What I'm About to Write

I don’t really know what I’m about to write. But that’s part of the fun. I used to do this on occasion, but it’s been a long time since I’ve let my fingers fly over the keys while I waited to see what words would appear on the screen, as if my fingers themselves were a team of writers and I was the reader wondering what would come next.

 I love writing with a pen on paper. (Preferable a really good gel pen, thank you. I’m not so picky about paper, though I do prefer it be thick enough so when you turn the page over you can’t see ink bleeding through. That’s annoying.)

For the last several years I have favored writing by hand over typing because writing by hand slows down my brain and sometimes I really need that. Naturally, it leads to writing that is more reflective in nature because I have more time to reflect as I write    e v e r    s o    s l o w l y    o n    t h e    p a g e s .

But I'm wondering again about this kind of writing. I know in the past when I have written on a screen it has primarily been for my blog - when I had something to share with someone else. Even though my journals might be shared (if I ever finish my book), there I write to God or for myself. On the computer, however, my writing has almost always been with a reader in mind, so somehow it feels different. In college, it was for a professor. When it’s email, it’s for a recipient. When it’s on a blog, it’s for you. (Whoever you might be!)

I have wondered and wrestled for a while now about whether or not to start blogging again on a semi-regular basis. The nay-sayers in my mind say not to bother. There are already so many voices in the world. Is one more really needed? Everyone is already so bombarded with perspectives and opinions and people telling them what to think and how to live. It’s exhausting and often ridiculous. My internal nay-sayers are also quick to tell me that if I DO dare decide to start blogging again, I really should redesign my blog first. Or start a new one entirely. (Do I REALLY dare let potential new readers so easily find what I wrote back in 2006 when I first created my blog? Yikes?) AND I really need to rethink what I’m going to write about, because, sheesh. A little focus might be nice. I have so many ideas of what I could write about and subjects I’m interested in or passionate about. It’s hard to decide. Oh. And also? I need to be really careful not to get too preachy, because, after all, who am I to tell people what to think and how to live!?

Well. I think it may be time for me to tell the nay-sayers to SHUT UP. (I apologize if that’s a bad word in your house. I am a former kindergarten teacher, after all. I should know better. *wink*) Let’s be honest, anyway. There aren’t multiple nay-sayers in my brain. Me, myself, and I don’t count as 3 voices. While I’ve always loved a good trio (Hello, my sweet sister, cousin, and mother! I miss singing with you!) a good trio this is not. It’s really just me. And it’s time to tell me/myself/I the truth.

1. I can blog without preaching. I know how to do that. I don’t want to tell anyone what to think. I just want to share my heart in case it helps someone else out along their way.

2. Focus, schmocus. (Not to be confused with hokus pokus.) I realized this morning almost everything I want to share falls fairly neatly into these categories: what I’m learning or need to remember, what I’m holding onto and what I’m letting go of, and maybe what I’m loving, laughing, or still thinking about, too. Simple enough.

3. Redesign my blog and hide all of my old posts? Shrug. Not now. Not if it’s going to keep me from writing. (I can always issue a disclaimer, right? You are hereby reminded that stuff I wrote 10 years ago may or may not match what I think anymore!)

4. But really, ONE MORE VOICE? Well, in a world where so many people are shouting, I could say no. We really don’t need another voice yelling out there. But what if instead of an angry mob, I can just join the choir? Because is another voice ever wrong if it’s being added to a choir producing beautiful music? NO WAY. Not in my opinion! (I mean, if you’re out of choir robes or space or sheet music or something, you’ve got issues, but they’re solvable. Really.)

It’s been a long, long time since I experienced the joy of singing in a choir, but I can still close my eyes and imagine it. The voices are each unique, but blending and harmonizing, taking turns being loud or soft, listening to each other, not overpowering each other, appreciating what each contributes to the whole, as we would follow the conductor together. It gives you chills. It’s stunning.

So maybe it’s time again for these fingers to fly and join the chorus of voices out there speaking truth and love, if for nobody else, for the sake of a small group of friends who might listen to my “song” and find some encouragement or a reminder that will strengthen them - even if only for the next steps they need to take. (Sometimes that's all we need.)

Yeah. I think it’s time. Me, myself, my fingers, and I all finally agree.  We’ll see you again soon.