Knowing Grace

I wrote on Saturday about our crazy day and how thankful I found myself in the middle of it.  The crazy continued Sunday when Mik and I left a concert late last night to discover we had a flat tire.  Again I was thankful for God's provision of friends who were there still and could help us out.  We were late getting home, but we made it - without even any tears.  : )

But all of the stress started to get to me a bit today.  Mostly because I was thinking about our landlord coming over and seeing the mess our place was and the body shop and tire shop guys and our friends last night seeing how messy our van was.  I recognized finally that shame was nagging at me.  And I couldn't put my finger on what the antidote to shame was.  I know that when I'm tempted to feel sorry for myself it's good to choose to be thankful.  But what do I do when I'm feeling ashamed?  And perhaps more importantly, what do I encourage others to do with their shame?

None of the Bible verses I found seemed to be what I was looking for.  But I did find something that is fascinating me.  One of the definitions for "shame" is "disgrace."  DisGRACE.

Could it be that the antidote to shame is simply God's GRACE???

More thoughts about God's grace and peace and thankfulness coming tomorrow...

In the meantime, "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts..." (Colossians 3:15)

Day 6

To Be

This is a prayer God helped me write back in Fall and it helps me rest in His peace...  and it's my prayer again today.

Lord, I don’t want to be distracted and upset by the many things on my “To Do” list.  Instead of helping me TO DO everything today, please help me today TO BE who You want me – who You created me – to BE.   Help me through the power of your Holy Spirit dwelling in me…

To Be At Rest

To Be Prayerful

To Be Joyful

To Be At Peace

To Be Effective

To Be Patient

To Be Hope Filled

To Be Healthy

To Be Self-Controlled

To Be Submissive to You

To Be Trusting You

To Be Dependent on You

To Be Wise

To Be Loving & Kind

To Be Faithful & Good

To Be Gentle & Strong

To Be Generous

To Be Holy

To Be Thankful

To Be Praise-Filled

To Be Empowered

To Be On Guard

To Be Learning

To Be Growing

To Be Attentive & Listening

To Be Spirit-Filled

To Be Courageous

To Be Playful

To Be Smiling & Laughing

To Be A Friend

To Be A Wife & A Mom

To Be A Daughter & A Sister

To Be A Missionary

To Be A Worshipper

To Be Victorious

To Be Surrendered

To Be Humble

To Be Like You

To Be Silent

To Be Still

To Be Abiding

To Be Loved

To Be Yours

Thank You…

Melissa Ens - 2010

Day 5

What a day!

This was a very strange day!  It started dark and early (as opposed to bright and early!) at 2:43am when I woke up hearing water running somewhere.  Thinking one of the kids must have gotten up and used the bathroom and left the sink water running (odd as that seemed) I got up to discover that the sound was actually water leaking downstairs in the bathroom - flooding the bathroom, kitchen, hallway and just about to reach the family room.  Lowell and I spent the next hour and a half doing what we could to get the water out and cleaned up before it spread further.  Then I went back to bed and he stayed up another hour finishing what he could.  (Turned out the problem was caused by a washer or something that slipped after Lowell replaced the float mechanism in the toilet last night.  Strange!)

Later in the morning we discovered that during a trip to Home Depot to fix the other problem somebody apparently backed into the back of our van leaving some sheetrock behind in our taillight and significantly denting the back hatch/door.  The whole back door/hatch will probably have to be replaced.  Wow.  Really???

What was amazing, though, was this:  it didn't get to us.  We praised God through it all and were legitimately thanking God for His mercy and grace.  Thankful...

1.  That our entire home wasn't washed away by a tsunami like so many families in Japan this week.
2.  That our entire home isn't filled with 2 feet of water and silt from an overflowed river like in Peru several years ago.
3.  That I woke up when I did (God must have done that!) so the water didn't spread further.
4.  That the water only reached a small amount of the carpet - most of it was under and on top of the hardwood floors.  Not great, but seem to be drying out faster than the carpet!
5.  For a beautiful day so we could have the doors wide open and not be freezing!
6.  That instead of obsessing about cleaning the house today (like I would have been doing if this hadn't happened) while Lowell took the boys to a monster truck jam rally thing, I enjoyed a nice afternoon playing games with Mikaela.
7.  That the back van door/hatch still opens and closes and seems to be the only part affected by the collision.
8.  That we have insurance!  Car and renter's.
9.  That we have a kind landlord who didn't panic.
10.  For people we could call on to pray for us.
11.  For a sense of humor.
12.  For freedom from self-pity and frustration and discouragement!
13.  For freedom to sing in the middle of the night instead of griping and blaming anybody.
14.  For good reasons to get some stuff cleaned up that we had been procrastinating about.
15.  That none of our belongings seem to be damaged.
16.  For a patient husband (who was still able to take the boys to the show.)
17.  For the clean bedroom I now have because I didn't want to be downstairs with all the fans.  : )
18.  That it was the bathroom downstairs instead of one of the ones upstairs!!!!!
19.  That it all seems to be drying out fairly well and will probably be fine without major repairs being needed.
20.  For Toby on his own joyfully saying that Satan didn't win today!  (Because we didn't let this ruin our day!)

After the sleep interruptions and listening to fans all day long, I feel like I have jet lag (the fans sound like propellers I think).  But I'm thankful for our church's women's retreat last weekend and the reminders I had fresh in my mind and heart to count it all joy and praise God through it all.  Even when things take a turn for the bizarre, HE IS STILL GOOD!!!  : )   Peace, indeed.

Day 4

Hi Dad!

Last night we attended the Spring Program at our kids’ school.  Toby’s class sang and danced to “De Colores” and Mikaela’s class played “Frere Jacque” on recorders.

(I’m guessing you can see Toby with his blonde hair and blue bandana…  Mik is a bit harder to find.  She’s in the 2^nd row, far left with a blue flower in her hair. J)

I’m a sucker for these kind of programs.  Maybe it’s because I used to be a teacher so I have a special appreciation for the work it takes to get a bunch of wiggly, nervous kids to sing and dance and perform well.  (It’s not easy!)  But what I love the most – it almost gets me teary every time! – is seeing the kids up there  when they find us out in the masses and we make eye contact from across an overcrowded cafeteria and exchange joyful, proud smiles.  I see them and they see me smiling and waving and they smile and sneak a little wave back.

And I love it. : )

Last night, especially when Toby was singing and dancing, I didn’t even notice any of the other kids because my eyes were glued on him.  I didn’t want to take my eyes off of him for even a second because I didn’t want to miss anything.  And it reminded me again of how God can’t keep His eyes off of me or you.  Of how delighted He is when I look to Him and sense His smile and smile back with maybe a little wave.  : )

Psalm 121…  Over and over it talks about Him watching over us…  over our coming and going and sitting and sleeping and rising.  What a comfort.

It’s also special to me that after my first day of this daily blogging for Lent my Dad was the one who left a comment saying that he would be reading!  So here’s a little wave for you, Dad.  I love you!

J, Melissa

Lent Day 2

Hi there!  How are you?  Fine? Great! (I'm just guessing...)  Me?  Well, I'm a little tired.  Today was a full day and I didn't do a very good job of planning in any margins.  I went from one morning meeting to the office to pick up the kids to the grocery store to a school program to Life (Bible Study) Group with only a couple of brief stops at home (I didn't take the groceries with me to the school program!) and not enough time in between.  Thankfully, today was out of the ordinary.  But I do know that I need to be careful to make sure that days like today don't become the norm!

We talked during our missionary training about having "margins" in our lives.  A cushion, some might say.  Space to breathe, I would say now.  Time for rest.  REST.  It's been a theme God's been teaching me about for...  hmmm...  Well, I don't know how long.  A really long time, I suspect.  : )  But I'm finally getting it.  Both meaning that I'm understanding and I'm getting more rest!  I'm learning how to rest in Him.  And it is a very good thing.  I'm sure I'll be writing more about resting in the weeks to come.

And speaking of rest, it's time for me to go to bed.  : )  I'll leave you with a funny video we saw at a seminar in Fall.  And I'll see you tomorrow!  : )

~Melissa

You were called... to blog?

Lent is here again and like I've done for about the last 15 or so years, I prayed about if there was something God wanted me to give up (or do) for Lent this year to remember Christ's sacrifice and prepare for celebrating His death and resurrection.  I typically know I've heard from God when my reaction is "Oh, no...  I can't do that!"

This year I heard, "Blog everyday."  And I caught myself responding, "I can't do that!"

Shoot.  That was a couple of days ago and I haven't had any other ideas other than ones that seem like self-imposed ideas (exercising, no sugary stuff, etc.) rather than ideas from God.

I like the blogging idea in some ways.  After all, I do like blogging.  But it doesn't take a math whiz to see that I haven't been blogging much lately!  I think I have felt less motivated because of how many things I have to do each day that don't get done, the trouble I have figuring out where it fits in my days and trouble gathering my thoughts because they seem so un-gathered.  And then there's my hesitation because whenever I say I'm going to do something on the blog, it seems that I don't very often follow through.

And I've NEVER blogged even everyday for a WEEK, let alone 40 days, which is why I would never attempt this if I didn't believe God was leading me and going to help me and likely going to teach me something through this.  I'm sure He has a purpose in this because He never does anything without a purpose.

As I thought about what these 40 posts might contain, I thought about songs I've written, other stuff I've taught, and ended up with the verse that has become a life verse for me:

Colossians 3:15-17

¹⁵ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

I'm expecting God to speak to me and give me something to write about these 40 days.  I don't know if anyone will be reading along or not, but thankfully my commitment is to God and not you, so even if nobody else sees, I'm going to try my best to do it.  : )

Until Tomorrow,

Melissa