Musing Melissa

Looking for the Pillar of Fire

2012-01-31T20:03:00.000-08:00

Hello friends! We are currently in Northern Peru in the city we are expecting to be moving to in about a month - that is assuming we find a place to live! The school year here runs on an opposite schedule - just like the seasons. Everyone is currently on summer vacation and will be going back to school on March 5 for the new year. That means our kids get to jump ahead a grade from where they were just a little over a month ago in Fresno. We came up here for a conference last week and to do some school and house hunting. We are extremely thankful we have found a school we feel pretty good about. But we keep coming up on dead ends with the house hunting. It's another new cultural experience that is stretching us. The systems are different, we don't have a GPS to help us find our way once we find something we do want to see, there is no Craigslist, and we don't know the city very well so we don't know really which areas of town we should look in or not. It has us feeling quite out of control.

But we KNOW that God will lead us - IS leading us - because He promises so many times in the Word that He will. And He can't fail to keep His promises. I started reading through Exodus recently and today was reading the account of the Red Sea parting. So amazing! I wondered what it was like for the Israelite moms who were taking care of their kids as they fled Egypt and thought about the panic they must have felt as the word spread that they were being pursued by entire Egyptian army.

How. Terrifying.

In some much less dramatic ways, I guess I feel a bit like we're trapped with what seems like the Red Sea of the Piura rental maze in front of us and the marching army of time closing in on us. We were planning on heading back to our current home 6.5 hrs south of here tomorrow, but have delayed that by a day so we can try again tomorrow to find something. School starts in 4.5 weeks and we would love to be moved up here by then, but how do we do that when we don't live here to look for houses - especially when we have so little ability to find anything? We need to head back to our current home soon, but feel restless not having found a new home yet.

But God did part the Red Sea for his people. He led them to safety and destroyed their enemies. He also provided a visible sign of his leading and presence.

Exodus 13:22

Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)

²² The pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night never left its place in front of the people.

But we don't actually need the cloud or the fire because we have the Word that is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path. We have so many promises of His guidance and we have the Holy Spirit so we don't need to be afraid. He will provide in His timing and show us the way one step at a time as we trust in Him to make our path home straight.

A street nearby. : )

Smile. Even when you feel upside down. : )

2011-12-27T20:08:00.000-08:00

I'd like to introduce you to a friend of my youngest son. His name is Tiny Lion.

(Not to be confused, mind you, with Little Lion or Big Lion.) Tiny Lion is, as you may have imagined, the smallest of the bunch. He and the other lions came with us to Peru and this picture was taken this afternoon of Tiny Lion just before he was removed from the laundry line where he had been hanging after he got a bath last night. That's why he looks a bit frazzled and upside down. He fluffed right up after I took him down and gave him a good shake, but I didn't get a picture of him so you'll just have to trust me that he looks much different now.

(Are you wondering yet what in the world I'm getting to?)

This afternoon I read this post by author Mary DeMuth and it got me thinking about this next year that is starting very soon. Like Mary, for the last (sheesh!) maybe 16 or 17 years I have asked God to give me a word for the year - something He would teach me about. I haven't had any real ideas yet for this coming year so when I read Mary's idea about asking God for a picture instead of just a word, I thought it sounded interesting and I think maybe I did it. I don't exactly remember asking God this afternoon to give me a picture for this next year, but I did want one and was going to keep my eyes open.

It wasn't much later when my youngest was bugging me about getting Little Lion and Tiny Lion down from the laundry that I had an image pop in my head of them hanging up there upside down smiling and knew I needed to take a picture of Tiny. (He's the smiliest.) : )

Oh friends, it is such a picture of how I was feeling today... a bit frazzled and upside down here on the South side of the equator... Now that we've gotten through the big move and Christmas, we're wanting to settle down and settle in, but we aren't actually going to be in this place for very long - so I can't get settled yet. (I'm still hanging on the line like Little Lion had to do because his paws were still damp.)

But the smile on Tiny Lion's face is unmistakable and I want it to be my inspiration this next year. I want to learn to smile when I feel like I've blown in culturally somehow and to smile when the adjustments are hard and the language is confusing. I want to smile when I can't find just the right words to express my feelings and thoughts even though words are some of my favorite things and it bothers me to mix things up and to not be able to talk as fluently/expressively in spanish. I want to smile anyway knowing that even a month from now I'll be more fluent than I already am and THANK YOU LORD for inspiring me to learn this beautiful language long before You showed me why.

Father, bring this picture of Tiny Lion to my mind OFTEN. May it never grow old during the 365 days of my first year in Peru and may I trust You more and more. And smile. : )

At the Christmas service last week here at the Trujillo MB church

Gracias

2011-12-26T12:20:00.000-08:00

I'm writing this time from the kitchen table in our home in Trujillo. : ) We've been here since last Wednesday and every day it feels more like home. We had a nice Christmas celebrating with the church, another missionary here, the pastor's family and our own little family. The kids have been doing really well. God has been so gracious.

Since last Spring, I've found it intriguing that the Spanish word for "thank you" means "graces" and the French word for "thank you" means "mercy." And I am so incredibly thankful right now for God's grace and mercy....

Read the rest of this post here. : )

We are in Peru!!!

2011-12-15T21:31:00.000-08:00

click here to read the post! : )

Travel Update

2011-11-24T18:26:00.001-08:00

Hi friends! As of yesterday, we have tickets to fly to Peru on December 14th! More updates on the other blog... Click on the picture over there on the right to get to our family missions blog. : )

The Last Song for Now...

2011-10-31T21:48:00.000-07:00

It’s Beyond Me (Psalm 139)

1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;

You understand my thoughts from afar.

3 You observe my going out and my lying down

You are familiar with all my ways

4 Before a word is out of my mouth

You’ve heard it clearly, O LORD.

5 You have me surrounded, behind and before;

You have placed your hand upon me.

6 Lord, it’s beyond me, the way that You know me

Lord, it’s beyond me, the way that You love me

7 Where can I run from your Spirit?

Where can I hide from your presence?

8 In the grave or in heaven, You are there

9 If I fly on morning’s wings to the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand won't let me go.

11I could say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,

for even the light around me will not last”

12 But even the darkness will shine like the day,

for darkness and light are the same to You.

Lord, it’s beyond me, the way that You know me

Lord it’s beyond me, the way that You love me

13 For You made me, Lord; You knit me together

14 My soul knows very well

Your works are marvelous; I praise and thank You

For I am fearfully and wonderfully made

23 Search me, O God, You know my heart;

Look closely and reveal my anxious thoughts.

24 Show me where I go astray,

and walk with me in your everlasting way.

Lord, it’s beyond me, the way that You know me

Lord, it’s beyond me, the way that You love me

Melissa Ens 7.16.2011

God is Still Good

2011-10-28T21:53:00.000-07:00

In May of 2009, I wrote this song and these words about it:

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all...” Psalm 34:18-19

"Sigh... This has been a heart-breaking week. I won't explain it all because it isn't my story to tell, but some dear friends of mine have had one of the hardest weeks imaginable - literally... I have been honored enough to sit with them through some of it and as I have prayed for them and cried for them, these words have echoed through my thoughts: "God is still God and God is still good." No matter what happens or how things appear, that Truth will never, ever change. The other night, I wrote the words to a song - for my friends and anyone else who might need it - for me when I need it. I hope they encourage you wherever and whenever you might need it, too."

I still tremble to offer words of any kind to people in situations so much harder than any I've ever faced, but when I wrote this song for my friend, she was encouraged by it - so it gives me more courage to share it with others. I've been reminded of it this week, so I thought I'd post it along with the recording I made for my friend back in 2009.

Click here to listen...

God is Still Good

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all...” Psalm 34:18-19

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is FAITHFUL.” Hebrews 10:23

God says He never changes

His promises are Truth

Even while the storm still rages

And we’re searching for proof

As faithful as the sun is to rise

And the seasons are to change

When all other hope is gone

This eternal hope remains

God is still God

And God is still good

When all you see is darkness

Though your heart’s been torn in two

You will find the strength to believe

Walk by faith and not by sight

In the middle of the winter

All through the darkest night

Hold on to what you know with all of your might

God is still God

And God is still good

So even when you don’t understand

His ways, His “hows”, His “whys”

You can count on His love

Don’t you dare listen to the lies

God is faithful and He’s loving

God’s Word is always true

God is able, God is holy

God is always, always with you

He’ll protect you, He will help you

He will quiet you with His love

He will carry you, He will heal you

His unfailing grace is more than strong enough

God is still God

And God is still good

The sun is going to rise and Joy comes in the morning!

And Spring will come anew

God will give you strength to believe

To walk by faith and not by sight

His strong arms will hold you

All through the darkest night

Hold on to what you know with all of your might

God is still God

And God is still good

You can trust Him because He loves you

You can rest in His strength

God is still God

And God is still good

Written by Melissa Ens 5.1.09

To The Ends of the Earth

2011-10-24T22:24:00.000-07:00

To the Ends of the Earth

I’m braver with you

Than I’ve ever been on my own

I’m stronger with you

So glad I don’t have to walk alone

Keep following the Father

‘Cause I’m following you

Wherever you go I will go

Wherever you stay I will stay

Where you rest your weary head

I will rest mine too

To the ends of the earth

I will go there with you

I see love in your eyes

Like I’ve never known

I see faith in you

So proud to see how you’ve grown

Keep following the Father

‘Cause I’m following you

Wherever you go I will go

Wherever you stay I will stay

Where you rest your weary head

I will rest mine too

To the ends of the earth

I will go there with you

From the shores of California

To Thailand or Peru

Wherever you go

You’ll find me right beside you

Wherever you go I will go…

Happy Birthday, My Love

Melissa Ens ~ 10.19.2011

Little Lump of Clay

2011-10-17T15:58:00.000-07:00

Funny name for a song, right? Well, it makes sense if you've spent the weekend at a women's retreat listening to the wonderful Pottery Lady as she shares while she creates pieces of art right in front of your eyes. Her pottery work was mesmerizing, her stories inspiring and her wisdom deep. I was attending the retreat with my mom and her church and had been invited to share a bit of music while I was there. I wrote this song Saturday afternoon based on what we had been learning. (I'll try to get an audio version of it created sometime soon!)

So thanks to my mom, Carole & her hilarious husband Wayne, and all of the wonderful Campus Bible Church ladies. I was blessed by my time with you this weekend!

This is one of Carole's beautiful creations! (It says "Shalom" in Hebrew.)

Little Lump of Clay

Isaiah 64:8, Romans 15:13

I’m just a little lump of clay

You are the Potter. Have your way

I will trust You today

You know what You’re doing

I’m just a little lump of clay

Spinning ‘round and ‘round each day

Help me be patient, I pray

Keep your hand on me

So mold me and make me

Spin me and take me

Through the fire as long as

You’re with me, O Lord

You know my heart

Wash me with your Living Water

I am the work of your hand

So mold me and make me

Spin me and take me

Through the fire as long as

You’re with me, O Lord

Fill me. Use me

Pour me out. Renew me

Let me serve You, Lord

I am yours

O God of hope

Fill me with all joy and peace

As I trust in You

So that I will overflow

With your glorious hope

By the power of your Holy Spirit

I’m just a little lump of clay

A chosen, precious lump of clay

Melissa Ens

Campus Women’s Retreat

10.15.11

NOTE: You may have noticed I haven't been posting every day of this 31 Days of Songs! Well, I decided last week I wasn't going to try to do it everyday but will still focus on sharing my songs when I do post this month. Hopefully there will be another song up soon! Thanks!

Hold My Hand (Day 10 of 31 days)

2011-10-10T22:07:00.000-07:00

This is a simple little song written a few years ago... I think it's funny to use the image I did in the middle of a "little lost dog" (it's not terribly poetic), but it was and still is such a fitting description of how I can feel at times. Wandering aimlessly through my days - pretty sure I'm supposed to be getting somewhere but not sure how. It's my prayer these days as I trust God to lead me and as I long to walk hand in hand with Him.

Hold My Hand

“Remember – it is My job to hold on to you… not just the other way around.”

PLEASE Lord, hold my hand

Don’t let me go

I can’t stand without You

I get lost without You

In the sun and the fog

Can’t find my way without You

Like a little lost dog

But I cannot stay with You on my own

I am too weak, but You are so strong

Bind my heart to yours

Fix my eyes upon You

So that all distractions fade

In Your face of Truth

You are my Way

Please help me to walk with You

M. Ens 9.20.06

All Creation Sings

2011-10-07T15:51:00.000-07:00

This was one of the very first songs I ever wrote and it's still one of my favorites...

All Creation Sings

In the beauty of the mountain peaks I see Your majesty

Your power in the mighty ocean waves

Your loving, gentle touch, a cool summer breeze

Your refreshing in the falling rain

Your faithfulness in the rising sun

Your healing in the dawn of Spring

Your joy and delight is the laughter of a child

Of You, all creation sings

Lord, You're bigger than the sky above yet closer to me

Than the very air that I breathe

The grandest canyons wide could never hold all Your love

And Your truth is a rock for eternity

Your freedom is like the eagle as it soars

Your Word like a fire that burns in me

The light of heaven shines in the moon and stars at night

The universe sings of Your glory

So Lord unto You I lift this, my humble prayer

That the world would somehow see

More of You and less of me

Of You, may my life sing

Of your love, and of your power, of your peace, hope and joy

May my life sing

M. Ens 1995

Be My Strength

2011-10-06T21:52:00.000-07:00

Be my strength

Be my song

Be my salvation

You are my God

I will hide

Myself in You

My refuge, my fortress

I am safe with You

Hallelujah!

Our God reigns!

Hosanna!

Our God saves!

Give thanks to the Lord

For He is good

The Lord is with me

And His love endures

M. Ens

Aug 26, 2010

I wrote this song last year during the final week of moving out of our house before moving up to Canada for training. We finished moving out of our house on the evening of Aug. 30 and drove off for Canada on Sept. 1. Phew!

God has been teaching me lately more about what it means to hide myself in Him. I can't really put words to it yet, but am thankful that He is with me to protect me, shield me, comfort me, strengthen me... He is always here. Always present. Always available. Always strong.

Always in me. And I'm always in Him.

Mind blowing, people.

John the beloved disciple put it this way (emphasis mine):

1 John 4:13-20

Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)

¹³ This is how we know that we remain in Him and He in us: He has given to us from His Spirit. ¹⁴ And we have seen and we testify that the Father has sent the Son as Savior of the world. ¹⁵Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God—God remains in him and he in God. ¹⁶And we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and the one who remains in love remains in God, and God remains in him.

What a beautiful mystery...

I Cannot Help but Praise You {Day 5 of Songs from My Heart}

2011-10-05T18:02:00.000-07:00

This morning it was rainy and gray. We got home yesterday from a packed trip to Missouri, Kansas & Oklahoma visiting a bunch of people and churches and even a school to share with them about our call to Peru. It was tiring but really good. And upon preparing to come back (I'm starting to feel strange calling Fresno "home") I was sort of expecting to feel overwhelmed today. With all the things there are to do in the weeks ahead as we anticipate leaving for Peru just after Thanksgiving (we hope!) there is a mountain of stuff for God to get done. : ) Much, much to do!

I usually come home from trips worn out and less than enthusiastic about cleaning up and unpacking and getting back into the normal routine. I often end up fighting to not get depressed. But today, to my surprise, I woke up in a good mood! Not fighting the blues and grays like I expected. Instead for most of the day I've had joy and peace that doesn't make any sense. Could be denial, but I'm gonna choose to believe it's God's wild grace and proof that if I trust Him and walk with Him He'll guard my heart with peace that is beyond comprehension.

Which leads me to today's song. It was written several years ago & roughly recorded (as in I cringe a few times when I listen to it!) in 2009. : ) Click here* if you want to listen to it.

*Might I suggest you right click and select "open in new window" or new tab to listen and read along at the same time. Or right click and select "save link as" to download.)

I Cannot Help But Praise You

I cannot help but praise You (3x)

‘Cause You’ve done so much for me

You’ve given me peace

You’ve given me life

You’ve given me power to stand in the strife

You’ve given me joy

You’ve rescued my soul

Your love is amazing and there’s so much more

I cannot help but praise You (3x)

Because of who You are to me

You’ve filled me with hope

You’ve shown me your truth

With every sunrise your mercy is new

You’re changing me Lord

You’ll show me your way

As I seek You day by day by day

Your love gives me joy, peace, patience, kindness

Goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control

And as I abide in You, You abide in me

Until there’s so much fruit it over-overflows

And for eternity I’ll praise You

For eternity I’ll praise You (2x)

As I bow before Your throne

Singing “Crown You with many crowns!”

And Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord

The Lord God Almighty upon the throne

You are worthy to receive

Honor, glory, praise and power for eternity!

So for eternity we’ll praise You

For eternity we’ll praise You

For all eternity we’ll praise You

And You’ll reign forevermore!

M. Ens 6.1.07

GREAT IS THE LORD

2011-10-04T20:07:00.000-07:00

GREAT IS THE LORD

Psalm 48, Deut. 33:12

Great is the LORD, and most worthy of praise

In the city of our God, His holy mountain

It is beautiful, the joy of the whole earth

Is Mt. Zion, the city of the Great King

God is in her walls, He has shown Himself to be her fortress

As we have heard, so we have seen:

GOD MAKES HER SECURE FOREVER

In your temple, O God, we’re amazed by Your great love

We’ll sing Your praise, to the ends of the earth

Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him

For He shields her all day long

And the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders

For this God is our God forever and ever

He will be our guide to the very end

Remember what He’s done

Tell the next generation

So they will know our God

So they will rest in Him

And tell the world of His unfailing love

M. Ens 3.24.2010

Not By My Might

2011-10-03T15:04:00.000-07:00

Last night was our last stop in our whirlwind tour of MO, KS & OK. We've shared/spoken/visited at about 12 or 13 events in the last 11 days and it was a lot of fun. The kids still have a bit of homework to finish up (ugh) but we are really thankful for the time we've had to share about this journey of ours and our dreams for the future. Doing it all with our teammate Stacy made it even better. : ) It was our first time doing anything as a team and even though it was only part of our team (there are at least 3 others who are on our team as well) it was a great glimpse of the joy working together is going to bring. PRAISE GOD!

Last night at our last sharing time at Watershed Church in Kansas City, MO, I felt led to share this song with them. So I thought it would be an appropriate one to share with y'all today. ; ) I wrote it during the crazy summer of 2010 when we were working hard on moving out of our house so we could start training in Abbotsford and I KNEW there was NO WAY we would be able to get out of our house without God's help and strength and supernatural power at work in us and around us. This song was one of the ways I could remind myself of that and plead with God for Him to show me His power at the same time. And as always, He did indeed come through!!!

Not By Might

Zechariah 4:6 “…'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty.”

Exodus 9:16 “But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.”

(Chorus) It’s not by my might

It’s not by my power

But by your Spirit, oh Lord Almighty

It’s not by my strength

It’s not by my wisdom

But by your grace I stand

David didn’t slay Goliath

‘Cause he was good at throwing stones

Gideon didn’t win the battle

By strength of his own

The walls of Jericho fell by your hand

As your people walked by faith

Moses didn’t set the people free

Peter didn’t walk on water

Your people never won the victory

But by your Spirit’s power

Lord, I believe! Help my unbelief

In my weakness show me your power

You have raised me up so that

I might proclaim your name

In all the earth

M. Ens 7.16.10

Mark 9:23-24 " 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."

Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

Day 3

Before the Throne

2011-10-02T20:24:00.000-07:00

Originally posted March 21, 2011

**************************

A couple of Septembers ago, I was in awe of the invitation God gives us - to approach God's throne of grace boldly! Back in the Old Testament times, if the High Priest entered behind the curtain into the Most Holy Place, he had to carry burning incense with him so the smoke would conceal the atonement cover (aka mercy seat) of the ark where God's presence rested - OR HE WOULD DIE. Wow. (Leviticus 16:12-13)

I have always been moved by what God did when Jesus died on the cross for us - that He reached down from heaven and tore that curtain in two from top to bottom! To go from "you can't come in here or you'll die" to an open invitation is stunning. God has shown me the reason it means so much to me is because more than anything else, I long for intimacy with God. I don't always realize that's what I am longing for, but it's there at the bottom of it all. And the curtain being torn is my invitation to intimacy with my Savior and King. Wow.

So, that September, I was feeling like I would love to write a song about it but couldn't figure out even where to start. Then God gently suggested that I start with some of His words. Aaahhh... of course. Hebrews 2:15; 3:1; 4:14-16; 10:19-23; 13:5-6; Micah 7:18; Eph. 2:4-5...

And the song was born.

BEFORE THE THRONE OF GRACE (click here to listen to it)

We have a great high priest

Jesus Christ, the Son of God

He came from heaven to earth

He knows our struggles and how weak we are

Yet He was without sin

And through His body, invites us in

CH: Let us come before the throne, the throne of grace

With confidence before our God

Let us boldly approach the throne of grace

With confidence before our King (1^st time, go to V2)

To receive mercy and find grace

To help us in our time of need

You offer mercy, You pour out your grace

You always help us in our time of need

So let us draw near to God

With sincere hearts, full of faith

Guilty consciences clean

Captives set free from the power of death!

Hold onto your hope (hold on to your faith)

God our Father is faithful!

BR: So we say with confidence

“The Lord is our helper.”

He will never leave us

We will not be afraid.

God, You delight in mercy

By your grace we are saved!

We will fix our thoughts on You

For You have called us by name

To receive mercy… etc…

(So I cry) Lord, have mercy on me!

Hebrews 2: 15; 3:1; 4:14-16; 10:19-23; 13:5-6 ; Micah 7:18 ; Eph. 2:4-5

Song by Melissa Ens

9.12.09

31 Days of Songs from My Heart {Day 2}

Breathe

2011-10-01T21:09:00.000-07:00

Be still my soul
Breathe and know
My God loves me
He loves me
Jesus loves me

Trust in His love
Rest in His grace
Everlasting
Unchanging
Never failing

Be still
Peace
Be still

****************

Emily @ Chattingatthesky.com is frequently inspiring me. She and some almost 600 others are participating in a 31 Day blogging challenge/marathon/party... To blog for 31 days in October about something. Anything. When I first heard the idea I thought pretty quickly about sharing my songs. So I'm going to try to do that. Sometimes I hope I'll actually get a recording up here as well so you can HEAR it instead of just read the lyrics - but I can't do that every time.

Or tonight. : )

Sometimes you'll get an explanation about the song and what it means/meant to me and sometimes you won't.

Like tonight. : )

We're at the tail end of our whirlwind tour of Kansas, Oklahoma and even a little bit of Missouri. So breathing is about all I am going to try to do for now. And if I can get an internet connection tomorrow, I'll post another song for y'all to read.

See ya tomorrow... : )

31 Days of Songs from My Heart {Day 1}

On the Road Again... Again! : )

2011-09-25T20:16:00.000-07:00

Click here to see a post about our trip to MO/KS/OK! : ) (TX too if you count the layover...) ;)

Come for a walk with me?

2011-09-11T18:09:00.000-07:00

I took a little walk this morning around our condo complex. With my iPod in my pocket, I grabbed the camera on my way out thinking that with the overcast sky I might find some interesting pictures. It always fascinates me to think that on the other side of the clouds, it is blindingly bright. The sun is always there, even providing light through the clouds, whether it is visible down here or not. There is beauty all around... whether I stop and enjoy it or drive right past it.

As I enjoyed the flowers and the grey sky, I also started noticing all of the signs around giving directions about parking and not parking, stopping and slowing. All over the place. I mused a bit about how this current new mini-season of life feels fast and furious in many ways. There are short months left (likely) before we leave for Peru. There is much, MUCH work to be done to prepare. Sorting belongings (do we take this? store it? sell it? give it away?) and getting things in order to be gone, keeping track of names and numbers, applying for visas and still visiting churches and people to share the vision and dreams, touching everyone a few more times before we leave... Much to do. It can seem in some ways like there is no time for parking until we get to Peru.

And yet, in many other ways there is a great need for slow. Slow enough to listen to my husband and dream with him and stay in love and as one during this season of stretching. Slow enough to watch my children to see how they are really doing and to provide a sense of security for them that everything really is going to be okay because we are okay. Slow enough to sit and really BE with our friends and family and whoever else we are spending time with so we can all know that we love and are loved by each other. Slow enough to savor the joy of being on an adventure with God.

But there is not just a need for occasional slow in this sprint to the finish. There is also a need for stopping. Stopping to rest with God. To listen to Him. To gain His perspective. To find shelter and comfort in His arms when I am grieving. To be renewed and refreshed and restored when I am weary. To seek His guidance and wisdom.

And we need God, the Sovereign Lord of our lives, to continue to show us where to go and when to move. We need Him to continue to open and close the right doors and gates and keep us on His path as He has been so faithful to do for us so far. It is wonderful to be able to say that we know so clearly that this is the way God is leading us. We know that we know that we know this is His leading for our family and we are so thankful for the way He is making the path straight.

Strength and endurance. Communion and connection. Shelter and rest. Provision and guidance. I need them all. We all need them all. And He will graciously provide it all as we walk with Him, follow His lead and trust Him. Forever and ever.

From Psalm 31...

3 Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.

4 Keep me free from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge.
5 Into your hands I commit my spirit; deliver me, LORD, my faithful God.

14 But I trust in you, LORD; I say, “You are my God.”
15 My times are in your hands; deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me.
16 Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love.

19 How abundant are the good things that you have stored up for those who fear you, that you bestow in the sight of all, on those who take refuge in you.

23 Love the LORD, all his faithful people! The LORD preserves those who are true to him, but the proud he pays back in full.

24 Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.

Strength, Peace & Endurance to you from our grace-giving heavenly Father and our Lord Jesus Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit for whatever you may be facing this week...

With Much Love,
Melissa

The Secret to Contentment

2011-09-02T21:06:00.000-07:00

I read through the book of Philippians this week and was struck again by Paul's statements about learning to be content in all things. Here's what he says in chapter 4, verses 11 & 12:

"...I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."

I have to admit that I have NOT yet learned how to be content in any and every situation. (In a lot of situations, actually!) I would say I'm making progress, but still have much to learn. Whether I'm tired or overwhelmed or annoyed, I can far too often find myself lacking in the contentment department. So once again, this secret of being content beckoned me to ponder this mystery a bit further. Then comes verse 13:

"I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

Really? That's the secret? My first reaction is not relief or wonder. It's confusion. I've read this passage many times, but it's always been hard to make the connection between contentment and doing everything through God's strength. I picture contentment as being relaxed - not strong. I think of contentment as a passive state of the heart when I've pushed past all of the hard stuff and can finally relax. Then I can be content...

Maybe...

...if I really think I can be satisfied with my performance. If I think I've done enough. If I feel like I did it well enough. If there isn't too much to worry about that isn't done yet. If I'm not feeling sorry for myself or mad at myself for some reason. If I was able to find my To Do List and get most of it checked off. If tomorrow's list isn't too daunting...

Worry, Fear, Perfectionism, Insecurity, Approval Seeking, Criticism and Condemnation all try to crowd in and suffocate me. And they're all LIARS.

Thankfully, God created me to breathe. To breathe contentment. To breathe peace. To breathe grace. To breathe faith and trust and believe in the power that raised Jesus from the dead that is alive and working in me.

So this week, it's been becoming clear. Contentment is anything but passive. In order to live content I DO INDEED need Christ's strength to RESIST everything that says I don't deserve to be content or that I haven't finished it all yet or that I can't be satisfied quite yet. So with Christ's strength I am learning to exercise and resist that list of liars up there so that I can breathe in peace and trust God and rest content - especially when it's not all done yet. Because it never will be. : ) But that's okay. Like my very wise sister said recently, "The LORD gives us enough strength and grace each day to accomplish what HE would have us do. Try to do more than that and you're on your own."

So when I sense in my spirit that He is saying "That's enough," I will choose to be content. When I am at the beginning of a new day with a long list of hours in front of me, I will choose to be content and remember that "I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Strength to resist worry. Strength to resist discouragement. Strength to keep taking one step at a time and trusting Him with the future. All through His glorious, contentment-providing strength. : )

"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come." Ephesians 1:18-21

Hallelujah and amen!

~Melissa

Well, Hi!

2011-08-25T22:15:00.000-07:00

: ) "Well, hi!" If you went to college with me, you might remember a certain guy who was associated with that greeting. He might not have been the only one. He's just the one I remember. Probably because I fell in love with and married him. : )

Well, this guy and I are embarking on an adventure the likes of which I never could have dreamed up on my own. And things are moving like a roller-coaster click click click click clicking up a big hill and I'm holding on tight and holding my breath. It seemed like just a minute ago we were safely in line and all of a sudden we're strapped in and climbing up a hill ready for the ride of a lifetime! Let me explain.

At the end of January and through much of Spring we had about 20% of our fundraising pledged. It took from then all the way to the end of July to get to 45%. Let me help you with the math... that was about 6 months for the next 25% increase.

As of today we are just over 70%. Our pledged support has jumped another 25% in less than one month. A significant portion of that has come in even just this week and we know there is more coming. Almost every day now we hear of someone new who has given or is going to. It is overwhelming. It is humbling.

It is GOD.

As things have sped up so quickly it has made me take another good, long, hard look at what we're doing. It is hard to accept so much sacrificial giving. It is scary to be invested in. But this good, hard look has been good because God has used it to remind me again of some really, really important truths.

1. People are investing in God's Kingdom - not Lowell & Melissa's Kingdom.
2. I can't do anything without God.
3. God doesn't expect me to.
4. God does expect me to trust Him and seek Him and expect to find Him.
5. God plans to do things through us as we walk with Him, abiding in His love and power - whether we realize He is using us or not.
6. God will supply all of our needs one day at a time.
7. I can do all things through Christ.
8. He really has called us to this.

He really has called us to this. That is perhaps the biggest reassurance for me of all right now. As things go from "somewhere out there" to "coming around the corner!" we need to have the peace that comes from knowing this was not our idea. So I am grateful that He is gladly confirming that to us. He is wildly confirming that to us. And I'm excited to see what's next... because I think after we get off the first part of this ride, we're going to be like Toby when he got off of his first roller coaster this summer.

Grinning from ear to ear proclaiming for all to hear: "THAT WAS AWESOME!!!!!"

The Oregon Trail

2011-08-08T23:08:00.000-07:00

Funny... trails can turn into trials with just the switch of two letters. : ) But thankfully, this trail was no trial. We enjoyed our trip to Oregon to visit the New Hope Bible Church in Grants Pass so very much. I wrote a couple of posts on our other blog about our time there...

This one about our trip up there and this one about our time there.

Happy trails to you!

31 Days?

2011-08-04T08:49:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite blogs is Emily Freeman's... Chatting at the Sky She is an amazing writer who I found last October when she was doing a series called 31 Days of Grace. She and some other people out in Bloggyland are each doing a different series of 31 Days of Something and encouraging others to consider doing the same. (Intrigued? Check out her post here.)

So after doing my Lent series last Spring, I'm thinking that a Fall series might be a good thing. Maybe. But, I’m torn. In October I just might be in the middle of packing up our life to move to Peru. So I don’t know if that means it would be ridiculous to do something like this or that it would be a really good time to do something like this b/c it would be therapeutic for me. (Because we all know I'm gonna need some therapy!)

And since I can always change my mind, I’m gonna dream about it for now. I think my 31 days would be 31 Days of Songs from My Heart… sharing songs I’ve written (at least the lyrics… not sure about ability/time to include more) and some of the stories behind them. (And yes, I do have that many that I've written and more. And counting.) (I just get shy about sharing them.)

(And I know there's no law that says I have to wait until October or that I have to do it in October. But I don't know very many people that run marathons by themselves. So there is something to be said for doing it at the same time others are... Otherwise I might not ever do it!)

So we'll see! Let me know what you think! : )

You just might be able to persuade me... ; )

Genesis, Joseph & Me

2011-08-02T14:11:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading the book of Genesis. The last 14 chapters are primarily about Joseph and the rest of the sons of Jacob/Israel. The story of Joseph's brothers showing up in his presence and bowing before him and the whole elaborate process Joseph put them through before he let them know who he was is quite a story. Today it brought me to tears as I imagined the brothers being reunited after so much time apart - the emotions and tension heightened by the guilt and fear the brothers carried with them as they were faced with their sin yet again. Grace and mercy extended by the one they had betrayed.

But the thing that leaves me puzzled at the end of the story is that they stayed in Egypt long after the famine was over. And it doesn't really say why (at least not there). Joseph was only 30 when he was dramatically released from jail and put in charge of the whole country. The little told rest of the story about the famine I discovered today is that while the famine progressed and the country ran out of food and money to buy more grain, the people sold more and more of their lives to Pharaoh. First their money. Next their livestock. Finally their land and themselves into slavery. They were alive, but they belonged to Pharaoh.

Apparently because those were Joseph's instructions. Interesting! I still think, though, that Joseph could have purchased back his family and all of their offspring and property and sent them back to Canaan. They all could have gone back to the land God said was to be theirs. So why didn't they?

Perhaps they knew that others had taken over their land and they were afraid to go back. Perhaps it was just too nice and comfy in Egypt with their little brother taking care of them all. All we know is that they stayed in Egypt and over the course of the next 400 years, the story takes a turn for an even bigger drama than what Joseph experienced in his dramatic life. The selling as a slave, rise to favor in Potiphar's household, false accusation, imprisonment, release and rise to power again in Joseph's life is a foreshadow of the dramatic story the whole people of Israel would experience.

So what can I learn from this? God is working on some deep stuff in my heart these days. I have to trust that He is the One who is guiding me through these seasons and that He is Sovereign. The story of Joseph shouts of God's Sovereign power and His plans to use for good what the enemy intended for evil in our lives. I can trust that. I have to trust that!

For a few weeks now I have been pondering Psalm 139 and at the end the psalmist asks God to search and examine his heart, to know his anxious thoughts. The words indicate to me more than an invitation for God to look inside me because God already knows what is there! It's an invitation for God to expose and reveal what is inside and to let me know what is there. As I have prayed, God has been faithful to answer and show me some of the sources of anxiety and fear in my life and I don't like it. The process is hard and at times the way seems dark and intimidating. So I rely on God to walk with me through the process and like the last verse in the Psalm says, I trust and expect God to "lead me in the way everlasting." The process must have been confusing for Joseph and eventually the Israelites over the course of the next 400 years, but God knew what He was doing. He always knows and has a plan and a reason. He is wise and loving and gracious and compassionate and His mercy is new every single morning.

And for that I am so thankful. Lead me on, Lord.

Kid Steps

2011-07-28T09:54:00.000-07:00

I wrote last night over at our other blog about another part of the process... So click on over!

And if you haven't already added our other blog to your reader subscriptions or subscribed to it by email, I'd encourage you to do that too... We even got our own official domain name.

www.ensfamily.org

Easy! I might start writing more over there and less over here. Though I'm reluctant to leave this little space of mine on the www permanently... : )

See ya there!

Resting

2011-07-20T21:51:00.000-07:00

This has been a really great week. We had a nice day off on Monday after a very busy Sunday and yesterday I got to take a partial-day prayer retreat.

(Ahhhhhh...................)

Here are a few pictures from our Monday...

Brothers playing together while their sister was out clothes shopping WITH HER DAD!

I'm so happy to have this tree in our patio. We had several of these at our house and I just love them!

Hot, fresh out of the oven bread.

There are so many wasps around this place... I'm thankful nobody has been stung!

Can you see the pollen on this bee's legs? Amazing! And do you know that it's really hard to take pictures of bees? They are always moving... (Made me think it's another thing I have in common with honeybees...)

We've had a family of doves nesting above the boys' window. Fun to watch them, although one of the babies mysteriously disappeared today. Hoping it had nothing to do with the cat Lowell saw this morning!

Sunflowers from our dessert Sunday night... It was so wonderful to be with our friends from our home church. We shared with them, they prayed for us, we ate yummy desserts and we felt loved.

God is good. I am thankful.

Wrestling with Rest

2011-07-10T23:39:00.000-07:00

We took a vacation last week. It was exactly what I was hoping for on so many levels. Memorable. Happy kids. Lots of pictures. The Train Museum, panning for gold, one-room school houses, huge fireworks, s'mores, lakes, miles and miles, BREATHTAKING vistas of the back side of the Sierra Nevada mountains that I've marveled at from this side for years without remembering from childhood trips what they looked like from the back.

And yet... in spite of everything going so well and being so delightful, I wrestled.

IT. IS. SO. HARD. FOR. ME. TO. RELAX. I would wonder and ask you if I am the only one who has trouble resting on vacations, but I know I'm not. Even when we were out there and the wrestling match was in full swing, I read these words written by Emily:

No matter where you go, the list-making, future-looking whir will follow you. You can sit outside a bakery on a street in Paris and be miserable for all the noise in your head. You can watch the calm ocean waters and the deep blue sky as they mock you with all their peace and quiet. You can breathe in the deep mountain air right along with your worries. It isn’t the place that brings peace.

So I know I'm not alone. This particular time, there were several factors feeding into my restlessness. I've had several painful "buttons" "pushed" recently and there has been a wave of emotions triggered because of it. And being on vacation gives me all sorts of time for the emotions to surface. I read something else the week before our trip about how people are often unprepared for the sense of grief and loss that often surfaces during sabbaticals. I get that. I know I can be so busy with life and work and serving and ministering and playing that in a way, I constantly anesthetize the pain in my life. It's not that that's always bad... but when the pain is finally felt... well, I typically want to run away. Turn on the computer and wander around Facebook or read other people's blogs or watch TV. But this last week that wasn't really an option.

Still, I tried not to face the feelings that were swelling under the surface. I fought them, attempted to suppress them, and I stayed busy washing the few dishes we had to wash and taking care of the kids and arranging sleeping bags in the tent and whatever else - just about anything but get away by myself for a while with God to work on whatever was bothering me.

My heart eventually calmed down. With a few good chunks of time with God and a couple of good conversations with Lowell, I was actually able to thoroughly enjoy the last few days of our trip. I've also learned a few more things about myself and some of my tendencies - as well as what helps to relieve the emotional pressure when it starts building.

One of the things I've concluded is that like curvy roads make me carsick, transitions in life make me not feel so well. eMotion sickness or something like that. : ) And just like I'm the only one in my current family who gets sick on the curves (PRAISE GOD!!!), I react differently to transitions than the rest of my family does too. And just like it hurt me like crazy when I got my ears pierced even though some people hardly feel it, other things in life hurt me more than they hurt other people.

BUT how funny is it that even though I almost didn't get my second ear pierced because the first one hurt so much, I gave birth to two babies without any kind of drugs??? Ahhh... well, I think the rest of this story is going to have to wait for another blog post.

I noticed when I was typing "wrestle" up there that the word REST is right in the middle of WRESTLE. Funny, isn't it? : ) May you, too, learn how to REST even in the middle of whatever you may be wrestling with. Go to Jesus... He promises to help you. (Matthew 11:28-29) And you, too, will find rest for your soul.

Waiting for Harvest

2011-06-22T11:31:00.000-07:00

Hi there. I can't seem to wrap words around what's going on in my head or heart these days. Which is why I keep starting blog posts and not finishing them.

Or maybe I don't want to wrap words around what's going on. Maybe I just don't want to talk about it because I don't like it.

I don't like it when I am fighting feeling discouraged.

I don't like when I'm feeling confused about how to manage my time.

I don't like how transitions in schedules and routines throw me off so much.

I don't like knowing that we've done some things we wanted to do during our internship but that we weren't able to do it all.

I don't like feeling overwhelmed and tired.

I don't like having to work to be thankful and feeling guilty for not being more thankful.

So I haven't wanted to talk about it. But somehow it feels like I need to. Not out of obligation, but out of purpose. I need people to pray for me and I need them to know what I need prayer for. If I'm not willing to say it, how will they know? How will you know?

So because I KNOW God is faithful to hear and respond to our prayers and because I know that many of our faithful prayer supporters will read this and pray, I invite you to join in praying for me...

That I will not grow weary or discouraged as we finish our internship and dive fully into fundraising.
That I will keep my eyes on the Lord and not on others for approval.
That I will hold unswervingly to the hope I profess because He is faithful. (Heb. 10:23)
That I would let God's peace reign in my heart because I have been called to peace. (Col. 3:15)
That my quiet times with God would bear fruit and that I would be patient when I don't see the fruit at first.

Hmm. I took these pictures last week sometime when I was thinking about focus and how my days are lacking focus. (Kids being out of school and other changes have made it more challenging for me to focus my time and energy. It's a weakness of mine I am PAINFULLY aware of.) As I was taking pictures of the little jalapenos, I realized that while I was focused on one tomato or pepper or zucchini that was growing, there were other little (or bigger!) ones around I hadn't even noticed at first. (The second pictures are all the ones where I noticed what I had missed at first.)

I know God is at work. He's my faithful Gardner and Father (John 15). He is allowing me to go through these times and at the very least it is preparation for transitions in the future. He will not give up. He has a plan. He has a timeline. He has a purpose for all of this... for every single step. And someday there will be a harvest if we do not give up.

Lord, every time I look at the plants growing on our patio or eat a peach or anything else someone has harvested, let me remember Paul's encouragement and Your promise:

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time

we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:9)

Keep teaching me about the power of HOPE. I believe, Lord, that if I put my hope in You I will not be disappointed! (Isaiah 49:23) You are so good. I put my hope in You.

Want to Write Your Name on My Wall???

2011-06-06T22:44:00.000-07:00

I just created a new little feature page for my blog... You can click on it over on the side or right here...

I ramble a bit about bunk bed and rainbow wallpaper guest books... You might be amused. : ) The bottom line is I'd love to know you were here. So you're invited to scribble your name on the wall... (even though you have to leave a comment to do it...) (Sorry about that. I wish that you writing your name on your computer screen would leave your name on my blog... but I don't think you'll be happy if you try it that way. Neither will anyone else who you share your computer with. So do yourself and your loved ones a favor and just leave a little comment instead (on that post - not this one). It will be much less painful. : )

Growing Up

2011-05-31T22:56:00.000-07:00

There are some days when they just seem to grow up before my eyes. And there are days when I all of a sudden notice that I've been growing, too.

Today was one of those days. The kids all seem taller and older and more mature and smarter than they were not too long ago. Mikaela seems more and more like a young lady every week. Toby is getting taller and more and more like a boy instead of a little boy. Timothy has a vocabulary that surprises people all the time. And I'm changing, too.

This last weekend we went camping with a church from a town nearby so we could share with them around a campfire and Sunday morning "service" about what we're doing. It sounded like a lot of fun and an amazing opportunity to really get to know some people over a weekend instead of just during an hour or two during a church visit. (And it was!)

The weather has been pretty strange lately. It was much cooler than normal for most of May. And this last weekend was no exception! Instead of just sort of chilly at night and sunny t-shirt weather in the afternoons, it was raining and snowing most of Saturday night and much of the day Saturday. I've never gone camping in the snow before! I've never spent so many hours straight standing around a campfire before. And as you can see, we were sleeping in a TENT. In the mornings there was ice outside. CRAZY!

But what made me happy was that I didn't get frustrated or irritated when gloves got soaked or pants got muddy (except the last night when I was getting the kids in bed and in the middle of that night when Timothy was kicking me and I was cold and couldn't sleep...) In short, I was much more patient and content than I would have been in the past in that situation. I think I handled the stress of packing better than I used to and even came back home and got back into normal with much less disruption than in the past. And that's even with going as the "speakers" and in the middle of a bunch of other things we are doing!

I share all of this to say PRAISE GOD for helping me to grow and for preparing me for much more stressful situations in the future. I praise God for teaching me to be thankful when I'm tempted to feel sorry for myself. I praise God for helping me not to panic even though we have much work yet to do to prepare for a huge fundraising event Friday night. I praise God for helping me not to get overwhelmed when I KNOW that in the past that is what would have happened.

Growing is good. : ) For all of us. But it's interesting how often we want to grow up faster. Timothy is turning 4 in just over a month (I know! How'd that happen???) and he wants to know if when he turns 4 he's gonna be a Daddy. (I remember having the exact same conversation with Toby when he was going to turn 4!) He's all of a sudden ready to be a dad... so he thinks. : )
But I know better. And God knows better when I think I'm ready to be all grown up... when I want to just skip on over to having the lessons learned already instead of having to learn them. When I want to just be wiser and stronger instead of having to do the faith exercises to get there. When I want to reap with songs of joy without the sowing tears first. Timothy has some more years of growing up before he gets to be a dad. I have some more years of growing up before I get to wherever I'm going... and then more growing until I get to eternity.

So like the evergreen trees who drink in the rain and put their roots down deep and grow and grow, Lord, keep growing me deeper in You and up in faith.

So I can keep looking back and saying PRAISE YOU LORD. YOU ARE GOOD.

(And just for the fun of it... Here's a video I posted on my 4th ever blog post from another trip 4 years ago to these mountains that I love so very much. These kids really have grown up!)

Thoughts on Time and The End of the World (Sort of!)

2011-05-26T15:17:00.000-07:00

Hey friends! We've been running around lately visiting churches and working on our internship, so I haven't been blogging much (as you may have noticed). But for the moment, I'm okay with that. : ) I wrote this almost 2 years ago, but it's one of the posts I think of often because it was such a significant thing for me to find freedom in. A few things have changed (I've completely given up scrapbooking and the google stats mentioned below have multiplied dramatically!!!) since I wrote this, but the thoughts seem as "timely" as ever... I hope it encourages you!

ORIGINALLY POSTED: THURSDAY, JULY 23, 2009

My Times are In Your Hands

Time flies when you’re having fun.

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.

They grow up so fast!

Sunrise, Sunset…

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow!

Time is money.

Time is tickin’ and time’s a wastin’!

Carpe diem!

We are a people obsessed and uncomfortable with TIME. It either goes by too quickly or not fast enough. We either regret or long for the past while we are worried about or impatient for the future. We’re running late and determined to stay awake as long as possible (thank you, Starbucks!) so we can squeeze every second of life out of every day. We sing about it, muse about it, waste it (thank you, Facebook!), talk and whine about it. (When did they get so big??? How is it already the end of July???)

Maybe it’s not the whole human “race.” Maybe it’s just me. But a Google search for “time management” brings up 223 million results. A search on just the word “time”? 3.5 Billion! So apparently I’m not the only one. I am NOT a good time manager. I’m not good at keeping scrapbooks or remembering things and it makes my heart ache when I think of how fast my kids are growing up and how much I’ve already forgotten about their younger years. I feel like I’ve been going through the last several years with my heels digging into the ground, trying desperately to SLOW THIS WORLD DOWN! Stop the sun! Slow down the clock! Slow down the calendar! Stop already with the growing! I can’t keep up!

Well… I’m done. I quit. Time, you win. I won’t fight you anymore. I can’t manage you. I can’t slow you down or speed you up. BUT I CAN, with Christ’s strength, learn to live with you as my friend instead of my foe. I will stop wasting my today’s missing the past and worrying about the future. I’m going to learn to live “for such a time as this.” I asked God to show me His truth about time and found many familiar verses.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time… ” (Ecc. 3:11)

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.” (Isaiah 43:18)

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matt. 6:34)

It’s pretty obvious that mourning over the past and dreading the future are not God’s plan for my day to day life. But the real surprise came when I found myself again in Genesis 1. “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth… And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light… God called the light "day," and the darkness he called "night." And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.” (Gen 1:1, 3, 5) There you have it! The first day. All in just the first 5 verses of the Bible. But He wasn’t done! On days 2 & 3, He created the seas and plants as unmistakable reminders of the passing seconds and seasons, all counting down, as it were, to the end of this world as we know it. But in case we didn’t notice, on the fourth day He also created “lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night” to “serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years.” (Gen 1:14).

One of the first things God created was time. And He called it good! It isn’t evil or meant to steal my joy. With the Psalmist I will choose to say “But I trust in You, O LORD; I say ‘You are my God.’ MY TIMES ARE IN YOUR HANDS...” (Psalm 31:14-15a) God wants me to trust Him with how time passes and rejoice! It’s all counting down to His triumphant return! When I see my children growing up and I’m shocked that it’s time to turn the calendar again, I want to learn to say, “Hallelujah!” I am that much closer to seeing Him face to Face! “I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “Who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.” (Rev. 1:8) Whether we like it or not, He is the King of the ages and He is returning soon! (Rev. 22:7) As I learn to see my past and my family and my future in the light of eternity, I find a whole new contentment and purpose and perspective as I agree with what my mom always said: This too shall pass!

“Amen! Come, Lord Jesus!” I trust in You, O Lord. You are my God. My times are in Your hands. And I’m glad.

Always

2011-05-17T22:04:00.000-07:00

I know I shared a song with you last time, too... but I really want to share another one. I heard this for the first time today on the radio and it is so full of scripture - it is so uplifting. Not only does it encourage me with the truth it holds, but it encourages me in another way. MUCH of the music I write is almost completely from scripture. And hearing someone else's songs helps me remember how much power there is in singing (or hearing sung) the very words of God. What words could be better to sing?

I'm trying to figure out a good way to get more of my songs recorded in a better way so I can share them more easily somehow. Maybe you can pray that God will show me a way.

: )

Be Blessed,
Melissa

On God I Rest

2011-05-09T22:24:00.000-07:00

Remember the ladders? If you were reading along with me during Lent, you might remember several posts referring to ladders. It's been an evolving metaphor of sorts that has evolved once again. It started with thinking of balancing on a teeter-totter with pride on one side and insecurity on the other. God helped me realize that pride and insecurity aren't opposites with something good and stable in the middle. There is no safe spot on that teeter-totter. The real opposite of pride is humility and the true opposite of insecurity is confidence. And it's all about who I am depending on. Am I depending on myself or am I depending on God? Thus, the ladders. I was thinking about three legged fruit picking ladders, to be exact. The bad ladder: insecurity and pride in the front leaning on the back leg of self-reliance. The good ladder: humility and confidence in God leaning on the back leg of dependence on God.

But you know what? There is something significantly wrong with that comparison. Depending on God doesn't look ANYTHING like depending on myself. A better picture of depending on myself is (use your imagination with me here) me climbing a ladder that I'm also holding up. So in place of that post in the back, imagine me-- holding up the ladder. : ) Dumb, huh? Not to mention impossible. I can't climb something and hold it up at the same time any more than I can depend on myself to get through this life. And anyway, WHY WOULD I LEAN ON MYSELF WHEN I CAN LEAN ON THE ROCK OF GOD????? Forget standing on pride and insecurity and leaning on myself. I am standing and leaning on the Rock Eternal (Isaiah 26:4).

This song has been running through my mind as I've thought of leaning my ladder of humility and confidence in God on "the wall of God" instead of leaning on myself. So I thought I would share it with you all. : ) I'm so glad God is teaching me more and more and more to trust Him and how to lean on Him.

PSALM 62 by Shane & Shane
He’s the only one
Strong enough to lean
My heaviness against
The weight of all my sin
Falling on a rock
Leaning on a fortress
Oh the wall of God, Jesus
He won’t move

On God I rest
My salvation
My fortress
Shall not be shaken
My mighty rock
And my glorious
I lay my head upon His chest
On God I rest

Oh I am calling out
Oh my soul
Oh my stubborn soul
Won’t you wait on Him
Wait in the quiet
Even in your fear
Oh your God is here, to lean on!
He won’t move

He has spoken
Hear his voice
I have come for the broken
So all ye weary come and rest

A Higher Perspective

2011-05-01T22:58:00.000-07:00

This week I wanted to go back over what I had written during Lent and see if there was a theme that I hadn't noticed or some other lesson that I would recognize in hindsight. But, alas, while I sort of got started at one point, I never made it through it all. Maybe I never will. Maybe I'm not far enough away to recognize the significance of that season yet. God's ways are not my ways... and from His perspective things always look so much different than they do from mine.

He says in Isaiah 55:8-9 "'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the LORD. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'" God always has a higher perspective than I do.

It reminds me of a phenomena in Peru called the Nazca Lines. They are huge... Hmm. I'm not sure if they're considered sculptures or drawings or what. Maybe I'll go look. Oh. Of course. They're GEOGLYPHS. (I can't even pretend that I knew that.) They were created sometime between 400 & 650 AD by the Nazca people of Peru and nobody knows how they were made or exactly why they were made.

They are quite amazing. There are over 100 different drawings. They were made by people without the aid of airplanes or computers (obviously) and from the ground they are too big to see. . Just like how from the ground a field looks like a bunch of plants or trees instead of a square in an agricultural patchwork quilt. Just like how from my perspective, I can't see all of the significance of this season. I can see some of it, but not all of it. I can't see all of the significance of what I did during Lent this year, but I'm sure it's there.

One of the most popular theories about why the Nazca lines were created is that they were made as an offering for their gods. So they had to be big enough to be seen from far away. Oh, how I love my God. : ) I love that He is not so far away that we have to draw enormous pictures for Him to see from way up in the sky. My God is so huge that He can see everything on earth, AND THROUGHOUT ETERNITY all at once. Isn't that amazing? Not only that, but God is SO CLOSE to me that He knows the hairs on my head. He knows the nerves and cells and molecules and atoms that make up my heart. He knows my thoughts and dreams and my past and future and the plans He has for me. That's my God. : ) I'm so thankful I know Him and can trust Him because He knows and sees it all even though I don't.

And that makes me smile. : ) I hope it makes you smile too.

Heavenly!!!

2011-04-25T18:44:00.000-07:00

This is one of the coolest things I've ever seen. Makes me wonder what the masses dancing in Heaven before the throne is going to be like... : )

A Tree, A Curtain & A Stone

2011-04-24T08:40:00.000-07:00

(Posted originally in 2009)

Once upon a time, a couple thousand years ago, a seed was planted… surely by the very hands of God. The Father, Son and Spirit must have formed this seed carefully, intently watching it fall to the ground, to be covered with earth and die so that it could live and grow. For this would be no ordinary tree. It would grow straight and strong and someday be cut down… to be raised up again so that the Son of Man could die upon it for you and me. It must have been a holy moment when the seed first opened beneath the ground, beginning to reach for the sun and the sky… And to this day it still points to the Son. I wonder. Did Jesus know? Did he ever walk by that tree and know it was the one? Was it already growing the night the angels appeared to the shepherds singing “Glory to God in the highest!”? Did it grow like a silent keeper of the time that was passing, of the time that was coming when Jesus would fulfill the prophecies and shed His blood so that we could be forgiven and one with the Father?

For long before the seed was planted, a curtain was hung in the temple. Woven under the watchful eye of God by skilled hands, it stood as a symbol of the separation between God and man. Sacrifices were offered. Blood was shed. The merciful Father forgave, but knew that one day, the curtain would be torn! Not by human hands bent on destruction or even the passing of time, but by the mighty hands of God as Jesus cried “It is finished!” God reached down from heaven and tore the curtain in two from top to bottom! How He must have longed for that day to come! How all of heaven and hell must have been awestruck at the death of Christ giving way to this! The removal of the separation between God and man! The price was paid for all! Hallelujah!!!

But those who loved Him didn’t understand. They didn’t know. And they came searching. Grieving. Mourning. They didn’t know that when the foundations of the world were laid, a stone was formed... a stone that would seal the tomb of its Creator, only to be rolled away on the 3rd day! The beloved women and astonished disciples came and saw that huge stone, rolled away to reveal the empty tomb and the fulfilled promise that Jesus would rise again. And they believed! The stone was rolled away. The curtain was torn. The tree had served its purpose. It was finished. And Jesus was alive!

The Matthew 27: 50-54
"And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split. The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs, and after Jesus' resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many people. When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, 'Surely he was the Son of God!' "

By His Wounds I am Healed

2011-04-22T16:09:00.000-07:00

Everywhere I look today I am reminded of what Jesus did on the cross for me.

And I have nothing to say except THANK YOU...

With my mouth...

With my heart...

With my song...

With my life...

Thank You, Lord, for laying down yours in exchange for mine.

"But He was pierced for [my] transgressions, He was crushed for [my] iniquities;

the punishment that brought [me] peace was on Him

and by His wounds [I am] healed." Isaiah 53:5

Day 40

Day 39

2011-04-21T22:41:00.000-07:00

I am still thinking about the ladder picture God gave me and think now that there could be two opposite ladders. One where the front two legs (Pride and Insecurity) are leaning on the back leg of Self-Reliance (bad, dangerous ladder!) and the other ladder where the front two legs (Humility and Confidence in God) lean on the back leg of Dependence on God. (Click here if you missed the picture/post about the ladder.)

God wants me to be confident in Him and not insecure. God wants us to be humble, but not humiliated. And humbleness, is for me becoming more and more tied to thankfulness. : ) And to freedom and resting and trusting because God knows what is good for me and what He has planned and what is needed and what is not... what is actually failure and what is not.

I've been reading a biography of Amy Carmichael this week. She was a missionary in India who had an amazing ministry. But before that she was a missionary in Japan. And she "failed" there. : ) I have often wondered what will happen if we go to Peru and we have to come home because I don't have the strength to handle it. (In other words... if I FAIL.) I think it was extremely gracious of God to lead me to the story of someone who "failed" according to her perspective at the time but whose "failure" was just part of God's plan for her life. Once again evidence (that I can also find over and over in scripture!) that I can depend on God and don't have to live in fear. Even what looks like "failure" will be for my good in God's hands.

So I stand again at a fork in the road. One sign points to the road of Self-Reliance which leads to the cities of Pride and Insecurity but always dead ends at the Impasse of Fear of Failure. The other sign points to the road of Depending on God which leads to the Valley of Humility and the Mountain of Confidence in God, ultimately leading to the Resting Place of Intimacy with Christ where I always will find freedom and victory. And that path is paved with His love and He walks there with me. Why do I ever consider going another way? : )

Thank You, Good Shepherd, that You walk with me even when I stumble onto the path of Self-Reliance and that You lead me back to Depending on You. It is so much sweeter to walk trusting and resting in You. Thank You for laying down Your life for me so that we can walk together... so that I can be one of your sheep. There is no one else I want for a Shepherd...

Day 39

Being His Hands and Feet... and Giving Thanks

2011-04-20T22:04:00.000-07:00

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

Colossians 3:17

I don't very often remember to think of doing everything in the name of Jesus. To me right now it means that whatever I do today, I could do it aware that Christ is working through me and I'm being His hands and feet. Since He isn't here physically to wash dishes for my family, I'll do it on His behalf. Since He isn't walking on earth in my home, I get to care for my kids in His name. I get to reflect Him as best as I can (by His power - not mine).

Tomorrow is Maundy Thursday... the day we remember Jesus washing the disciples' dusty feet in the upper room - the day before His crucifixion. I am praying that as I spend the day with my family God will help me remember that the Holy Spirit does dwell within me and wants to work through my hands and feet and mouth and facial expressions. Jesus wants to "wash my family's feet" through me. And as I embrace humility, taking up His yoke and throwing off every other, I am filled with gratitude that He would be willing to work through me. What extravagant grace! What an amazing privilege. And I get to give thanks to God the Father through Jesus. I cannot even comprehend how that happens but even now say thank you, Father. Thank You for working in and through me. Thank You for the plans You have for me.

Show me how to be Your hands and feet as I allow You to wash my feet somehow too.

Day 38

Escape from Pride

2011-04-19T23:12:00.000-07:00

OK. So about this pride stuff. First of all, let me clarify (thank you, Monica) that when I talk about needing to be humbled, I am NOT talking about humiliation. I might talk more about that this week yet, but for now I'll just say I see those two things as very different. The first good, the second not. I'm also still thinking about the idea that fear of being humbled might be an indication of pride... it might actually just be an indication of being alive because being humbled is painful and normal people don't like pain. : )

Anyway.

Here's what I noticed last week. I was feeling exhausted. I was feeling frustrated that I couldn't get everything done and afraid of what would happen if people knew. (Knew "what" exactly, I'm not sure... that I'm human?) It was another perfectionism/insecurity/anxiety attack because I feel like so many things are out of my control right now and I. DO. NOT. LIKE. IT. I want our schedule to be under control, our house to be clean, our things to be uncluttered and organized, our files to be tidy and our children to be good missionary kids. I want to feel like I'm in control because feeling out of control is scary. AND I DON'T WANT TO FAIL.

All that by itself isn't necessarily wrong, I don't think. But here's what is: when God kept digging, under all of my efforts to want to be in control is wanting to look good. Wanting to meet expectations. Wanting to please people. Wanting to be good enough and wanting to get more affirmation because I am insecure in this new role in ministry AND because my pride doesn't want to get hurt. I like what Monica said: "Pride is insecurity all dressed up." : ) Pride and insecurity together make a relentless, ridiculous taskmaster that is exhausting to follow.

I do want to say I don't always feel this way. These last couple of weeks, however, made for the right combination of pressures to help me fall into the trap. As God was uncovering how pride and insecurity were at the root of much of my discouragement and weariness last week, I realized I felt much like the "wizard" trying to control all of the levers and pleading for Dorothy and crew to "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!!!"

Oh, Lord. Thank You for your mercy. Because that's where Matthew 11:28-30 came alive. I had already chosen it as my passage to memorize in Spanish the week before - because of the "Come unto me... and I will give you rest" part. But it was the next part that caught me all of a sudden.

Verse 39 says "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and HUMBLE in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

I had never seen it before. There is a direct connection between humility and rest. When I am determined to get it all and keep it all together so that I can always look good, I'll never rest. When I let my pride or insecurity call the shots, I won't rest. But when I embrace humility and the truth that my confidence is in God and NOT IN MYSELF... in God's grace and not my strength or smarts, I can leave it in His hands AND REST. I can follow His lead AND REST. I can thank Him for His faithfulness every day of my life and I will find rest for my soul. For His yoke really does fit easier and really is lighter.

Thank You Lord!

Day 37

Sneaky Pride

2011-04-18T22:22:00.000-07:00

PRIDE. Bad, evil stuff. (OK... before I write more I have to go deal with the security light outside that keeps turning on and off and blinding me off and on. Be right back...)

(I'm sure there is a reason I had to include that piece of non-information, but I don't know what it is yet. Maybe I just think you'll be amused by my rambling about stuff that is completely unrelated to the point.) (And I do have one, by the way...)

Anyway, back here I was thinking about pride and humility and insecurity and confidence. I was praying for God to deal with my pride because, to be honest with you, pride scares me. I know how much trouble it can get people into. I know God doesn't ignore it. And... I think I'm also afraid of the public humiliation that could happen if God needed to deal with my pride. Which... probably means I have some pride issues that need to be dealt with.

(Did you follow that?) The fact that I'm afraid of pride is actually an indication that I already have pride that needs to be humbled. (But I didn't recognize that until just now.) So because I was so scared of pride (and because I know humility is God's way) I prayed for God to deal with my pride. I hoped it wouldn't be too painful. It was painful anyway.

But in the process, I feel like I've discovered a secret that has actually been right in front of me forever. Like Toby's medicine last night that was right in front of me when I was looking all over the house for it. Like my keys that were hanging on the hook but I couldn't see them because there was something else hiding them.) But finally, like the flashing security light (see? I knew it would tie in!) the truth God has shown me about pride has brought some much needed clarity and revelation. And freedom.

Want a clue? Look at Matthew 11:28-30. I'll explain more tomorrow. In the meantime, are you afraid of being humbled like I am? Have you ever thought before about "fear of being humbled" actually being pride in disguise?

Day 36

More Crazy Faith

2011-04-16T21:36:00.000-07:00

A few more thoughts about Rebekah and her crazy faith.

I guess that first night they were too busy celebrating to discus a timeline, because in the morning Abraham's servant was ready to go. With God's help, he had accomplished his task and he was in a hurry to return with Isaac's new bride. Rebekah's brother and mom (of course!) objected, however, requesting that she stay for ten more days first. This was all quite sudden and understandably, they weren't ready to say goodbye quite yet.

But they agreed to ask Rebekah to see what she would say. ("Surely," her mom must have thought, "she won't be ready to leave already!!!") But Rebekah - incredibly, if you ask me - says she will go. Right then. She said goodbye to her family and left with this stranger to go to a strange land to marry a man she had yet to meet when the very day before she was not even dreaming about or wondering about or preparing herself to go to anywhere (as far as we know.)

Crazy faith. Amazing faith. I'm so glad God hasn't asked me to do that. I can't imagine learning tonight that I was moving and then discovering in the morning that we were leaving that very day. I wonder how hard it was for Rebekah and her family to say goodbye. (I'm glad she at least got to take her nurse and maids with her.) But saying goodbye to her family must have been heartwrenching. We don't know if she held back her tears as much as she could until the camels were on their way, but I'm certain the trip was an emotional one. And she did it anyway.

Lord, thank you for examples of faith. Thank you for so many examples of your FAITHFULNESS. When I dread packing again in a few months and saying goodbye to people, remind me of Rebekah and brave people like her... May I be so willing.

"So they called Rebekah and asked her, 'Will you go with this man?'

'I will go,' she said."

Genesis 24:58

Day 35

Crazy Faith

2011-04-15T20:22:00.000-07:00

I was reading Genesis 24 today. It's the story of Abraham's servant travelling back to Abe's home town. He arrives, with ten camels and "all kinds of good things", looking for God's chosen wife for Isaac. The servant (whose name we are never told) prays for God to lead him in a very exact way and before he is even finished praying, Rebekah shows up and does everything the servant was praying "the right girl" would do. He gives her a gold nose ring and some gold bracelets and follows her to her family's home where he pops the question on behalf of Abraham & Isaac. Her father and uncle respond with "This is from the LORD; we can say nothing to you one way or the other. Here is Rebekah; take her and go, and let her become the wife of your master's son, as the LORD has directed." (Gen. 24:50-51)

Wow. Can you imagine? A man and his ten camels show up and you send off your daughter with him? Really? THAT IS FAITH. CRAZY faith.

Maybe this was normal back then. But I doubt it! Rebekah must have had dreams about marrying and mothering and likely that included having grandparents nearby and uncles and aunts and cousins. That day, she woke up and went about the day like she had done hundreds of times. But it the cool of the day it all changed. My, how it changed!

I wonder how she felt. I wonder if she slept that night after all of the celebrating had finally ceased. I suspect not much. I bet she prayed. I bet her thoughts were spinning and her stomach was all butterflies and she kept thinking to herself "I can't believe this is really happening!" "Did I imagine all of this?" If she slept, I wonder if she woke up and her first thoughts were of the normal things she did every morning and all of a sudden she noticed the nose ring and bracelets and remembered. Her life was changing.

Crazy. Yet she and her family trusted God and trusted this man. Was it crazy or not? Can you imagine? Would you go?

Day 34

Keepin' On

2011-04-14T22:26:00.000-07:00

Well, I have to admit that once again I don't know what to write about. This blogging every day has turned out to be one of the hardest things I've done for Lent. I think it's been a lot easier in the past to fast from things like caffeine or sweets or facebook. But this is harder... Abstaining from something takes one kind of effort - but doing something extra is different. It's a sacrifice of time but also has brought up all sorts of other mixed feelings about what I blog about. What is the right balance of honesty about struggles and sharing about happy stuff? What do I say on days when I don't have anything to write about? Especially when I wait until the end of the day! ; )

It is good, though, to be faithful even when I'm not feeling inspired. Life in ministry is going to involve lots of days when I'm excited and inspired and enthusiastic and feeling all of the blessings that God has POURED out into my life. BUT, it will also involve lots of days when I don't think I have anything left to give, anything left to say, anything left to feel - for myself or anyone else.

And yet I want to be faithful. I don't want to quit - with the blogging or with the ministry training or the ministry. Whatever it may be. Even though there may be moments or hours when I wonder what in the world God is thinking calling us into this. But I choose to remember - even today - that God's ways are not my ways. His resources are infinite and He isn't worried at all. Even when I have exhausted my energy, my strength and my understanding, His grace, strength and wisdom will always be enough for whatever He is asking me to do or be. And that is a good thing to know.

Day 33

When the wind and the wildflowers danced...

2011-04-13T22:53:00.000-07:00

On April 14, 15 years ago I married my favorite guy in the world. He helps me be brave when I'm not feeling it and reminds me that this too shall pass when I'm afraid it won't. I can't imagine anyone better for me and I can't imagine ever doing the things I'm doing without him by my side - sometimes cheering, sometimes nudging, sometimes pushing or pulling me on. We are different in so many ways, yet share so much in common. It's the best of opposites attracting and great minds thinking alike all at the same time.

He is stable and I am dramatic.
We both love God and God's church.
He can multi-task and I have a one-track mind.
We both are messy. (hmmm... that's not such a great thing...)

He grew up all over the world and I grew up in the San Joaquin Valley.

We both want to go live in Peru.
He's an extroverted introvert and I'm an extroverted extrovert.
But we both love quiet vacations away from crowds.
I stare at the ocean and think big philosophical thoughts.
He stares at the ocean and thinks "This would be a great place to build a house."
We both dream.

And that's how we spent a couple of days earlier this week... enjoying the mostly uninhabited coast of California, watching the wildflowers and grasses dance, the seagulls soar, the waves roll and the elephant seals lie around and throw sand on themselves. On Monday we were sitting in the van enjoying the scenery when some music came on that seemed to fit the landscape so perfectly it was as if the grasses and wind were dancing along on purpose. That's what inspired this video. It's a souvenir of sorts of the day we spent wandering around the coast without a schedule or anyone asking if we were there yet or declaring they were starving or any other such emergencies. Everywhere I looked I saw creation dancing along with us. And it was lovely. It was fun to dream about making a video of it all with the same music we were listening to and even more fun to actually put it together while Lowell was driving us home and see it turn out just exactly how I'd imagined it.

So if you have a few more minutes, you can see what it looks like when the wind and the waves and the wildflowers and waterfalls dance... God is the Master Choreographer to be sure.

Happy anniversary, Babe. I THANK GOD FOR YOU. And I love you so incredibly much.

Day 32

Creative, Colorful Creation

2011-04-12T21:45:00.000-07:00

We came home today after a couple of days at the coast of California celebrating our 15th anniversary. It was beautiful. The flowers were beautiful. (My mom always said they were prettier at the coast than anywhere else!) : )

Here's a sample of the rainbow we saw...

Matthew 6:25-34

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes?
See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Day 31

Not Much To Say

2011-04-11T20:57:00.000-07:00

I'm at the end of a super relaxing day and don't want to ruin it by overanalyzing and overexplaining it. But I'm thankful for a husband of almost 15 years to have shared it with.

God is good and His creation is amazing. : ) See you tomorrow.

Day 30

Thank-FULL

2011-04-10T18:00:00.000-07:00

**This was originally written and posted in May 2008. It's a favorite of mine I thought I'd share again. : ) **

Last weekend we went to Cambria (on the coast of California, a couple of hours away from where we live). And God taught me a lesson about thankfulness. On Saturday afternoon we went to the beach. I had this big plan to build a big sandcastle. We had buckets, shovels… we were set! Except the beach we went to didn’t have great sandcastle-building sand like I remembered. It had pebbles. Lots and lots and lots of pebbles and a little bit of sand. And once we got there and we discovered that Lowell was right and I was wrong, we couldn’t just go somewhere else, because we were waiting for Lowell's brother and his family to meet us there and we didn’t have cell service.

We sat down and tried to build a castle with the little bit of sand that was there, but it collapsed. So we just played in the pebbles and dug holes and fed and chased sea gulls and searched for “gems”. Mikaela had quite a beautiful collection of pretty rocks (her "gems") and by the end of our time there, we were all hunting with her. Well, in the middle of my gem hunting, I found a real treasure: thankfulness.

About a week ago, I was asking God about my tendency toward regret & disappointment. For example, I was really sad when I found out we could have sent Timothy a camera and other gifts when he was referred to us. I wished we had known and was in a small way grieving the loss of pictures we could have had if we had sent something earlier. But God showed me (as I pondered the regret issue) that a big part of the solution is TRUST. I needed to trust Him that it was fine and maybe even good (for whatever reasons) that we hadn’t sent anything before. If it hadn’t been fine or good, He would have done something about it. So I could trust Him, grieve what we had missed and move on.

That day at the beach, after we had been there a while having a very nice time, I was still wishing I would have remembered the beach wasn’t sandy so we could have gone somewhere else. Then God opened my eyes. Toby and Lowell were having fun trying to get the waves to make water go into a hole they had dug. And Mikaela was in paradise!!!!! She loves pretty little things as much as anything in the world and she was surrounded by them! And they were free! And she could collect as many as she wanted! And her mom was helping! And I was on the beach, listening to and watching the waves (one of my favorite things in the world to do). What in the world was I doing still wishing for something else? And that’s where I discovered thankfulness. When I stopped wishing for something else and started being thankful for what I had found instead, the regret and disappointment started to evaporate. And I also realized that thanks-GIVING is really quite easy when you’re thank-FULL to start with.

Y, Melissa

Sabbath

Extravagant Beauty

2011-04-09T21:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday and last night the sky was amazing. I kept watching big, white, billowing clouds floating by outside and it almost made sense that somewhere along the way people decided heaven must be a land of clouds. As the day wore on, the sky just got more and more beautiful. I had a couple of errands to run so ended up out driving around as the sun sank lower in the sky behind an amazing display of beauty. Extravagant beauty!

In the East, there was fresh snow (April snow!) on the Sierra Nevadas. In the South and North there were fluffy clouds with the sun still shining on them. And the western horizon... wow. I'm sorry I don't have pictures for you. There were layers upon layers of clouds with the sun shining through from behind and it was amazing. It reminded me of a sunrise I watched in Texas last year when I also was overwhelmed by God's extravagant love for me.

I sat in the grocery store parking lot for a few extra minutes and just watched. I watched people hurrying around and the glorious sky and wondered how many people were noticing God's extravagant display just over their heads. And I took a few minutes to enjoy it with God.

I've been more intentional for the last months about taking Sabbath time. I'm taking time to rest and enjoy God's creation and I think it's affecting the rest of my days as well. I'm learning to slow down and enjoy the beauty around me, knowing that somehow what needs to get done will get done and that WONDER is a life-giving thing.

I hope you take some time this weekend to look around you - whether you are inside or outside, alone or with others, in silence or sound, sitting or moving - and that you see some marvelous displays of God's glory in creation and in people made in the image of God. I'm sure God will be happy you noticed. And I think you will be too.

Day 29

Friday!

2011-04-08T22:29:00.000-07:00

I was going to try to post something thoughtful right now, but just changed my mind. : ) Even though most of you won't read this until tomorrow or later, I'm doing a tribute to Friday. Because today was Friday and Lowell just showed me a really cool Friday video.

Now. Some of you are afraid of what might be coming because you know who Rebecca Black is. This girl became an almost overnight youtube sensation (though not in the best way) for her music video "Friday." (Click here to get the gist of the video or the rest of this won't make as much sense to you...)

I think she's a decent singer, but honestly the lyrics are just so very, very bad. The biggest problem is how the song gets stuck in my head. Running through my head in the middle of the night kind of stuck!

There are lots of people making their own versions of the song now and THIS ONE is so fun. So THIS is my tribute to Friday. I hope yours was a nice one. : )

Day 28

Rain

2011-04-07T16:45:00.000-07:00

The gray sky outside is dripping big fat drops of rain.

Lightning flashes. (Wow, that was close.)

The drops splash on the window.

The thunder rolls.

And it seems to fit with the gray in my heart today.

It reminds me of something someone said once...

That all sunshine and no rain would make me a desert inside.

(It's hailing now.) (Wow! That's a lot of hail!)

It reminds me that in the summertime, when there is nothing but sun,

I don't appreciate it anymore.

I hide from it.

All sun and no rain... isn't always that much fun.

But sunshine after the rain???

Sunshine after the clouds???

There's nothing like it.

Like a sunrise after a long night...

So, Lord, I say thank You.

Thank You for the ways rainy days in my heart can water my roots.

Thank You for the ways rain clears the air in my mind.

Thank You for the ways hard days can make me stronger.

Thank You for the ways my weakness can make room for You to be glorified.

Thank You for teaching me to depend on You.

Thank You for seasons that come and go and all have a purpose.

Thank You for the excitement of thunder and lightning.

Thank You for the thrill of engaging in the real Battle.

Thank You for promises of victory.

Thank You for promises of Your Presence and Your Power.

Thank You for the rain.

Day 27

Shhhh...

2011-04-06T21:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday wasn't really Day 26. It was Day 25. Oops. I feel like I just went back in time a little bit. I also feel like my blogging brain has run out. I think it had been so long since I'd blogged every day (well... or anywhere even close) that I was full of ideas and thoughts and words. Yet now here I am, just a week past midway and I feel like I've run out of things to say.

Perhaps God intended this to happen when He gave me this assignment.

(Pause.) (Quiet.) (Listen.)

Clock ticking.

Self breathing.

Refrigerator cooling.

Husband with allergies.

Chair creaking.

Fingers clicking.

Computer fan blowing.

Wind chime ringing outside.

Siren blaring far out there somewhere else.

It is actually the most astounding quiet. But not for reasons you might thinking of.

It's the quiet in my heart that has caught me off guard. You see, I'm not exactly used to my head being quiet. I don't stop to let it be quiet very often. (Though I am learning.) (Slowly.) I was quite busy and felt rather unusually productive today, yet know that tomorrow is coming rather quickly and there is a lot to do. So I'm surprised to find the quiet inside and thank God sincerely for helping me to grow to this place where the quiet can peacefully exist - inside me of all places! Considering where I was back even just six months ago, that is no small thing.

And perhaps that is where I will pick up tomorrow...

Day 25 26

Day 26... Thankful

2011-04-05T22:20:00.000-07:00

Well, hi there! I'm not sure what I'm writing about yet. I'm tired and would like to go to bed... but I have this commitment to blog everyday until Easter (except Sundays) (which is the way Lent is traditionally counted anyway according to certain people) so here I am! (There. Does that count? Can I say goodbye now? Hmmm... I guess I could. : ) But I think that would be missing the point.) OK, Lord. What do I do here? Because I seriously want to go to bed. But not without saying something more than this because this isn't worth posting!

Back to Colossians 3:15-17... Several times there it says to do X, Y & Z with gratitude in your hearts. You want me to make a list of things I'm grateful for? Okay...

~Our Evangelism Explosion Life Group and that one of our groups got to lead a guy they met to the Lord tonight.

~That the hosts of both Life Groups we attend each week feed us there.

~For the ladies I get to pray with every Tuesday morning at our women's prayer group
~That we're halfway done with our internship
~That my hubby gets to preach for the first time ever on Sunday
~That he takes it as such a responsibility and an honor
~That he's going to do a great job
~That people are going to come hear him and cheer him on
~That we're celebrating our FIFTEEN year anniversary next week!!!!!
~That I'm still in love with my husband
~That our kids are doing so well through all the craziness of life
~For grandparents who love to babysit

~For SUNSHINE!!!!! (Oh, how I love sunshine!!!) : )
~For the tree on our patio that reminds me of the trees at our old house
~For not being sick anymore like I was over the weekend
~That I have a bed I get to sleep in tonight
~That I have a home that is just the right size for us right now

~For the newsletter we got from a pastor in Peru about their VBS and cell groups and youth. So cool!
~For Peru
~For the voice of the Shepherd
~That I can go to bed now.

: ) May you go from here paying attention to things you are thankful for... And may I do the same!

¡Buenas Noches!

Day 26

Climbing to Victory

2011-04-04T19:51:00.000-07:00

I have often felt through the years like I was wobbling on a sick teeter-totter with pride on one side and insecurity on the other. It's not a pleasant place to be. When I was praying with a friend the other day, God helped me see that pride and insecurity are not opposites of each other like I had been thinking, so trying to find a middle spot between them is never going to end well. Instead God started giving me a picture that has been really helpful.

Instead of an unstable teeter-totter, imagine a strong three legged ladder. We had one of these at our old house... inherited (I believe) from Lowell's grandpa. These ladders are the best for picking fruit because they are so stable. You don't need level ground and you don't end up wobbling back and forth like on a traditional ladder. Anyway... at the bottom of the left leg is PRIDE, while the the left leg itself represents pride's true opposite: HUMILITY. At the bottom of the right leg is INSECURITY, while the right leg represents CONFIDENCE IN GOD. At the bottom of the back leg is SELF-RELIANCE while that leg itself represents DEPENDENCE ON GOD. Does that make sense?

So instead of wallowing between pride and insecurity (which are both rooted in self-reliance) and staying stuck on the ground, I can climb to VICTORY IN CHRIST through humility & confidence in God - rooted in total dependence on Him. I like picturing the three legs not being based on pride, insecurity & self-reliance, but staking a claim of victory on them instead. Declaring that I'm NOT giving into them but am going to humbly & confidently rely on God.

Humility triumphs over pride.

Confidence in God triumphs over insecurity.

Dependence on God triumphs over self-reliance.

Hallelujah!

"Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant - not of the letter, but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life." 2 Corinthians 3:4-6

Just like climbing a real ladder, climbing this ladder takes FAITH. But the fruit of VICTORY is at the top, and it's totally worth the climb. : )

Day 24

This Season of Easter

2011-04-03T10:26:00.000-07:00

Posted by my husband on our family blog the other day...

I spent most of the day yesterday holed up in the back corner of Hiebert Library at Fresno Pacific University. It was a nice, quiet place to work on my first sermon that I will be giving in a few weeks (with a whole lot of influence, I am trusting, from the Holy Spirit!). As I read through some excellent books on the topic, and spent some time in the Word, I realized that too often I have passed through this season of Easter without stopping to fully consider the meaning of it.

I was once again impacted by the severity of what Jesus suffered for us at the cross, and the immense mystery that is the cross. It is so easy to gloss over the details, the vivid horror that presents itself in those verses in the Gospels about this part of Jesus' life and death. But that is really it, isn't it? A turning point in history. A life changer for all of us.

I just found a website that offers an online devotional during the 40 days of Lent. As of today, we are already 20 days in, but I would encourage you to consider looking at the last 20 days. It can be found at http://www.soulatrest.com/.

Take care, and may you find great meaning and understanding in the Cross this month.

Lowell

Content Anyway

2011-04-02T21:29:00.000-07:00

Well. Today did not turn out the way I had planned. Every year for the last 20 years(!) I have been at the MCC Sale - almost always on both Friday and Saturday. There was great food, neat things and (my favorite!) lots and lots of people to see! It was like a homecoming reunion of sorts every year. To top it off, for most of the years since we've been married (which will be 15 this month!) we have hosted or helped host a party after the Sale where our college friends from in and out of town and we would get together and the kids could run around in an enclosed space where we could relax without worrying about them getting lost in the crowds and we could all get caught up on life.

So while I did make it to the Sale last night, I realized before we left that I was getting sick - achy, fever, chills kind of sick. So instead of catching up with old friends there and at the party after today, I caught up with my pillow and Tivo. While my family was out being social, I stayed in and enjoyed the quiet.

I also missed going to see Beth Moore this weekend - right here in my home town! I had already decided a couple of weeks ago that it was going to be too much to try to squeeze in her event last night and this morning into this weekend. It took some pretty clear direction from God to show me I would survive not seeing her this weekend and I'm so glad I had already determined to agree with God and be content. Because if I'd had my heart set on that plus the rest and had to miss it all today I would have been very disappointed.

But that was the thing I was so thankful for today. I was content and at peace. Even knowing this was quite likely the last MCC Sale and post-Sale party I would be attending for maybe a very long time. I was okay. I was thankful for a quiet place to rest and people to help my husband with the kids while they were out. I didn't do a lot of serious meditating or anything (my brain was too tired), but did get to play around with redesigning my blog layout. If you're on the actual blog and not in a reader, you'll see the name has changed...

It's been 2 years since I last changed the name and it didn't seem to fit with where I am anymore, so I thought some more about the blog address (musingmelissa.blogspot.com) and looked up some definitions of musing and decided that was it! Why be complicated? So now the name of the blog matches the name of the blogsite. Hopefully it won't be confusing to people for too long. : )

OK. Bye for now! : )

Day 23

In Case You're Wondering What's Going On

2011-04-02T13:02:00.000-07:00

I don't assume there is anyone looking at my blog at this minute, but just in case someone is... I'm playing around with changing my layout. Changing the name and the look again because it's been a while!

So that's why things might be seeming a little odd at the moment if you're here.

I case you were wondering. : )

Strange Peace

2011-04-01T21:13:00.000-07:00

Well, for the first time in the last almost 20 years, I think I'm going to miss the MCC Sale tomorrow. We were there tonight for dinner and by the time we left I started realizing I was coming down with something involving chills, aches and blah-ness. (That's a clinical term in case you're unfamiliar with it.) : )

But I'm feeling strangely at peace. Weak and tired, but at peace in spite of what I'm "missing out on" this weekend. I'll write more about it tomorrow because I think I'm going to be at home resting--thankful God has taught me how to rest. For now, I'm putting my aching body in bed.

G'Night!

Day 22

Feeling the Squeeze!

2011-03-31T21:35:00.000-07:00

I have felt a few times in the last week or so like I'm being squeeeeeezed. Some of the pressure comes from myself. Some of it comes from plain old life. I also think it comes from God. But not in the "you'd better get your act straight or you're in big trouble!" kind of way. Not in the "live up to my expectations or I'll be disappointed and so will everyone else" kind of way. (That kind, unfortunately, that tends to come from yours truly.)

The kind of pressure that comes from God (dare I say it?) is the kind that transforms sand into rock and carbon into diamonds.

I woke up yesterday with the idea for this blog title and almost immediately had this image pop into my head.

It made me laugh. We've had these around for years. You probably know the drill... 1st you fill it up with as much as you can. Then, of course, you SQUEEEEEZE IT and all the extra stuff comes oozing out the sides of the mold. Extra stuff that doesn't fit or belong.

Trim it off and you have a finished product! (That's Bob the Builder's friend Wendy, in case you were wondering...)

I know God is fashioning me into someone He can use even more fully in His Kingdom. Like Wendy has, He's giving me the tools I will need. He's reshaping me. But I'll tell ya... It's not always fun. And I'll bet money that you already know that and are agreeing with me. But wouldn't you also agree that it's worth it? I know that I reeeeaaally don't like the squeezing process, but I also know that I always appreciate the freedom that comes after. And I'm trusting and expecting that the mold is going to open (soon, Lord!) and I'll be able to breathe a bit easier. And I'll tell Him thank You. Again.

Now, if you're like me, you might be jumping ahead to poor little Wendy here going through a firing process where she's baked and hardened and then sanded and glazed and fired again... I know. But for tonight, I'm just going to rest in the idea of breathing better when the mold is open. We'll deal with the fire when we get there. : )

2 Corinthians 4:7-9 "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard PRESSED on every side, BUT NOT CRUSHED; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."

Hallelujah!

Day 21

Grace and Peace for Today (instead of longing for yesteryears)

2011-03-30T16:58:00.000-07:00

It was good the other day to visit with a couple of good old (as in for a long time - not our age!) friends. Lisa and I met our freshman year in college and we've been friends ever since. She and I spent lots of time together when our kids were babies and toddlers. A few years ago, our kids started school, our schedules changed and we switched churches, so it's been harder to see each other on a regular basis, but whenever we're together it makes me happy.

Anyway, we were talking about how changes in life can make us long for the way things used to be. Both of us were acknowledging that there are things we miss about the early mommyhood stage of life. (Staying home more is top on my "I miss that!" list right now.) BUT we spent enough time together back in those days to know that for both of us that season was FILLED to the brim with challenges, frustrations and discouragements along with the joy and fun and excitement of having little kids. So why do we wish we could go back? That's what nostalgia does to us, I guess... it helps us focus on the rosy parts of the past especially when we're unsettled in the present or uncertain about the future.

Every week or so I find myself wondering why things seem hard still. Yes, this is a season filled with change, but really? How long will I struggle with keeping my emotions in check? (It's been really good for me to be paying more attention to the little thoughts I wrote about yesterday. It helped me a lot today!) It's also good for me to realize that many of the things that made life a challenge before all these changes have not just evaporated. Most of them (like housekeeping, mothering, etc.) are still here beneath all of the obvious sources of stress. So again, I find myself needing to receive the grace God gives me for today. And I have to be patient with myself.

I always say that we don't "forgive ourselves" (we receive and accept forgiveness and believe we are forgiven! But that's another post...) but I wonder if grace is the same way. It's not something we give ourselves but something we receive from God (and maybe other people) - especially in the light of all I wrote a few weeks ago about that it means. I need to be merciful and patient with myself, but grace comes from others. I just have to be willing to accept it.

Day 20 (Woohoo! Halfway!!!)

A Growing Perspective

2011-03-29T15:58:00.000-07:00

When Timothy and I left the house for our little walk yesterday, I was feeling a little down. And I couldn't figure out what was wrong - which perhaps bothered me the most! I think it was like feeling foxtails in my socks and not knowing where they had come from. What was going on? Was it grief again? Something else? I couldn't put my finger on it. So we went for a walk and that's when we found all of the flowering weeds.

I started reflecting on how things can look like one thing and grow into something that hardly resembles its previous existence. Like the ladybugs or the weeds. Who would look at flowers and automatically make the connection between the seeds that grow from them? Not most of us, unless we have had reason to learn.

When I taught 2nd grade, we did a unit on flowers. It was quite fascinating (I love science!) and the main point I kept reminding them of was that flowers existed to produce seeds. Their very purpose was to be pretty and attract pollenators so seeds could grow... with or without fruit surrounding them. The plants don't really care. They just want to reproduce. (Well... not that they want to... but it's what they're made to do.)

And it's a cycle. The seeds grow plants which grow flowers that produce more seeds that produce more plants and flowers and seeds, etc. Who knows where it starts or ends?

So back to my gloomy mood. I asked God to help me see what thoughts were either the seeds that had been planted or flowers that had produced seeds of discouragement or something else and I started recognizing little thoughts that probably bloomed into gloom.

"I'm never going to get caught up on the laundry."

"We always have to file for an extension on our taxes."

"This kitchen is a disaster."

"I can't do this. It's too hard!"

"I don't feel connected to God."

(And at the moment... "What is wrong with the formatting on here??? Why can't I fix it?")

Most of the time the thoughts are so quick and fleeting I hardly notice them. So I'm praying God will help me take even the most subtle of my thoughts captive to Christ so we can sort them out and correct them. Weed out the wrong and replant the right.

"It is hard to get the laundry done, but we have clothes to wear tomorrow."

"We'll likely have to file for an extension on our taxes again, but we'll get it done eventually and it's okay."

"Maybe the kitchen can be rearranged so it works better."

"Nothing is impossible with God. Challenges help me to grow."

"Nothing can separate me from God's love and as long as I'm on this earth I will always long for more connection with God. And praise Him that I long for it!"

(And "who cares if some of the text is a different color? I'm not going to spend extra time obsessing and being frustrated about it!")

And I'm also asking God to help me recognize and be grateful for the things HE has planted in my life that might currently look like caterpillars but are going to turn into butterflies. Seeds of grief that will bear the fruit of joy. Trials that will give way to triumph. Trouble that will be transformed into eternal glory.

"¹⁷For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Heavenly Father, fix my eyes on what is unseen and what is true. Fix my eyes and my heart on You...

Day 19

What's Growing On?

2011-03-28T13:54:00.000-07:00

Timothy and I took a little walk around our complex this morning and found a bunch of little purple flowers. Aren't they cute? Don't they look sweet and innocent? Like you might want to plant a little purple flower plant in your garden?

We started collecting some and I was surprised when I realized they were growing on "scissor plants." Hmmm... Not nice weeds. These sweet little purple flowers turn into these:

These are what we kids would make scissors out of. Split one at the base and stick another one through it and you have some little scissors! : )

They dry up and split and curl up into these nasty little seeds that embed themselves into whatever they can find so they can be planted again somewhere and grow more sweet little flowers. Or maybe they're not so sweet after all.

Just before we found the purple flowers, we saw about 20 ladybug larvae crawling around on the sidewalk. If you didn't know that's what they were, you would think they were scary, ugly bugs. But, unlike the cute flowers that start out sweet and end up scary, the ladybugs start scary and end up cute!

I saw some dandelions growing today, too and remembered how I was a kindergarten teacher before I realized how dandelion flowers turn into dandelion seed puffs because I had never bothered to stop and make the connection.

Think there's a lesson in all of this? Definitely. I'm still thinking about it and will write about it tomorrow. : )

Day 18

Preparing to Praise!

2011-03-26T21:55:00.000-07:00

~~I think I'm taking my Sabbath blog break tonight and will write again tomorrow night instead.~~

(That's what I originally posted, but later realized that I God didn't inspire me to blog a certain amount everyday... just to blog something everyday. So even a very short post counts.)

I'm helping on the worship team tomorrow morning and feel the need to be a bit more prepared spiritually than I am at the moment and think that means praying rather than writing. Thanks to my sis-in-law for what she wrote about praise on her blog today... if you want some good words about what most of us will be doing (or did) in church tomorrow (or this) morning, check out her blog...

Back ~~tomorrow~~ Monday...

Day 17

Spring Therapy :)

2011-03-25T22:41:00.000-07:00

Thank you everyone for your sweet comments after my Spring Tears post. It all such a learning process - even learning to recognize how we all grieve differently, whether it's over people, or things or seasons or whatever. But it's good.

This afternoon/evening we were blessed by our pastor's family taking care of our kids so Lowell and I could have a nice date! We ended up wandering down by the San Joaquin River taking pictures of wildflowers and enjoying the quiet river and lack of people around us. Here are a few of my favorites...

I love this guy...

Day 16