Cave Dwellers

Did I mention that my husband wrote a lovely post on our other blog about our latest adventure crawling around in caves?  No?  I didn't think so.  Except that I just did, so I guess now the answer is yes.  : )  If you haven't read it, you really should.  There's a picture in there of me that will make you claustrophobic just by looking at it.  You're gonna love it.  : )  Or you'll feel sorry for me.  Don't worry though...  I'm fine.  You will be too.

OK...  1, 2, 3...  Go!  (Or click...  or whatever.)

In the Depths of  Mountain

Bye!

Confessions of a People Person

"People...  People who need people
Are the luckiest people in the world..."

Can you hear Barbra Streisand singing that lonely song?  Back in August when we were trying to pack up and clean up our house and yard, that line from that song ran through my head a lot.  We were people who needed people.  A lot of people.  To clean with us, move our stuff, help pack it, care for our kids, make us food, deal with our yard, pray for us, encourage us...  We needed people.  

But, I confess that I didn't really like all of that needing.

It was uncomfortable.  Needing help is always uncomfortable for me.  I wished that God and Lowell and I could have gotten it together enough that we wouldn't be so obviously needing SO MANY other people to come save us so that we could actually drive out of town on Sept. 1.  The Thursday before we left, in the middle of all of the boxes and furniture waiting to be moved on Saturday and trying to pack for a looooong trip, I was angry at myself for still having so much to do.

But as usual, God wasn't angry at me like I was.  He knew that it was actually good.  It was good that I needed people.  IT WAS GOOD THAT I NEEDED THE BODY OF CHRIST.  He helped me realize that the fact that we really needed help meant that PEOPLE GOT TO HELP.  I might seem presumptuous here, but I hope and pray somehow it was actually a blessing to people that they got to be a part of sending us out into missions training because that was part of sending us out into the mission field.  And they got to be a part of that.  They got to bless us.  We were not just fine without them.  WE NEEDED THEM.

"People...  People who need people..."

So now here I am.  Far enough away from all of those people that I don't know what they're going through this week because I haven't connected with them since I left.  We've sent some prayer emails and a newsletter, but that's not like connecting in a personal way.  Not like a phone call.  Not like a long personal email.  And I know they want to know how we're doing, but I haven't known how to find the time to connect.    So, Jenni, to answer your question, it has definitely been quite hard to go from being a stay-at-home mom to a full-time trainee.  A couple of weeks ago, I would have said that was the hardest thing.  I'm still not quite used to getting up in the morning and having to GO somewhere instead of shooing everyone else (except Timo) out the door.  I miss having more wide-open time to spend with God.  Not that I didn't have stuff to do, because I was almost overwhelmed most of the time, but it was easier to find time to pray.  I could talk to someone on the cordless phone while I was doing laundry or the dishes.  I could connect with Annette at school and Paula when she picked up my kids.  I could call people during the day easily if I needed them to pray for me.  My mom could come by and help out for an hour, bringing with her whatever yummy food my dad had been cooking up that day.  My in-laws could stop by on their way home from the gym.

My stay-at-home-mom life was filled with people.

Edd, you asked about the retreat at Williams Lake.  Getting to spend a weekend several hours north of here at the church of our good friends Jeremy (he's the pastor there now) and Kara are was really special.  The retreat was powerful, but I was really wrestling by the end of it with how disconnected I felt.  God finally showed me that I was grieving.  Grieving the loss of my old church especially, because I was in a church setting.  It hurt a lot.  

I'm still grieving.

In some ways it's premature.  We're going to be back "home" for most of next year.  I know that.  But I also know that after that we'll be even further away.  So just like you start grieving the loss of someone who is dying long before they actually die, I'm grieving the temporary and the more long-term loss of relationships that we'll be facing in the sort of near future.  I was crying about it again this week...  feeling the pain of separation from people I love who love me and KNOW me.  And in the middle of it, God showed me something beautiful.

He reminded me of a lesson He's been teaching me this year about worship...  that worship in the Bible is so often connected to sacrifice.  Even in the New Testament (Romans 12:1) we're exhorted to offer our bodies as living sacrifices as a holy act of worship.  So what He showed me the other night was that when I'm feeling the sacrifice of leaving, I can offer it to Him as an act of worship.  I can worship Him with it.

And that can make even the pain beautiful.

To answer a couple of other questions my friends on Facebook asked, the kids are adjusting well.  Mik and Toby love their school and Timothy is happy going to school along with them.  We're learning so much every week and being challenged in so many ways.  God is doing transforming work in us and it's been harder than we expected in many ways, but more amazing than we expected as well.  And the lesson right now that I'm learning is that I need people.  Barbra would say that makes me one of the lucky ones.  I just know I need the Body of Christ.  And I always will.

And that is good.

Settling In... Kinda

Lowell's new post (WITH PICTURES!) on our other blog...

Making Up My Mind

God and I had an interesting conversation yesterday.  After a FULL week of trying to get settled into our new temporary home, into a new school for the kids, a new job, a new daycare, new roles at home, new weather, a new church, a new city, new country, new friends, a new language (eh?), I was still feeling wiped out.  OK.  So maybe the language isn't completely new, but lots of other stuff has changed dramatically for our family in the last weeks and the transition into life here hasn't gone as smoothly as I dreamed it would.  The kids have done super.  We can tell that Timothy is a bit irritated with all the changes and is testing all the boundaries to see if they're still there, but even he has done remarkably well with his new "school".  His teacher is super sweet and (praise God!) his little daycare class is right across the hall from Toby's class!!! How cool is that?  : )  Mikaela and Toby are enjoying their new school and having tons of fun with the two kids from Paraguay whose parents are in training with us.  Our house is beautiful, our program is going to be rigorous but is off to a great start and the people we're in training with are quickly becoming good friends.

So what was the problem?  Well, that would be me.  I was exhausted when we got here - physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually...  and I haven't felt so unsettled and discombobulated in -- well, ever!  And all week I've been struggling to stay positive and not get discouraged.  I knew I needed to give myself time, but instead of it getting better as the week went on, it was getting worse.  A few things came up this week that left me thinking "I didn't sign up for this!"  And the struggle I was having adjusting left me afraid of how I will do when the adjustment is even more dramatic.  I just plain got scared - but mostly felt sort of depressed.

In His never ending grace, God called me on it yesterday.  I spent some much needed time in His Word and ended up reading Lamentations 3-5 and Revelation 15.  Lamentations is pretty full of... lamenting while Rev. 15 has an amazing section of worship sung by victorious saints with harps.  While I noticed a major contrast between the two passages, I didn't feel very moved while I was reading (though I do want one of those harps someday!), but afterward felt God pretty clearly telling me I needed to make up my mind.

"Do you want to be here or not?"

(Long pause.......)

I knew my answer was going to be "Yes" but I wasn't ready until a few hours later to admit it.  I knew I had to really think through it and choose what I wanted because I had the distinct feeling that if I wanted to go home, He would let me.  And I didn't want to decide what I wanted based on how it would impact all of you or our church back home or our youth group...  this time it was just about deciding for myself what I wanted.

"And if you do want to be here, do you want to spend the next 3 1/2 months lamenting or worshiping???"

Well, that was an easier question to answer.  But later as I prayed with a friend from home (on the phone) I realized one of the reasons I was struggling with the first question was my fear about what "being here" means.    I'm not just saying "yes" to being here.  I'm saying "yes" to going somewhere further away and far more foreign than this little city.  And I needed to make up my mind again that I still want THAT.

So, I did.  : )  And somewhere in between God asking the question and my finally answering it a few hours later, the fog lifted and the sun came out in my heart and my head.  I'm done with the lamenting and am feeling at peace and more at home than ever... at least for now.  I'm also so grateful for the lesson God taught me because I KNOW that I'm going to have to keep making up my mind every time I discover new challenges.  Every time I think "I didn't sign up for this!" God will likely say again...  "No, you didn't.  So what do you want now?  Make up your mind."

And sometimes, knowing what I want will make all the difference.

"And I saw what looked like a sea of glass mixed with fire and, standing beside the sea, those who had been victorious over the beast and his image and over the number of his name.  They held harps given them by God and sang the song of Moses the servant of God and the song of the Lamb:  'Great and marvelous are your deeds, Lord God Almighty.  Just and true are your ways, King of the ages.  Who will not fear you, O Lord, and bring glory to your name?  For you alone are holy.  ALL NATIONS will come and worship before you...'"  -Revelation 15:2-4

We made it! (and I miss you...)

Hi everyone!  I'm sitting here with mixed feelings...  excitement, sadness, exhaustion, disorientation, hope, expectation, gratefulness...  We made it out of Fresno and it was nothing short of an act of God and the Body of Christ at work through our family and friends that ushered us out with grace and peace and joy.

But...  that's part of the problem!  During our last couple of weeks in town, (and here's where my throat starts to tighten and I'll have to start blinking hard) so, SO many surrounded us and helped us.  When we got down to our last hours at our house, we were able to finish everything just on time because of every single person that helped.  I wonder how many I can remember that helped in some way or another...  There was Paula, Renae, Chris, Brandon, Gerald, Matt, Bruce, Ted, Robert, Rick, Bryan, Monica, Carol, Sadie, Jamie, Melissa, Coleen, Hillary, Brad, Angel, Darrell, Sue, Helen, Harold, Lorraine, Tom, Carmen, Carol, Todd, Sandra, Kirk, Karen, Edd, Brandon, Bill, Sharon, Steve, Steve, Denise, Jenni, Ryan, Dave and Dave...  and I KNOW I'm forgetting some more. (And that doesn't even start to count the people that have spoken words of encouragement to us or have been so faithfully praying for us!!!)  But do you see my point?  Every one of you wrapped your hearts around us in so many ways, that I got used to you being around and now I'm really starting to miss you!

I know I'll be fine and the kids will be fine.  Tomorrow we will see some people we know who have traveled even further to come here for training and on Tuesday we will see many more that we already know and love.  I can hardly wait.  Because I need the Body of Christ.  I love the Body of Christ.  I will miss my home church  while we are gone, but I can't wait to worship with other Believers tomorrow.  I know, I know...  what am I going to do when we're on another continent???  Well, I know there will probably already at least be some other Believers there as well.  But anyway, God knows - and for now, I'm looking forward to connecting with His Body here...  even though I'm missing you.  : )

Love,
Melissa

Below is the official thank you...  (Thank you!)

Dear Family & Friends,

As I write this we are driving through Oregon on our way to Abbotsford. We are amazed, humbled and so grateful for the love and support you all have shown us in the last weeks.  The burden of getting everything done so we could leave Fresno was too big for us to bear alone and we knew it.  We asked God to help us and He told us nothing was impossible with Him.  He literally sent His Body through every one of you that scrubbed our floors, worked in our yard, moved our things,  repaired, painted, and fixed our house, babysat our kids and prayed for us (just to name a few of the many ways you helped.)  Your words of encouragement and prayers were life to us when we were weary and worn out.  We know so clearly that we are not going out as missionaries on our own.  We have been sent into this season of training with your support and love and we are so excited to share this journey and call with you.  Please continue to pray for us as we have so much to learn.  But we know God is with us and for us so we look forward to learning from Him and others who have gone before us.  He has promised to provide everything we need and we expect Him to continue to do that in every way.  And did you hear?  Last Sunday in church we shared that we were still waiting for a last minute miracle – a renter for our condo.  Through a series of divinely orchestrated events, we signed a lease with someone about 4 hours before we left Fresno on Wednesday.  J  How’s that for God’s perfect timing???

We love you all so much.

Eternally Grateful,

Lowell, Melissa, Mikaela, Toby and Timothy

Almost on our way!

We made it out of our house last night...  need to finish reshuffling our bags and pay a few bills (why do I always leave that to the end???) and we'll be on the road in a few hours.  So many people helped us, it was overwhelming.  I have never felt so loved in all my life.  I'll write more when I have time...  hopefully soon. Pray for safety when we travel...

God is so good.

~Melissa