Resting

This has been a really great week.  We had a nice day off on Monday after a very busy Sunday and yesterday I got to take a partial-day prayer retreat.  

(Ahhhhhh...................)

Here are a few pictures from our Monday...

Brothers playing together while their sister was out clothes shopping WITH HER DAD!

I'm so happy to have this tree in our patio.  We had several of these at our house and I just love them!

Hot, fresh out of the oven bread.

There are so many wasps around this place...  I'm thankful nobody has been stung!

Can you see the pollen on this bee's legs?  Amazing!  And do you know that it's really hard to take pictures of bees?  They are always moving...  (Made me think it's another thing I have in common with honeybees...)

We've had a family of doves nesting above the boys' window.  Fun to watch them, although one of the babies mysteriously disappeared today.  Hoping it had nothing to do with the cat Lowell saw this morning!

Sunflowers from our dessert Sunday night...  It was so wonderful to be with our friends from our home church.  We shared with them, they prayed for us, we ate yummy desserts and we felt loved.

God is good.  I am thankful.

Here is Love... Vast as the Ocean

Last weekend was so amazing... for several reasons. Actually, for one: God is FAITHFUL. And He proved it BIG TIME!!! : ) Before the whole story, though, I (of course) have to give you a little background!

Way back in 2007 when we were working on our adoption paperwork, Lowell's sister and bro-in-law were doing the same thing over in Thailand (where they've lived since 2001). We were all so excited God had been leading both of our families to adopt and that our kids would have a Thai adopted cousin to share their experiences with. In 2008 when we were matched and preparing to travel, they got word that their file/adoption was 95% complete and they couldn't wait to bring home whatever little princess they were matched with - soon! They and their 2 boys (and the grandparents and aunts, uncles and cousins!), however, kept waiting and praying and waiting and praying... for over another year before they were FINALLY matched with an adorable little girl just before this last Thanksgiving. They thought they just might be able to bring her home before Christmas!!! They were so excited! (In case you're wondering, they are adopting directly through the Thai social system, so it's very different than our process was.)

Well, Christmas came and went. So did New Year's. And with every week, the anticipation and anguish and excitement and agony grew. Because they live less than an hour away from Bangkok, they were actually able to go visit their little princess at the orphanage where she has been so lovingly cared for. It was so good for them to get to go see her several times... but so SO hard to keep saying goodbye! After waiting for SO long, the wait just kept going and at times it felt like it would go on forever.

Well.

Friday morning a week ago we woke up to a message on our machine from Lowell's sister saying they were going to get to bring her home that day. HOME.

HOME!!!!!

I was SO HAPPY. Literally dancing with joy! After so long, to finally know she was going home... it was just too much joy and relief to bear quietly. : ) And it was the perfect way to start off my weekend. Just a few hours later I was on my way up the foothills to our church's 4th annual women's retreat where this year I was leading worship. I just couldn't wait to get up there and praise God for His faithfulness!!! I also couldn't wait to see how He was going to meet with us and speak to each of us there. Our theme was "Heart to Heart" and our theme verse was "Love never fails." One of the songs we were singing was "Here Is Love". These are the lyrics to the first stanza:

Here is love, vast as the ocean

Lovingkindness as the flood

When the Prince of Life, our ransom

Shed for us His precious blood

It's a beautiful old hymn that I was looking forward to teaching the ladies at the end of our session Friday night. As our speaker was talking, I was thinking back on the day and my joy about my niece finally going home with her family when it hit me. I love that little girl so much... and I have since I knew she was "ours." If she's on the other side of the ocean, then the love I have for her is "as vast as the ocean" even though I've never touched her and she's never heard my voice... And the love I have for her is NOTHING in comparison to the love that God has for each one of us.

(Isn't she CUTE?????!!!!!)

God was also SO faithful to meet us last weekend. His Presence with us was at times breath-taking. He did stuff in our hearts that needed to be done. He wove our hearts together. He filled us with ridiculous joy. : ) And He reminded me of how much He loved me.

God told me this once... and if you listen, I believe He'll say it to you, too...

I love you wider than the ocean.

Deeper than the grandest canyon.

Higher than the stars that shine up in the sky.

And I love you as long as eternity!

There is no place in the depths where He can lose us. No place in the cosmos where He would not love us. No stretch of eternity when He has not loved us or will not love us. When He has not or will not love me.

Thank You Father, for Your love for me that is as vast as the ocean... I don't know what else to say. (Except that I love you back.)

I Know, I Know...

I said I wasn't going to be blogging right now, and even though it looks like I am... I'm not. I'm just sharing an incredible video with you, whoever you may be... because God loves you!

Happy, Happy Birthday Baby!

Well, way over on the other side of the world... my son is celebrating his first birthday! It's already almost noon on July 7 in Bangkok... but to celebrate here, Lowell, the kids and I are going to dinner at the Elephant Bar tomorrow night. I know, I know. The food there isn't Thai. BUT Mik and Toby love it and there are really big elephants there and elephants are very Thai, so it's close enough. : ) The festivities will be topped off with an elephant cake... because I think it will be really cute and it might be my only chance to make one because by next year I'm sure he will have his own opinion about what he wants on his cake!!! In case you're wondering if this is an emotional day for us or not... I'll let you know when I do. I'm not sure how I'll feel tomorrow. There have been a few emotional moments for me, but not about what you probably expect. I never expected him to be with us on his birthday, so I'm okay with that. I actually think it's special he gets to spend this day with his foster family. I know they love him very much and we will (God willing) have lots more birthdays to celebrate with him. But I'm thinking also about his first mommy... the one who spent his first birthday with him and that's probably when I get the most emotional. Talking about her is way too personal for me to do on the blog... but I can say she has a very special place in my heart and I'm thinking about her... And while you won't be eating cake with us tomorrow, you can still do something special with us for him. I am extending an invitation to all of you to send Kamin a birthday greeting! I have been writing in a journal to him for over 2 years now and think it would be special to have in there notes from his family and friends. It is something he really WILL get to read someday and could mean a lot to him. (And even if it doesn't, it will mean a lot to me and his daddy and brother and sister.) So if you want to, leave Kamin a note in the comments or email it to me. Either way, I'll print it out and put it in the journal so he'll know he was loved before he even got home.

And Happy Birthday Kamin... We love you so much!!! Love, Your Forever Mommy

12 Years Later...

I have a tendency to talk a lot on my blog about the funny things my kids do and the crazy things I'm obsessing about. But I don't talk a whole lot about my husband. So tonight I'm going to! : ) Last Monday, Lowell and I celebrated our 12 year anniversary. Even after 12 years of doing his laundry and dishes, I love him more than ever. He is more supportive of me than I am of myself, he loves our kids and is a great father, he is a leader at church, a man of solid integrity , incredibly talented and can build just about anything he decides he wants to.

He also somehow he manages to have a very stressful job and still be fun to have around when he's at home. People (some of whom we've known a very long time) often ask, "Now, what exactly does Lowell do at his job again?" Many other people don't bother asking, but they still don't really understand what he does. So I thought I could give you a little insight here into his job. The other day he got an email from Bill. It went like this:

From: Bill
To: Lowell Ens
Subject: RP

Attached are revised RP and Letter. I was confused because on the HUD call you mentioned 115 units. I got it now though. Based on our call today it may require one more change of 36 ACC/LIHTC to 30 ACC/LIHTC and 6 LIHTC only.

This was Lowell's response:

Bill -- Michael was working the numbers this afternoon on Yosemite rental component. Couple things -- to get enough LIHTC units to cover debt, we need 16 units out of ACC. Too many I think for HUD comfort level and also affects TDC on the remainder since that leaves 20 units ACC with $4.4 million in HOPE VI. He is now shooting for 8-10 units and carrying back some type of other loan to cover about half the perm bond debt. May be another residual receipt or deferred developer fee with terms that allow for longer term repayment. We also think operating cost will actually be lower than TCAC requires in their proforma, so may be additional cash flow to cover the residual payments. Not sure how HUD will view this and may affect ACC subsidy on the remainder of new and existing units? Your thoughts are welcomed. When we come up with the best scenario, you'll need to add this to the letter, but should we wait til then?

Lowell

There. Now I'm sure you all understand exactly what he does. : )

Anyway, I'm so glad I am married to this man and look forward to the rest of my days with him. God knew I needed him and He went to great lengths to make sure we ended up together. And I'm so very grateful.

I love you, Babe!

Y, Melissa

Could this day get any better???

Hi everyone! I am celebrating right now!

First of all, neither of my kids woke me up last night. No bad dreams or tummy aches for the first night in maybe a week or so. So very nice.

Second, I got to sing this morning at a Women's Breakfast for our church and it was really fun. I had a couple of ladies tell me after how rested they felt, which was neat b/c the songs (and our pastor's wife's great talk on Psalm 23) talked about being still and being filled and I'm praying God will keep calling us to that and that we will let Him quiet us more and more. I need it so very much! (Which is part of where the songs came from to be sure!)

Thirdly, when I got home I found an email from somebody congratulating me on winning over at BooMama's. "What??? I won something????" And sure enough, I did! She was hosting a giveaway for some beautiful jewelry made by Lisa and I am one of the 2 winners! I can hardly believe it and am so excited. It's really a big blessing. Just this week Mikaela found this in the closet I'm trying to move out of (it's supposed to be Toby's now) and while it's really cute if you're a Kindergarten teacher, I haven't taught in almost 7 years now and it's not really the look I'm going for these days. If, however, YOU are a teacher of little children and you think you would wear this ever, please let me know and I'll be very happy to give it to you as I am very soon going to be the recipient of something much much more beautiful and much much less educational.

And for that, among so, so many other things like the happy sounds of my kids and a roof over my head today I am feeling very, very blessed. Because I am. Thanks again to Lisa and BooMama and most of all to God! : )

God is Good

Lowell and I came home yesterday from our Annual Marriage Immunity Booster Conference. (It's actually Hume Lake's Fall Couples Conference #1, but my name for it is so much more descriptive, don't you think?) It did rain most of Saturday afternoon, which meant we didn't get to shoot shotguns or go on the GPS Adventure (follow GPS coordinates to get to the prize) and we skipped the rainy extreme Bocce tournament b/c taking a nap was just a lot more enticing. But the most important pieces were all there... A really good speaker (I'll talk more about him in a minute), awesome worship, lots and lots of good food and meals shared with a lot of neat couples we'd never met before and time for Lowell and I to be together and learning and thinking about our marriage. It might not be a cheap weekend, but we've determined that our marriage is absolutely worth investing in and this is a great place for that to happen. Unfortunately, I don't have any great pictures to show you b/c we left our camera at home and Lowell's phone wouldn't work. Oh well. The speaker was Pete McKenzie from Southern California and he was so good. Our favorite quote from his sessions was this: "Life is difficult. But it's more difficult if you're stupid." Nice, huh??? But the thing he said that hit me the hardest was that we have to choose between the path to Pleasing God and the path to Trusting God. I wasn't sure where he was going with that at first, because I've always tried to do both. But he explained that STRIVING to PLEASE God depends on our own efforts and focuses on our failures and trying to fix our sin and do everything right. But TRUSTING God starts with humility and repentance and lets God do the work of changing us and changing those around us. It says "I'm standing with God and my sin is before me and we're working on it together" instead of "I'm working on it..." He also mentioned that to "Be Still" means to "Cease Striving" which means so much to me especially since I wrote a song back in July called "Be Still". So, I'm going to be learning for a while about how to trust God without the striving. Striving to be better and do everything right is as natural to me as breathing so it's going to be a hard habit to break, but I'm trusting God to do it because I know I can't do it on my own. And I can trust Him. God is good and life is good when I'm walking with and waiting on God. Even when it's difficult.

Happy Birthday Coleeny-Beany!

Today is my sister's birthday! I was inspired to write about her when I was cleaning some windows with my kids. You see, Coleen has always DESPISED cleaning windows outside because she can't stand spiders. : ) (Which is why she lives in the country now, I'm sure.) So every time I clean any windows (which, mind you, isn't very often) I think of her. Plus, it was a job that we frequently endured together... one of us inside, the other outside so we could get all the spots at once, you know.

Coleen is 22 months younger than I am and to the right here is a picture of Coleen (right), Greg (top), Brad (middle) and Kevin (bottom right). Oh, and that's me on the left. This picture was taken hmmm... probably when I was in around 5th grade (?) and Coleen was still SHORTER than me. (or is it shorter than I???) Anyway, by the time we were in high school, she was taller than I was. (I am now the shortest one.) So, besides the fact that she was taller and looked older than I did (which is a REALLY BIG deal when you're in high school and everyone thinks you are younger than you really are) here are some other things I should tell you about my amazing sister. First of all, she has 5 (FIVE!) wonderful children who I am priviledged to call my niece and nephews. (Yes, if you noticed, she only has one girl. That means she has 4 boys.) But that's really good, b/c Coleen and I were used to being around boys, seeing as we had 3 brothers, and growing up Coleen was never really afraid of boys like I was anyway. That's all I'm going to say about that. : )

She lives out in the country with cows (if I remember right, 2 of them are named T-Bone and Chuck), chickens, a couple of ducks and goats and dogs and cats (I think... I lose track sometimes.) She also homeschools the older kids. (I told you she was amazing! But no, don't worry, her house isn't always clean and she's not perfect. But she is amazing!) Growing up Coleen and I laughed and LAUGHED and sang and played together (and argued a bit, though we never could stay mad at each other for more than 5 minutes). We were pals and always glad to have each other at new churches or school or on campus in college. To me, she always seemed brave, though I'm sure it wasn't always the case. I especially miss singing with her (though I don't miss the clarinet duets...) She and my mom and I would sing at church quite often AND at home doing the dishes AND driving around town, not non-stop, but ALWAYS in 3 part harmony!!! Sometimes we would sing with our cousin Amy, too. The three of us will never again be able to sing "I felt every tear drop when in darkness you cried and I strove to remind you that for those tears I died" without LAUGHING and I can't even expain to you why because I just don't have time and you wouldn't understand anyway. (But I promise you if Amy and Coleen read this, they will be laughing right now!)

May God continue to bless you, my faithful sister! I love you and see God at work in and through you and pray He will continue to bless you as you serve Him faithfully. Happy Birthday!!!!!
Love, Melissa

So Grateful!

This morning I was reading Heather's blog. She has an amazing testimony and I am always encouraged by what she says. Anyway, Sunday she asked people to leave comments sharing how they had been encouraged by someone in life. I wanted to share what I wrote.

While I think of my mom first because she taught me so much about how faithful and good God always has been and always will be, I was struck this morning by how incredible my husband is. He is such a gift from God to me. When I struggled with post-partum and other depression in the last years, he was so patient and loving and helpful. He encouraged me to remember what the truth was and encouraged me to get help from a therapist when neither of us knew what else to do. He is so faithful to our marriage and guards it fiercely (in a healthy way!) He loves me and honors me and encourages me to pursue my dreams even when I think they’re unreachable. He is such a good father and is my partner until death to us part. God is my Rock, my Redeemer and Savior, but my husband is a great great gift to me. In the day to day
struggles of life when we let each other down and step on each other’s toes too often I forget to be grateful for him. Thank you for giving me a chance to remember. : )

I had been thinking lately that I talk a lot about my kids and myself on my blog, but not much about Lowell. He is an amazing husband and I'm so glad he's mine. : )

(I love you Babe!)