Waking Up...

Yeah, so it's been a while since I've posted anything here! It's funny. When I first started blogging I was quite obsessed with what I was going to write about and would think about it ALL THE TIME. I wanted to have a blog that all sorts of people read (roll your eyes with me, please) and I watched my sitemeter stats to see what the average number of hits per day was and tried to write every other day (so people would keep coming back!) and well, it became a bit much! I recall hearing a DJ (do they still call them that?) on the radio say she used to have a blog and I wondered how someone could ever stop once they'd started? Well, I guess now I know! : ) No, I'm not stopping, but I'm sure not thinking about it all the time like I used to! Probably because right now I'm busy thinking about so many other things. But there's another reason my blog has been so quiet lately. I haven't known what to say! I've been going through a season lately that has been a bit hard to describe or explain or understand. I like it when I know what I'm struggling with and can explain it. I love it when I know what God is teaching me and doing in me and I can share it with others. But through most of the last few months, I have known God was doing a lot of work on me but I couldn't even put my finger exactly on what it was. I would have fleeting glimpses of Him but then they'd be gone. Once I had the feeling I was in a spiritual operating room and God was doing surgery on me - which explained why I couldn't see or feel or hear much (I was under anesthesia I guess) as well as why God wasn't talking much. (I don't think surgeons are normally real chatty when they're working.) But I KNEW He was as work doing something deep inside of me. I've felt like I was pushing through some thick darkness - not scary or depressing (Praise God!) just tedious and confusing. I've known that this was one of those journeys that would be easier to explain or understand once I was through it and could look back and say "OH! That's where I was! That's what we just got through!" This song from Sanctus Real explains pretty well what I've been feeling. Chaos and peace, not knowing what God's doing, but knowing still that He's definitely doing something! At other times I've had thoughts about spiritual "seasons" and how this year has brought me through them all. Amazing new fruit (spring and summer), glorious opportunities (fall), and then a time of pulling back and working hard on the roots preparing for future harvests (winter). (That would be now.) But I think my winter is almost over. I've started feeling more and more like I'm wrestling out of a cocoon or trying to wake up from a long nap - not fully asleep or fully awake yet. This week I found Ephesians 5 (as if for the first time) where it talks about living a children of light and the light making things visible and it reminded me of what I was praying about (and wrote about here) about Creation and the light and when I read Ephesians 5:14 it was as if God was whispering in my ear "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you!" Yesterday I listened over and over to a fairly new song by Matt Maher called "Alive Again". (You can watch/listen to Matt explain the story behind the song HERE or you can listen to the song HERE.) It expresses so well what I'm feeling... or what I'm starting to feel... waking up, coming alive again... the light on the horizon when the sun's about to rise... I can hardly wait. And you KNOW that I'm going to be back here to tell you all about it when I finally get the words... because I'm pretty sure Spring is on its way! : ) ~Melissa