There has been lots going on in my heart lately, but much of it has been really hard to put into words, which is why you haven't heard about most of it! : ) I have mentioned a few times about how God is teaching me how to trust Him more completely. One of the things He has shown me in the last few weeks is just how much I worry! I honestly had no idea how much I worried--normally not about the big stuff, but about the little things like keeping my house clean, which ministries to pursue at church, how my kids are doing and what I'm going to make for dinner and whether or not Lowell will like it and that my van is a mess... whatever it is, I can probably figure out a way to worry about it.
I always used to think I was just "thinking" too much. And I always wanted God to tell me exactly what to do, because I knew He knew what was best and I desperately wanted Him to lead me. I didn't have a problem with surrendering to Him, but I realize now I did have a problem trusting that He would lead me. I'm learning, though, that trusting Him means not worrying or thinking too much and trusting He will lead me (in His way and in His timing) even when I don't realize I'm being led. It's like walking with Him through a huge flat desert with no landmarks to be seen in any direction and no road or signs and just walking with Him even when He doesn't say where to go trusting that He is leading me even when I am not even aware of it.
What's funny is that it feels sort of reckless and irresponsible to not figure everything out (=worry) and just to trust Him, but there is already fruit coming from it and it is so good! I'm already feeling relieved from a lot of stress and am so thankful God is teaching me this now because I know I'm going to have much to trust Him with in the future... (But I'm not going to worry about that just now.) : )
Thanks for letting me share some of this journey with you. : )
Blessings to you!