Typing Therapy (Warning!!! Lengthy rambling ahead. Read at your own risk!)

I have so many ideas and thoughts in my heart I feel like I could burst. I want to write.

Or at least I think I do. But that means I have to choose a topic. (Just one?) And I have to stop doing something else and take the time to write. Say no to facebook and the dishes and the sweeping and the laundry and the kids and whatever else for a little while and click away on keys and let some of the emotion that's been clogging up my soul pour out through my fingers.

Or at least I hope it will. But then, I don't always actually want what's  in there (in this heart and head of mine) to come out. Because sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it makes me cry. Sometimes it just makes me mad. But sometimes it helps me breathe - like exhaling the building up carbon dioxide. Like releasing the tears.

I feel like writing with big emotional, passionate images and words and phrases and pauses and exclamation points, oozing with feeling and deep thinking and joy. JOY. I how, I long for joy. And peace. HOW I LONG FOR PEACE. But life right now reminds me of the aftermath of having brought a newborn into the family. I'm emerging (I think) from the trauma of moving to another country and starting our kids in a new education system. When I think of the first months of life with my babies, unfortunately, I don't first think of how cute and sweet they were. I also remember how exhausted I was. And I think that's how I'm going to remember our first months in Peru. Tiring and emotional. But filled with lots of wonderful experiences, growth and learning.

Growth spurts. Hmmm...  I guess in many ways that's what these last months have been. Maybe these last two years. A giant growth spurt. An exhausting one.  Most moms know (you notice it for sure when they're little) that when your kids are growing they sleep a lot. Makes sense, because when you sleep is when your bones heal and grow.

In some ways, I feel like especially during this last month since we arrived and had to set up house in Northern Peru, the thinking/writing/expressing parts of me have been sleeping because after the rest of life there just wasn't any energy left for putting the experience into words. But I think it's time to start writing again because I know that writing helps me think and see clearly and remember what I know.

One thing I know is that culture shock is real and it is hard. In case you've never experienced it, it mostly feels like frustration. It stems largely from unexpected challenges and problems that you don't know how to solve (because the ways you used to solve "that" problem, don't work here). It comes from having to form so many new habits at the same time. It comes from dealing with a tremendous amount of stress without the normal stress-relievers and support networks that we were used to relying on back in our home culture.

We DID know that we were going to encounter some significant culture shock upon arriving here. But like when you jump into really cold water - KNOWING ahead of time that it's going to feel cold might prepare you for the sensation, but it doesn't keep that take-your-breath-away sensation from hitting you. But the knowing helps you know that you aren't going to die and that eventually you will breathe again. : )

Having anticipated culture shock hasn't made it much less shocking. But it has helped us know that we will keep adapting and adjusting and we will eventually probably feel quite at home here. We'll find our place in this world and start to breathe easier and easier. But as I think about it, I'm realizing at this moment that I'm having trouble really wanting to do that.  I'm having trouble wanting to attach to this new culture and make it home. In many ways, this house now feels like home. But outside? Not quite yet. And I don't know if I'm ready yet to claim it as home because that means that Fresno isn't home anymore and that still makes me sad. The grieving and letting go isn't over yet. And it probably won't be for a while.

Tomorrow is Easter. We will go to church for a 7am breakfast and early service and then come home. We're having some a couple of other missionary families over for lunch in the afternoon so that will be special. But I'm going to be thinking about and missing Sunrise Services at the baseball diamond with The Grove and leading worship and playing my guitar with my beloved friends on the worship team. (Lowell and I always led the Sunrise Services, so it was a special event for our whole family.) I'm missing Easter egg hunts with grandparents and cousins in back and front yards bursting with Spring flowers and green lawns and trees and fresh Fresno Spring air (achoo! and pollen.) I miss the eggs I blew out and dyed several years ago that year after year I would put out on my wooden window over the piano under a hanging bunch or two of dried flowers that said "JESUS IS ALIVE!"

But if there is EVER a weekend to remember that sometimes DEATH must come before LIFE, it is THIS ONE. Jesus' death will give way tomorrow to life. Abundant. Inexplicable. Hilarious. Joy filled. ETERNAL. Jesus left heaven and came to earth and died so that I can live. So that I can live here in Peru.

I think I want to start a new tradition...  To find a seed and plant it and see if it will grow. Because I feel a bit like a seed that's been buried and is starting to germinate and stretch to where I feel inside of me is up - that up above there somewhere is this thing called LIGHT. And I want it. And Jesus died so I can have it. Here. Life after death. Joy after grief. Sowing in tears to reap songs of joy.  All because of Jesus. All for Jesus.

Wherever you are, may you experience the joy of life after death in Christ Jesus this weekend.

By His Grace,
Melissa

P.S. I was right. I did want to write. ; )

Looking for the Pillar of Fire

Hello friends!  We are currently in Northern Peru in the city we are expecting to be moving to in about a month - that is assuming we find a place to live!  The school year here runs on an opposite schedule - just like the seasons. Everyone is currently on summer vacation and will be going back to school on March 5 for the new year.  That means our kids get to jump ahead a grade from where they were just a little over a month ago in Fresno. We came up here for a conference last week and to do some school and house hunting.  We are extremely thankful we have found a school we feel pretty good about.  But we keep coming up on dead ends with the house hunting.  It's another new cultural experience that is stretching us.  The systems are different, we don't have a GPS to help us find our way once we find something we do want to see, there is no Craigslist, and we don't know the city very well so we don't know really which areas of town we should look in or not.  It has us feeling quite out of control.

But we KNOW that God will lead us - IS leading us - because He promises so many times in the Word that He will.  And He can't fail to keep His promises. I started reading through Exodus recently and today was reading the account of the Red Sea parting.  So amazing!  I wondered what it was like for the Israelite moms who were taking care of their kids as they fled Egypt and thought about the panic they must have felt as the word spread that they were being pursued by entire Egyptian army.

How. Terrifying.

In some much less dramatic ways, I guess I feel a bit like we're trapped with what seems like the Red Sea of the Piura rental maze in front of us and the marching army of time closing in on us.  We were planning on heading back to our current home 6.5 hrs south of here tomorrow, but have delayed that by a day so we can try again tomorrow to find something.  School starts in 4.5 weeks and we would love to be moved up here by then, but how do we do that when we don't live here to look for houses - especially when we have so little ability to find anything? We need to head back to our current home soon, but feel restless not having found a new home yet.

But God did part the Red Sea for his people.  He led them to safety and destroyed their enemies.  He also provided a visible sign of his leading and presence.

Exodus 13:22

Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)

²² The pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night never left its place in front of the people.

But we don't actually need the cloud or the fire because we have the Word that is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path.  We have so many promises of His guidance and we have the Holy Spirit so we don't need to be afraid.  He will provide in His timing and show us the way one step at a time as we trust in Him to make our path home straight.

A street nearby.  : )

Smile. Even when you feel upside down. : )

I'd like to introduce you to a friend of my youngest son.  His name is Tiny Lion.

(Not to be confused, mind you, with Little Lion or Big Lion.)  Tiny Lion is, as you may have imagined, the smallest of the bunch.  He and the other lions came with us to Peru and this picture was taken this afternoon of Tiny Lion just before he was removed from the laundry line where he had been hanging after he got a bath last night. That's why he looks a bit frazzled and upside down. He fluffed right up after I took him down and gave him a good shake, but I didn't get a picture of him so you'll just have to trust me that he looks much different now.

(Are you wondering yet what in the world I'm getting to?)

This afternoon I read this post by author Mary DeMuth and it got me thinking about this next year that is starting very soon.  Like Mary, for the last (sheesh!) maybe 16  or 17 years I have asked God to give me a word for the year - something He would teach me about.  I haven't had any real ideas yet for this coming year so when I read Mary's idea about asking God for a picture instead of just a word, I thought it sounded interesting and I think maybe I did it.  I don't exactly remember asking God this afternoon to give me a picture for this next year, but I did want one and was going to keep my eyes open.

It wasn't much later when my youngest was bugging me about getting Little Lion and Tiny Lion down from the laundry that I had an image pop in my head of them hanging up there upside down smiling and knew I needed to take a picture of Tiny. (He's the smiliest.) : )

Oh friends, it is such a picture of how I was feeling today...  a bit frazzled and upside down here on the South side of the equator... Now that we've gotten through the big move and Christmas, we're wanting to settle down and settle in, but we aren't actually going to be in this place for very long - so I can't get settled yet.  (I'm still hanging on the line like Little Lion had to do because his paws were still damp.)

But the smile on Tiny Lion's face is unmistakable and I want it to be my inspiration this next year. I want to learn to smile when I feel like I've blown in culturally somehow and to smile when the adjustments are hard and the language is confusing.  I want to smile when I can't find just the right words to express my feelings and thoughts even though words are some of my favorite things and it bothers me to mix things up and to not be able to talk as fluently/expressively in spanish.  I want to smile anyway knowing that even a month from now I'll be more fluent than I already am and THANK YOU LORD for inspiring me to learn this beautiful language long before You showed me why.

Father, bring this picture of Tiny Lion to my mind OFTEN.  May it never grow old during the 365 days of my first year in Peru and may I trust You more and more.  And smile.  : )

At the Christmas service last week here at the Trujillo MB church

Gracias

I'm writing this time from the kitchen table in our home in Trujillo. : ) We've been here since last Wednesday and every day it feels more like home. We had a nice Christmas celebrating with the church, another missionary here, the pastor's family and our own little family. The kids have been doing really well. God has been so gracious.

Since last Spring, I've found it intriguing that the Spanish word for "thank you" means "graces" and the French word for "thank you" means "mercy." And I am so incredibly thankful right now for God's grace and mercy....

Read the rest of this post here.  : )

We are in Peru!!!

click here to read the post!  : )

Travel Update

Hi friends!  As of yesterday, we have tickets to fly to Peru on December 14th!  More updates on the other blog...  Click on the picture over there on the right to get to our family missions blog.  : )