I Will Also Dance

I am so thankful to be part of Bonnie Gray's launch team for her beautiful - inside and out - new book, Whispers of Rest. It just released yesterday!

I've been reading it for close to four weeks* and it's been like I imagine cups of water feel when handed to marathon runners. This devotional has been poetic, practical, and peaceful relief and refreshment on a daily basis during a time when I have desperately needed it.

Jesus has met me through these pages.

In recent days, God has used Bonnie's words to remind me my hope is in Him. Not doctors or teenagers or myself or anyone else. My hope is in Christ and the Holy Spirit IN me and IN God's people. But even so, clinging to my God of Hope lately has felt like a tug-of-war with desperation and anxiety trying mighty hard to defeat me.

Monday this week I tried to count everything as JOY. Ten years ago I wrote a song called "Count It All Joy", and I dug it out so I could remember the words. What amazed me wasn't the song, but ALL of the songs. I found song after song after song after song I had written 3-10 years ago.

Where had my song gone?

I opened this Monday afternoon. Even the chocolate was preaching at me!

I was so sad to see how grief and stress and other problems in recent years had stolen my joy.

I woke up in the middle of the night and cried a bit. Then I woke up yesterday morning and read these words in Whispers of Rest:

God whispered to me that it was time to PLAY. A couple of pages later, I read this:

"Dare to be renewed. Dare to play. Today. ... Make time to play. Be child-like. Laugh, waste some time, SING, dance, try something new. Renew your spirit with joy."

I cried again, but this time touched by the tenderness of the Holy Spirit. I downloaded a song I'd heard on the radio and made it my anthem for the day. I danced and sang in the morning. I exploded marshmallows in the microwave with the kids in the afternoon. I even took pictures of the dishes when I noticed the colors were all matching each other (and the tile and Bonnie's book!) last night.

Ok, so I did have to add some red and purple and black and brown eventually. But the blues and whites and silvers made me smile. :) 

As I wake up today, the worries are threatening to steal my joy again. I'm choosing this time, however, to remember the things I'm worried about may be real and hard and confusing, but they are not the end of the story or the whole story. There is more to life than the difficulties and a good way to deflate my anxiety is to focus my attention on something else. To count my blessings and remember the Blesser.

I will still grieve when I need to grieve and work when I need to work. This marathon is far from over and I have to keep running this race. So, run I will.

But I will also dance.

(You've GOT to hear this song. Dance with me?)

In His Joy,

Melissa

________________________________________________________________________

 *In order to participate in the Whispers of Rest Launch Team and write a review of the book (which I'll do in full once I've finished it in a few weeks), I was given an advance copy of the book. (Yippee!) Whispers of Rest is a 40 day devotional detox designed to help the reader hear God's voice and enter into His rest. It's now available everywhere books are sold! Check out Bonnie's website for more info and free downloads, and join us June 5 for a 6 week online book club. 

Walk with Me

I went for a walk this morning.  The peach trees (or nectarine trees. I'm not actually sure.) are blooming and I hadn't taken time to stop and savor them yet this year. I thought about you when I was out there and wondered what it would be like to take you on a virtual walk with me... Have you ever seen an whole orchard in bloom?

Parked here next to an old olive grove, it's just us and the crows.

But the blossoms are gorgeous. Even more beautiful than my phone can capture.

Ever since I was a little girl I've been mesmerized by rows... rows of trees, rows of cotton plants, rows of vines... They make me happy.

It's interesting how grapes don't have blossoms like the fruit trees. There are signs of new growth, though. See the green new leaves popping out?

The olive trees behind us still have a few olives hanging on them. Drying out leftovers after the harvest, I guess.

Walking back, I can't help but notice the branches that have been pruned in preparation for this year's harvest. The trees are beautiful partly because they've been lovingly, painfully cared for by the workers who aren't afraid to prune back branches so there will be better fruit.

Some blossoms started blowing in the breeze. It was dreamy, snowfall-like loveliness. I picked up a few scattered petals to take home. That's when a word came to mind:

 GENTLE.

To carry a handful of petals, you have to be gentle. You can't hoard and carry too many, or they'll be crushed. It reminded me of one of the lessons God taught me at the retreat this past weekend.

I have to take the pressure off of my life, or I will crush it instead of letting the GENTLE life of Christ in me CARRY my life. 

My heart was made for GENTLE living, not PRESSURED striving.

My kids were made for GENTLE training, not HARSH impatience.

My marriage was made for GENTLE love, not DUTIFUL obligation.

"I therefore, the prisoner for the Lord, urge you to live worthily of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and GENTLENESS, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." ~Ephesians 4:1-3 (NET)

We are also instructed to allow the Spirit to grow the fruit of GENTLENESS in our hearts (Galatians 5:23), to clothe ourselves with GENTLENESS (Colossians 3:12), and to let everyone see our GENTLENESS (Philippians 4:5). 

Why? Because Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke on you and learn from me, because I AM GENTLE and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and my load is not hard to carry." ~Matthew 11:28-30 (NET)

We can be gentle with each other and on ourselves, because God is gentle with us.

My friends Wendy and Debby both became grandmothers yesterday. They are so excited, and rightly so. Their granddaughters are adorable. While neither of them have older siblings or cousins, you can bet that if a toddler or other child was holding or touching those baby girls, the word "GENTLE!" would be on the lips of those grandmas. Why? Because we treat babies with gentleness. It's instinctive.

It's RIGHT. 

Friends, let's remember that it's also right to treat ourselves and those around us with gentleness. Somewhere along the way, it becomes less instinctive. By the grace of God, though, we can learn again. Because we can learn from him. And HE IS GENTLE.

Thanks for walking with me today, friend!

Have a blessed and gentle day. :)

See you next time,

Melissa

Whispers of Hope

God has been going out of his way (though really it just is his way!) to speak HOPE to me in the last few days. In books, on walls, in songs, and in Scripture, over and over and over again I keep seeing this word: HOPE.

It is touching my heart in tender, merciful ways. Driving home from Shaver Lake this morning was worshipful. The mountain vistas and rocks and trees and hills seemed to be breaking into song all around. The beauty was stunning. These drought-stricken hills are a brilliant green, for a little while anyway, and I didn't want it to end.

(Can you see the rainbow off in the distance, just over the hill?)

While the green was lovely, I was most captivated by the oak trees. 

It's hard to tell the difference between dormancy and death when you can only see the surface, but there they stood. Survivors of drought and fighters for life, their roots go down DEEP. They aren't afraid of winter seasons that look like death because they know HOPE. They aren't afraid of their true shape being exposed because in dropping their leaves, they let through more light. They lift their bare branches to the heavens in a posture of praise and worship, all the while digging down deeper and deeper so they can keep surviving as long as the drought may last. They are brave, bold and beautiful even in the barest state. At least to me. 

I, too, am still in a winter-like season. I'm not doing any official serving or ministry or leading right now and haven't since we returned from Peru last year. For at least a few more months, I'm allowing God to continue to work on healing hearts and deepening roots, because it's not that kind of fruit-bearing time. Not yet, anyway. We trust with hope, just like the oak trees, that this is truly just a season and that fruit will be grown and shared once more. I hope that as I stand before God with the leaves down that more light will continue to shine and more work will be done where it's needed.

I can't help but compare this season of my heart to the seasons around me and find it intriguing how timely it is. I pass by peach, plum and nectarine orchards several times a week. Like the oak trees, they have stood bare through the winter and recently I have watched the farmers and workers out in the middle of the still bare-branched trees with pruning shears in their hands. It is the season for pruning and shaping. They are removing dead and unnecessary wood so that the best harvest will come a few calendar pages from now. The best time for pruning is now - before the leaves cloud the view. The blossoms are coming, too. Every day I am intently searching for glimpses of the tiny hope-bearers that are about to explode all around me. And they're starting to show up. More evidence of hope.

I will cling to hope, too. Whether it's because the skies inside feel grey or because the pruning shears in the hands of God sting when they expose and thin the dead attitudes and damaging lies that will keep me from bearing fruit in the future, I will hold on to hope. As sure as the oak trees and I are that spring will come, I am sure that someday again bareness will turn to bearing. Fruit and glory bearing will come in due time.

And in the meantime, I have HOPE. And much more. And that's enough.

Just wondering?

Here

My first 5 Minute Friday post in a while.  (And it's not Friday here yet, no, but it will be by the time my head hits the pillow in a little while. So here goes anyway!)

HERE

I almost don't want to intrude on the thoughts, feelings, peace, gratitude that well up right now when I think of that word. I am here. And I'm good with that. (Grin.) You don't know that it's significant, but I do. You don't know that I have wrestled so much - not with where I am, but with just ME. (Or maybe you're one of the ones that does...) :)  But for the moment - for today - for tonight - I'm at peace.

He's at work. There's no doubt about it. This peace is not from inside me, except for it being from the Spirit inside of me. So thanks, Lord. I know tomorrow is coming - with hormonal insanity and three kids and me and a couple of cans of paint and a new closet thing with its 248 pieces and they call those instructions?... But for tonight there is the God of peace. And He will be with me tomorrow, too.

5 Minute Friday at lisajobaker.com

Right HERE.

Right here. With me. Once again, Lord, You have shown up HERE in such a sweet, surprising way. 

This evening I while I was dreaming and thinking of planning a worship retreat/seminar I kept recalling the words to a Psalm but couldn't remember where it was from. A quick scan through my son's Bible didn't help. So I thought I'd look it up on my phone, which led to downloading an app so I could search Biblegateway more easily.

: )

So guess what showed up when I opened the app and tapped on the Bible reading for today? Yep. The very exact Psalm that had been rolling through my head for the previous hour. (Psalm 63)

So I say again like I was singing earlier tonight, Lord...

"I don't want to talk about You like You're not in the room. I want to look right at You. I want to sing right to You."  Please keep me reminding me again and again and again that You really are HERE with me - HERE in me... Christ in me, the hope of glory... and that it doesn't matter if HERE is in California or if HERE is in Peru, You are with me and my soul can find rest and peace in You because You are the One who satisfies my heart and soul. Right HERE.

_____________________

 Wanna play? Hop on over to lisajobaker.com and join the party!

On God I Rest

Remember the ladders?  If you were reading along with me during Lent, you might remember several posts referring to ladders.  It's been an evolving metaphor of sorts that has evolved once again. It started with thinking of balancing on a teeter-totter with pride on one side and insecurity on the other.  God helped me realize that pride and insecurity aren't opposites with something good and stable in the middle.  There is no safe spot on that teeter-totter.  The real opposite of pride is humility and the true opposite of insecurity is confidence.  And it's all about who I am depending on.  Am I depending on myself or am I depending on God?  Thus, the ladders.  I was thinking about three legged fruit picking ladders, to be exact.  The bad ladder: insecurity and pride in the front leaning on the back leg of self-reliance.  The good ladder: humility and confidence in God leaning on the back leg of dependence on God.

But you know what? There is something significantly wrong with that comparison.  Depending on God doesn't look ANYTHING like depending on myself.  A better picture of depending on myself is (use your imagination with me here) me climbing a ladder that I'm also holding up.  So in place of that post in the back, imagine me--  holding up the ladder.  : )  Dumb, huh?  Not to mention impossible.  I can't climb something and hold it up at the same time any more than I can depend on myself to get through this life.  And anyway, WHY WOULD I LEAN ON MYSELF WHEN I CAN LEAN ON THE ROCK OF GOD?????  Forget standing on pride and insecurity and leaning on myself.  I am standing and leaning on the Rock Eternal (Isaiah 26:4).

This song has been running through my mind as I've thought of leaning my ladder of humility and confidence in God on "the wall of God" instead of leaning on myself.  So I thought I would share it with you all.  : )  I'm so glad God is teaching me more and more and more to trust Him and how to lean on Him.





PSALM 62 by Shane & Shane
He’s the only one
Strong enough to lean
My heaviness against
The weight of all my sin
Falling on a rock
Leaning on a fortress
Oh the wall of God, Jesus
He won’t move

On God I rest
My salvation
My fortress
Shall not be shaken
My mighty rock
And my glorious
I lay my head upon His chest
On God I rest

Oh I am calling out
Oh my soul
Oh my stubborn soul
Won’t you wait on Him
Wait in the quiet
Even in your fear
Oh your God is here, to lean on!
He won’t move

He has spoken
Hear his voice
I have come for the broken
So all ye weary come and rest

Escape from Pride

OK.  So about this pride stuff.  First of all, let me clarify (thank you, Monica) that when I talk about needing to be humbled, I am NOT talking about humiliation.  I might talk more about that this week yet, but for now I'll just say I see those two things as very different.  The first good, the second not.  I'm also still thinking about the idea that fear of being humbled might be an indication of pride...  it might actually just be an indication of being alive because being humbled is painful and normal people don't like pain.  : )

Anyway.

Here's what I noticed last week.  I was feeling exhausted.  I was feeling  frustrated that I couldn't get everything done and afraid of what would happen if people knew.  (Knew "what" exactly, I'm not sure...  that I'm human?)  It was another perfectionism/insecurity/anxiety attack because I feel like so many things are out of my control right now and I. DO. NOT. LIKE. IT.  I want our schedule to be under control, our house to be clean, our things to be uncluttered and organized, our files to be tidy and our children to be good missionary kids.  I want to feel like I'm in control because feeling out of control is scary.  AND I DON'T WANT TO FAIL.

All that by itself isn't necessarily wrong, I don't think.  But here's what is:  when God kept digging, under all of my efforts to want to be in control is wanting to look good.  Wanting to meet expectations.  Wanting to please people.   Wanting to be good enough and wanting to get more affirmation because I am insecure in this new role in ministry AND because my pride doesn't want to get hurt.  I like what Monica said: "Pride is insecurity all dressed up."  : )  Pride and insecurity together make a relentless, ridiculous taskmaster that is exhausting to follow.

I do want to say I don't always feel this way.  These last couple of weeks, however, made for the right combination of pressures to help me fall into the trap.  As God was uncovering how pride and insecurity were at the root of much of my discouragement and weariness last week, I realized I felt much like the "wizard" trying to control all of the levers and pleading for Dorothy and crew to "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!!!"

Oh, Lord.  Thank You for your mercy.  Because that's where Matthew 11:28-30 came alive.  I had already chosen it as my passage to memorize in Spanish the week before - because of the "Come unto me...  and I will give you rest" part.  But it was the next part that caught me all of a sudden.

Verse 39 says "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and HUMBLE in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

I had never seen it before.  There is a direct connection between humility and rest.  When I am determined to get it all and keep it all together so that I can always look good, I'll never rest.  When I let my pride or insecurity call the shots, I won't rest.  But when I embrace humility and the truth that my confidence is in God and NOT IN MYSELF...  in God's grace and not my strength or smarts, I can leave it in His hands AND REST.  I can follow His lead AND REST.  I can thank Him for His faithfulness every day of my life and I will find rest for my soul.  For His yoke really does fit easier and really is lighter.

Thank You Lord!

Day 37

Extravagant Beauty

Yesterday and last night the sky was amazing.  I kept watching big, white, billowing clouds floating by outside and it almost made sense that somewhere along the way people decided heaven must be a land of clouds.  As the day wore on, the sky just got more and more beautiful.  I had a couple of errands to run so ended up out driving around as the sun sank lower in the sky behind an amazing display of beauty.  Extravagant beauty!

In the East, there was fresh snow (April snow!) on the Sierra Nevadas.  In the South and North there were fluffy clouds with the sun still shining on them.  And the western horizon...  wow.  I'm sorry I don't have pictures for you.  There were layers upon layers of clouds with the sun shining through from behind and it was amazing.  It reminded me of a sunrise I watched in Texas last year when I also was overwhelmed by God's extravagant love for me.  

I sat in the grocery store parking lot for a few extra minutes and just watched.  I watched people hurrying around and the glorious sky and wondered how many people were noticing God's extravagant display just over their heads.  And I took a few minutes to enjoy it with God.

I've been more intentional for the last months about taking Sabbath time.  I'm taking time to rest and enjoy God's creation and I think it's affecting the rest of my days as well.  I'm learning to slow down and enjoy the beauty around me, knowing that somehow what needs to get done will get done and that WONDER is a life-giving thing.

I hope you take some time this weekend to look around you - whether you are inside or outside, alone or with others, in silence or sound, sitting or moving - and that you see some marvelous displays of God's glory in creation and in people made in the image of God.  I'm sure God will be happy you noticed.  And I think you will be too.

Day 29

Shhhh...

Yesterday wasn't really Day 26.  It was Day 25.  Oops.  I feel like I just went back in time a little bit. I also feel like my blogging brain has run out.  I think it had been so long since I'd blogged every day (well...  or anywhere even close) that I was full of ideas and thoughts and words.  Yet now here I am, just a week past midway and I feel like I've run out of things to say.

Perhaps God intended this to happen when He gave me this assignment.

(Pause.)  (Quiet.)  (Listen.)

Clock ticking.

Self breathing.

Refrigerator cooling.

Husband with allergies.

Chair creaking.

Fingers clicking.

Computer fan blowing.

Wind chime ringing outside.

Siren blaring far out there somewhere else.

It is actually the most astounding quiet.  But not for reasons you might thinking of.

It's the quiet in my heart that has caught me off guard.  You see, I'm not exactly used to my head being quiet.  I don't stop to let it be quiet very often.  (Though I am learning.)  (Slowly.)  I was quite busy and felt rather unusually productive today, yet know that tomorrow is coming rather quickly and there is a lot to do.  So I'm surprised to find the quiet inside and thank God sincerely for helping me to grow to this place where the quiet can peacefully exist - inside me of all places!  Considering where I was back even just  six months ago, that is no small thing.

And perhaps that is where I will pick up tomorrow...

Day 25 26