do I begin? I am almost overwhelmed (as in if I think about it too much I might start crying) at how good God has been to us. Today was Mikaela's last day of kindergarten. Ever. Last year about this time I was fretting about choosing Track C afternoon with Mrs. Lucero or Track B morning with a new teacher. It felt like a complicated decision for lots of reasons. But I begged and pleaded for God to lead us and get our daughter in the right class and did He ever. Sra. Lucero is without exagerration the best Kinder teacher I have ever seen. Even Toby is sad to be leaving her. He said today, "But Mikaela's new teacher won't know my name!" (I assured him that by the end of the first day she probably would.) And he said, "But Sra. Lucero always lets me give her a big hug!" (Awww.....)

The first time I saw her class (7 years ago) I was amazed and apalled that I wasn't teaching my students nearly as much as she was. When I visited again a year ago I felt like I was home. She was who God had picked for us and I am so glad. (And the afternoon schedule ended up being PERFECT for our non-morning-people family. Thank you Lord!) (And if we'd picked track B we would NOT be on vacation until August. Thank you Lord again!!!)

As I was revelling in the joy of being on vacation this afternoon (I felt almost instantly less stressed) I found myself reminiscing about summer vacations back when I was a kid (in the old days, as Mikaela would say). Granted, we were off for about 3 months instead of 2, but they seemed to last so long. I was wishing somehow I could make this break last as long as those summers seemed to. I want to play with my kids and do projects with them and go camping and maybe to VBS somewhere and take naps and read books and go for walks (sometimes known as exercise) and go swimming (an even more enjoyable version of the same) and play in the sprinklers and make popsicles and, and... Sigh.

But rather than set myself up for disappointment by creating a long list of things to accomplish, I think my list will be short and simple:

• Teach kids about Jesus
• Play with kids
• Practice resting
• Work on adoption and file taxes (all play and no work uh..... causes problems.)
• Try to have Mikaela's friends from school over if it works, don't stress if it doesn't.
• Take things one day at a time
• ENJOY LIFE EVERYDAY. BE THANKFUL EVERYDAY. WORSHIP GOD EVERYDAY.
• (Ok... and do laundry and make dinner and stuff like that.)

I'll let you know how it goes.

TROOPERS!

This is a picture of my beautiful daughter who is 4 days away from finishing her first year in school... officially known as kindergarten. We took these pictures up at Hume Lake after hiking up to the Little Brown Church with Mik, Toby, cousins Samuel, James, Matthew, Allison, Lowell and Myself. The kids AMAZED me with their ability to hike the half mile it was from our cabin (ok, Toby WAS begging to be carried) and they were thrilled that they made it and thrilled by what they found at the end of the journey. (As you can see, the Little Brown Church is exactly what its name implies.) It is beyond thrilling to me, though, that all these kids love Jesus and church so much that they would be so excited about finding a little church and the little Bible in it. (That's a yellow golf ball on the little pew, by the way.)

Mikaela hugged the cross. Remembering it still brings tears to my eyes. I couldn't ask for more than for my kids to truly know and love God and I am so grateful for the priviledge of watching them and guiding them in their learning to know Him. (Toby has been reminding me of a little Nicodemus lately. He wants to understand so badly where God is and how He can be everywhere and so big and still be in our hearts. It's amazing the questions he asks. And hard to find answers sometimes.)

When I started this post, I was calling it "4 more days..." thinking about how Mik has 4 days of school left and how ready I am to be done--especially with feeling bad when we're late to school (which has been way too often lately) or don't get all her homework done (again, too often!) It's particularly embarrassing since I was a kindergarten teacher before Mik was born. But I think I have a case of summeritis (like senioritis but for parents of non-seniors.) and I'm just ready.

And not ready all at the same time. I am anticipating this week will be an emotional one for me. But I realized I will get through it the same way we got up the hill to the Little Brown Church. One step at a time. Together. Sometimes whining, sometimes aching, sometimes being carried... but oh SO thrilled at the destination when we find Jesus there. And shouting "I love Jesus!" at the top because He's the One who's gonna be carrying me convincing me that I can be a trooper, too.

And by the way, He'll do the same for you... Troop on friends!

La Miel de Melissa

While I reserve the right to change it again (because I can,) you may have noticed I changed the name of my blog. Here's why.

As you see above, "Melissa" means "honeybee" in Greek. I've always liked my name but never really thought its meaning had much significance. But lately I have been thinking about what it means to be a honeybee. Here's some of what I've found/figured out:

Honey (Miel) is amazing stuff. It never spoils. It is produced by bees sipping nectar from flowers and then partially digesting it (yeah, I know--gross) and then storing it in honeycombs. What happens next is amazing. Honeybees fan their wings across the unsealed honeycomb creating a strong draft that evaporates some of the water in the honey. This is what keeps the honey from spoiling. It then has the perfect pH levels and sugar/water ratio to prevent bacteria from being able to grow in it. That's why honey was at times used as an antibiotic. If you put it on a wound, it will keep bacteria from growing. It also has lots of good stuff in it that plain sugar doesn't have (antioxidants and good bacteria and stuff like that.) And it's yummy!

In case you didn't know, I'm a talker by nature (and nurture. Thanks, Mom.) and I've realized that the words I say (and the things I do, and the blogs I create) are the honey I produce. Like bees, I have to work hard to refine and concentrate my words. You have no idea how much I delete because it's watering down what I'm trying to say. And like honey, the flavor of what comes out of my heart will be determined by what I am feeding my heart. Am I feasting on God's Word and being filled with His Spirit or am I indulging in the pleasures and entertainment of the world's buffet to satisfy my flesh? The more I choose the latter, the more my honey will become like Mad Honey--poisonous.

Now about the mysterious bee shortage our country is facing... Until a few days ago I didn't think there was any connection, but maybe there is. I wonder how many other Christians are called to be honeybees? I think we all--to whatever extent God give us words--are called to share our faith and our lives and our Jesus with the starving world around us. But far too often, we are missing. I am missing. I go to Mikaela's school and talk with other moms, but how often do I truly offer Jesus to them? I hope that they see Him in me. I pray that they do and that when they discover that they are actually hungry and not being satisfied with anything else that they will know I have the sweetest honey in the world to share with them. But how much more should I be offering instead of waiting for them to ask? I'm not sure, but as the school year is rapidly passing I hope I am not left at the end wondering if I missed my chance. Will you pray for me that God will give me the courage to share what He's given me? May we all be so filled up with Jesus that when people taste who we are, they taste Him.

What Were You Made For?

Last month I was learning how to do some new things and feeling new confidence for a variety of reasons and it left me wondering about why and if I should feel better about myself or not. This is what I wrote in my journal: "Show me Truth about that, God, because I want my confidence to lie completely in You and not in a new haircut, new clothes, or anything else. I keep thinking about a sports car. (A convertible, by the way.) When it's all dirty and left in a parking lot or stuck in traffic or never driven anywhere except slowly around town is it a different vehicle than when it's clean, polished and flying top-down down a country road? NO! Which one is more glorious? The second! Which one is fulfilling its purpose? The second! Is it wrong for the car (or its owner) to think differently about the car when it's dirty and stuck than when it's flying and shiny? YES. Because the car is the same either way--but you can't see it or experience it for what it is in a traffic jam covered with dirt! We shouldn't think better of the car when it's clean--we should think better of it when it is still dirty knowing it was made for something greater than a parking lot. SO. When I start realizing I can do things I didn't think I could do before and start feeling more confident it's not wrong. I was wrong before when I was doubting and not sure of myself. You (God) made me and every other person on this planet to be beautiful, strong and free. Some are more broken down and dirty, but they are still made in Your image and it is our job to be in the restoration/tune up/repair business. You create miracles and we need to be looking for them and helping others to see themselves (and ourselves) the way You see us... as amazing reflections of You. As my confidence grows, Lord, please keep it grounded in You. I know and agree again with the Truth that You are the Vine and I am a branch and without You I can DO NOTHING-- but with You as I abide in you I will bear much fruit as You flow through me. (John 15) Wow. How amazing is that? And I was created to bring You glory and to advance the gospel. Help me to do that. Cheetahs were made to run fast. Eagles were created to fly. Dolphins were made to swim. I was made to be loved by God and to love God and to bring Him glory by talking and singing about Him." What were you made for???

Potholes and Landmines

I was in a really good mood yesterday while driving Mikaela to school. It was the second day back from vacation and we were early for the second time! I was elated! When I'm feeling good like that I can't imagine ever feeling down again. God is good and He's done so much amazing (and painful) work in my life this last year I sometimes feel like I'm going to be free forever. It wasn't long ago that I looked ahead and felt like I saw a road riddled with huge potholes. I had to depend desperately on Christ to lead me through so I didn't fall into the pits of depression and self-condemnation and frustration stuck forever. He has led me and taught me so much that now I look ahead and see --- (Chuckle)... I was about to say I saw sunshine and meadows and blue skies, but knew that it was all a beautiful cover for a new challenge--navigating hidden landmines. There is no forever safe place until we reach heaven. Funny thing--no, hilarious thing--is that just then, the phone rang. It was Mikaela's school telling me she was supposed to be there early today (like every Thursday)... And I totally forgot. KABOOM! I just stepped on a landmine. Now, really, it wasn't a big deal. This was a small one. We semi-frantically got her to school about an hour late. So what? But what about the big ones that knock us flat and take the wind out of us? And why doesn't our faithful Shepherd who IS WITH US ALWAYS keep us from ever stepping on any to start with? Why doesn't He just eliminate all of them once and for all? Well, I have nothing but simple answers for those questions that at times seem trite but are still true. One thing I've learned is that I learn the most through the hard times and I am usually grateful for them after the fact. And I know that if He removed all the landmines and fixed all the potholes I wouldn't stay so close to Him. So I guess for now I'll just try to stay by my Shepherd and pay attention to His warnings and leadings... and enjoy the sunshine as long as it lasts. :)