Who Me? Distracted???

OK, sorry everyone!  This is just a quick note to tell you why I haven't been blogging much recently.  First of all, my hubby, kids and I went to the coast last weekend.  We had a wonderful time and I'm hoping to share some pictures from our trip in a few days.  But the other reason I haven't done much blogging is that I've found another internet distraction!  (Please don't feel betrayed...)  J

 

It turns out that our adoption agency has a web forum where families from the different country programs can "talk" to each other (post topics and replies) and it has been amazing how much it has made our adoption feel more real to me.  I get to see pictures of other kids and hear from people who are travelling right now to meet their children or will be soon as well as families who are just starting the process (which reminds me how far we've come!)  They are a wonderfully supportive group of people and I love them already!  You can take a look at it if you'd like, too.

 

So anyway, I just wanted to let you know I'm not gone forever...  just distracted!  (I know, that's so strange!)  But I have lots to tell you about (surprise, surprise) and hopefully will get around to it soon!

 

Y, Melissa

 

---

"I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

Ephesians 3:17b-19

Hmmmmm.....

Well, I had a lovely Mother's Day weekend and I hope the rest of you did too, (whether you are mothers or not!) But I was busy and didn't have time to write anything for the blog. So I thought I'd share this thought-provoking quote my friend Lisa gave me last week (instead of adding nothing!!!) While there are some parts of it I don't completely agree with (or would say differently), it still resonates with me.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brillant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlighted about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-Marianne Williamson

What do you think? Back next weekend... : ), Melissa

What's in my head right now...

Planning for our church's Mother and Daughter brunch next Saturday... 

 

Deciding whether it will be best for Toby to start or not start kindergarten next year...  (don't even get me started.  I have obsessed about this way too much!!!)

 

Discovering places online where families who are adopting or have adopted through our agency can post questions and answers for each other...

 

Reading blogs by families who have adopted or will be adopting soon from Thailand...  (Which is where, in case you're interested, I found a link to this article in the Bangkok Post about foster families (with the Sahathai foundation) like the one caring for Kamin.)

 

Realizing school is going to be out in less than 6 weeks!   Wow!!!  I'm quite excited about that...  J

 

Wondering how my relationship with God is right now and if I'll ever be up early in the mornings to pray consistently again...  but trusting Him to help me stay close.

 

Wondering how I'll do on housekeeping this week while I'm getting ready for the brunch Saturday and if I'll get enough other people to help (I already have a lot) or if I'll still try to do too much by myself because I'm not good at gauging how much I can really do in any particular amount of time...

 

Thinking I need to work on our taxes (we filed an extension again this year) because I want them to be done before I completely forget the year 2007.

 

Trying to take life one day at a time and enjoy the special moments God gives us because they really are treasures and (I think) meant to strengthen us for the journey...  (I'll tell you more next weekend about my thoughts on this because I'm talking about it at the brunch.  You can pray that God will speak to all of us and that we will hear Him!!!  Thank you!!!)

 

May your week be filled with truth, peace, hope, strength and courage as You walk with Jesus one step at a time...

 

Y, Melissa

Confirmation

Hi Everyone! I got to talk on the phone last night with my sister (in-law) who lives in Thailand and realized I hadn't posted much lately about Kamin on here! It's certainly not because I haven't been thinking about him. : ) Just this week, in fact, I was submitting paperwork to the US Department of Homeland Security to request to classify him as an immediate relative. : ) How cool is that? I am extremely grateful for the patience God has given me/us so far. It's been a month already since we were matched and I'm sure that the months to come will go quickly, too. Life is just like that. God's grace is good and more than enough. And waiting is a matter of perspective, really. If we hadn't expected to have to wait another 6-8 months, I'd probably be impatient, upset, frustrated and depressed. But this is what we expected so for now it's okay. If time keeps passing and it goes longer than we expect, it will be much harder... but God is constantly reminding me that He's with us and He will help us through whatever we all have to go through. No matter what it is. I mentioned a month ago that God had made it really clear that Kamin is the little boy God has chosen for us, but I never told you the story... : ) The weekend after we got the phone call from our agency, I was processing a lot and thinking a lot about Kamin's birth mom and what it will be like for him to have to leave his foster family and come to this strange, cold place called Fresno with this strange pale family who speaks a strange language and eats weird food and lives in a house that smells funny, etc, etc, etc! (You get the picture!) It can be overwhelming for me to think about the initial transition period we'll go through and the grieving he'll go through. But 5 days later we were at a Bible study and as we sang the song "Enough" God reminded me powerfully that He will take care of us and give us everything we need and more to get through whatever we have to get through. I felt so relieved and comforted by the Holy Spirit. So that night when we came home, I wanted to journal about what God had spoken to me about and about how He had quieted and stilled my heart and restored my peace. As I was writing, I remembered a song I wrote last summer called "Be Still", and since I couldn't remember all of the words, I looked it up. Under the title, I had written this verse:

“Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.” Psalm 46:10-11

I thought it applied so perfectly to our adoption of Kamin and how God is going to be exalted among the nations and in the earth as we trust Him through this process. I skimmed over the words to the song again... until my eyes landed at the bottom of the page when I gasped and started crying (which I'm doing again.) At the bottom of the page was the date I had written the song... 07-07-07... the very same day that Kamin was born. I was and still am absolutely in awe of how God has been weaving this story together. I remember that morning so well... partly because when I was writing a particular part of the song, God was giving me the words for it so fast that I could hardly write them down fast enough. And that's never happened to me before or since. So I remember it well and I think it is so sweet of God to have given me a memory of that day so when I tell the story to Kamin someday I can tell him exactly where I was when I woke up a few hours after he was born and how God was already preparing his forever family for him. So that's how God made it so clear to me that we can rest assured and in confidence that Kamin is The Little One we have been waiting for... Isn't God good??? "The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress." Y, Melissa

12 Years Later...

I have a tendency to talk a lot on my blog about the funny things my kids do and the crazy things I'm obsessing about. But I don't talk a whole lot about my husband. So tonight I'm going to! : ) Last Monday, Lowell and I celebrated our 12 year anniversary. Even after 12 years of doing his laundry and dishes, I love him more than ever. He is more supportive of me than I am of myself, he loves our kids and is a great father, he is a leader at church, a man of solid integrity , incredibly talented and can build just about anything he decides he wants to.

He also somehow he manages to have a very stressful job and still be fun to have around when he's at home. People (some of whom we've known a very long time) often ask, "Now, what exactly does Lowell do at his job again?" Many other people don't bother asking, but they still don't really understand what he does. So I thought I could give you a little insight here into his job. The other day he got an email from Bill. It went like this:

From: Bill
To: Lowell Ens
Subject: RP

Attached are revised RP and Letter. I was confused because on the HUD call you mentioned 115 units. I got it now though. Based on our call today it may require one more change of 36 ACC/LIHTC to 30 ACC/LIHTC and 6 LIHTC only.

This was Lowell's response:

Bill -- Michael was working the numbers this afternoon on Yosemite rental component. Couple things -- to get enough LIHTC units to cover debt, we need 16 units out of ACC. Too many I think for HUD comfort level and also affects TDC on the remainder since that leaves 20 units ACC with $4.4 million in HOPE VI. He is now shooting for 8-10 units and carrying back some type of other loan to cover about half the perm bond debt. May be another residual receipt or deferred developer fee with terms that allow for longer term repayment. We also think operating cost will actually be lower than TCAC requires in their proforma, so may be additional cash flow to cover the residual payments. Not sure how HUD will view this and may affect ACC subsidy on the remainder of new and existing units? Your thoughts are welcomed. When we come up with the best scenario, you'll need to add this to the letter, but should we wait til then?

Lowell

There. Now I'm sure you all understand exactly what he does. : )

Anyway, I'm so glad I am married to this man and look forward to the rest of my days with him. God knew I needed him and He went to great lengths to make sure we ended up together. And I'm so very grateful.

I love you, Babe!

Y, Melissa

To Thine Own Self... Be NICE!!!

This was the lesson God taught me this week. To stop treating myself in a way that was mean and critical and merciless and grace-less. It's not a new concept for me, but God helped me see it from a completely new perspective. Let me explain... On Thursday night as I was heading to Celebrate Recovery I was feeling disgusted with myself for being flaky and some other things that I don't even remember now. Whatever it was, I wasn't liking myself very much and I was not encouraging myself with what I was thinking. And that's when God broke into the conversation going on in my head and He told me to STOP! Stop doing to yourself what you would never want to do to anyone else! (Wow!) For example, if I am at church and somebody comes to me and shares how discouraged they are, what do I do? I try to encourage them and remind them to ask God to reveal the truth and to listen to Him and that He loves them and that He will always help us and to resist the enemy's lies, etc, etc, etc... I would never jump in and agree that yes, they really are hopeless and never going to change and really quite a disappointment and so why do they even keep trying because, good grief, what a mess they are--it's no wonder they're discouraged! Could you imagine????? How would you feel if somebody did that to you? How would you feel if somebody did that to your child????? (I would be so angry!!!!!) What God was challenging me about was this: If I would never say it was okay for anyone else to be spoken to like that, why was it okay to speak to myself like that??? (It wasn't!) So instead of agreeing with what the enemy wants me to believe about myself (lies, lies, lies!), I am asking for God to keep showing me when I am treating myself in a way that is unacceptable for any child of His. And when I feel discouraged, I am going to remind myself of the things I would remind anybody else of: If we are believers in Jesus, we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us and we can do everything through Christ who gives us strength and we are LOVED VERY MUCH! Like I said... not new information. Just a renewed perspective. J, Melissa